I was on a chairlift a while ago with a random couple and the woman was talking about how she'd felt that a guy had been mansplaining something to her the previous evening. The guy she was with then said something along the lines of 'I don't think he was mansplaining, just clarifying it for you.' Wishing I'd pointed out that he'd just mansplained mansplaining to her...
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Unsolicited Feedback from Man on Chairlift. Grrr....
- Thread starter Randi M.
- Start date
Jersey Ski Girl
Certified Ski Diva
He was a rude man and he probably flies down the mountain and cuts people off his whole way down!
newboots
Angel Diva
Mrs. Plow! This is priceless!
mahgnillig
Ski Diva Extraordinaire
My husband had some random guy tell him "I see you got some real skis" (he's had them for 5 years!) the other day. Mr. Rando then followed up with "You're getting better... I've been watching you". Creepy AF! Glad it was him and not me that got singled out for the weirdo treatment 
I think the zone of risk is larger than just outdoor activities. I was once at Starbucks with three girlfriends and some guy walked by and said, "Oh, are you guys having a book club?" There were no books in sight. I couldn't tell if he was being patronizing, trying to hit on us or trying to be friendly. Maybe all three.
DeeSki
Ski Diva Extraordinaire
“No, we’re plotting the revolution,” she deadpanned in reply.
Can't. Breathe.
riversnow
Diva in Training
I don't know if this falls under mansplaining or just condesending and annoying...
I started racing night league two years ago, and whenever I walk into a ski shop and look at the race skis, a salesMAN immediately walks over to me and says, "those are race skis." (yes, I know they are race skis, that's why I'm looking at them - uggg). It happens every time. Has anyone else had this kind of thing happen when shopping for equipment? How do you handle it? Any snappy come backs?
I started racing night league two years ago, and whenever I walk into a ski shop and look at the race skis, a salesMAN immediately walks over to me and says, "those are race skis." (yes, I know they are race skis, that's why I'm looking at them - uggg). It happens every time. Has anyone else had this kind of thing happen when shopping for equipment? How do you handle it? Any snappy come backs?
SallyCat
Ski Diva Extraordinaire
@riversnow do you wear glasses? Because that would be a great time to turn your head slowly and look at him over the top rim of your glasses and say "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. Care to start over?"
sibhusky
Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I don't know why that's any different than when I go to the coffee roaster and grab six containers and they tell me some of them are decaf. Yeah, I know. Why is that any different? Do we need to go looking to be injured?
SallyCat
Ski Diva Extraordinaire
@sibhusky it's different because the salesman assumed that @riversnow didn't know anything about skis because she's female. That's an insidious little injury; it's not the one incident, it's the cumulation of these interactions over a lifetime that takes a toll. And the antidote to that damage is to identify it and speak openly about it with other women and sometimes men.
As Rebecca Solnit, the author of the essay that created the term "mansplaining" says:
"what starts out as minor social misery can expand into violent silencing and even violent death. ... This is a struggle that takes place in war-torn nations, but also in the bedroom, the dining room, the classroom, the workplace, and the streets. And in newspapers, magazines, and television, where women are dramatically underrepresented. Even in the online gaming arena women face furious harassment and threats of assault simply for daring to participate. That’s mostly symbolic violence. Real violence, the most extreme form of silencing and destroying rights, takes a far more dire toll in this country where domestic violence accounts for 30 percent of all homicides of women, annually creates about two million injuries, and prompts 18.5 million mental health care visits."
So some women prefer to notice and remark upon the subtle condescensions, the small occasions in which we are diminished, because those incidents reinforce and entrench larger injustices.
It's fine for you to be fine with interactions like the one Riversnow describes when they happen to you, but I don't think it's fair to invalidate her experience or to attack her interpretation of it. That feels like a sort of cultural gaslighting, and most of all it's unkind.
As Rebecca Solnit, the author of the essay that created the term "mansplaining" says:
"what starts out as minor social misery can expand into violent silencing and even violent death. ... This is a struggle that takes place in war-torn nations, but also in the bedroom, the dining room, the classroom, the workplace, and the streets. And in newspapers, magazines, and television, where women are dramatically underrepresented. Even in the online gaming arena women face furious harassment and threats of assault simply for daring to participate. That’s mostly symbolic violence. Real violence, the most extreme form of silencing and destroying rights, takes a far more dire toll in this country where domestic violence accounts for 30 percent of all homicides of women, annually creates about two million injuries, and prompts 18.5 million mental health care visits."
So some women prefer to notice and remark upon the subtle condescensions, the small occasions in which we are diminished, because those incidents reinforce and entrench larger injustices.
It's fine for you to be fine with interactions like the one Riversnow describes when they happen to you, but I don't think it's fair to invalidate her experience or to attack her interpretation of it. That feels like a sort of cultural gaslighting, and most of all it's unkind.
newboots
Angel Diva
I get so tired, remembering when it was like that most places I worked. It has gotten better most places, but looks like your field is behind!
Once in court, a threat had been made on the life of the defendant, who had killed a child. The court officers suggested getting all the women and children out of the courtroom for the arraignment. They meant well, but this would have meant that there would be no district attorney, court psychologist, or judge! Thanks, guys, but that’s not going to work!
sibhusky
Ski Diva Extraordinaire
But you are making an assumption about his intentions out of thin air. Did he say, "You don't want those, they are race skis"? Maybe he's just explaining the store layout to her.
I worked for a while in retail. It's amazing what customers take exception to. I had a lady ask me, "Is this the store with the best shower curtains?" Being it was a very small part of our stock (we had maybe six) and there was another store with an emphasis on bath products, I said I didn't know. I thought it was an odd question, frankly. Then she starts railing at me for being stupid and demands to see the owner. This guy could have just been making innocent small talk. I wasn't there. For all we know he tells guys the same thing.
And it's not that I don't have issues when I walk in ski shops. I have arguments about how to tune skis and which skis I should be looking at as well. But I have more concrete grounds than someone telling me the kind of skis I'm standing in front of. She didn't tell us he suggested she look at something else. Maybe he did. She didn't say that.
DeeSki
Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I was thinking about this too. Some of the incidents described in this thread are cases where the man in question may have been clumsily trying to make small talk. There’s no one on earth who has never unintentionally caused offense. However, I have been on the receiving end of deliberate harassment and patronizing remarks so many times that my tolerance for this stuff is reduced. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes I just can’t anymore.
My policy is never to take offense where none was intended. If someone makes a stupid comment and apologizes genuinely, I accept it.
But @sibhusky I know what you mean about difficult customers. I have never worked retail but in lots of other public facing roles, and there is a small number of people who take exception to everything.
My policy is never to take offense where none was intended. If someone makes a stupid comment and apologizes genuinely, I accept it.
But @sibhusky I know what you mean about difficult customers. I have never worked retail but in lots of other public facing roles, and there is a small number of people who take exception to everything.
