• Women skiers, this is the place for you -- an online community without the male-orientation you'll find in conventional ski magazines and internet ski forums. At TheSkiDiva.com, you can connect with other women to talk about skiing in a way that you can relate to, about things that you find of interest. Be sure to join our community to participate (women only, please!). Registration is fast and simple. Just be sure to add webmaster@theskidiva.com to your address book so your registration activation emails won't be routed as spam. And please give careful consideration to your user name -- it will not be changed once your registration is confirmed.

How are you addressed by your children's friends (18+)?

How do your young adult children's close friends address you?

  • Mrs. [last name]

    Votes: 1 14.3%
  • Miss/Ms [first name]

    Votes: 1 14.3%
  • Mama [first name or first initial of last name]

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • First name

    Votes: 7 100.0%

  • Total voters
    7

lisamamot

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
When my children were little they called all adults Mr and Mrs [last name] except for close family friends where it was Mr. [first name] and Miss [first name].

My two are now 18 and some of our family friends have requested a switch to first name only, but they still call most of their friends' parents by Mr/Mrs [last name] - heck, I am in my 50s and still do that with parents of childhood friends! At their work the culture is a level playing field and they address adults by first name only.

Entering this stage leaves me wondering what their new friends should call me - I am referring to very close friends, roommates, and boyfriend/girlfriends that will see me often enough to have a stronger relationship.

I am taking a poll as I am curious what others are doing!
 

Jilly

Moderator
Staff member
I think to address an adult by Mr, Mrs or Miss is a sign of respect. Most of my parents friends, that I would still address as Mr/Mrs. so and so, are gone. My one friends mother is still alive and I can't imagine calling her by her first name. Although she is no longer Mrs. B but Mrs. T.

But my friends young ones are calling me by my first name. There is still respect there in how they say it.
 

Christy

Angel Diva
The neighborhood kids of all ages call me Christy. I would be apoplectic if they ever called me Mrs. --. I cringe just thinking about that. So I think this is a very personal choice. (Though I can see how if they are young and you are in charge of them and need them to obey you a "Mrs" conveys some authority).
 

lisamamot

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
The neighborhood kids of all ages call me Christy. I would be apoplectic if they ever called me Mrs. --. I cringe just thinking about that. So I think this is a very personal choice. (Though I can see how if they are young and you are in charge of them and need them to obey you a "Mrs" conveys some authority).

I was never super comfortable with Mrs. --, but I settled into it and am ok with the now college-aged kids that I have known since they were toddlers calling me what they always have - it varies from Mrs ---, to Miss Lisa, to Mama S.

That said, it seems like now that I am establishing new relationships with young adults in my kids lives that perhaps there should be a shift...just not sure to what!
 

GeoGirl

Certified Ski Diva
I'm in my late 20s, and I address my friends' parents or mentor-aged people as Mrs/Mr LastName unless they specifically request otherwise, especially if I've known them since I was a kid. After college I started calling the great majority of new people that I met by their first name.
 

RachelV

Administrator
Staff member
When your kids are ~35 snd you're ~70, will you ask their friends to call you Mrs. S--? I don't mean that to sound snarky, I'm just honestly curious if it's the parent / child relationship that adds a dimension of respect you'd like to see, or if it's an age thing. If in 10 years you'd be fine with your kids' friends calling you by your first name, I say there's no reason not to start now.
 

mustski

Angel Diva
Both my former students and son’s friends have a hard time switching to my first name. I ask them to call me Pat but accept whatever they choose to call me. DS’s new friends all call us by our first name.
 

SkiBam

Angel Diva
I have NEVER been called anything other than my first name by all my kids' friends, since day one. I don't think simply using "Mrs" necessarily implies respect (plus I was never really a "Mrs" anything as I always used my maiden name). It's how they talk to you and how they treat you that counts, and I always felt totally respected.

I do know that switching is hard. I recall when my dear Auntie Joan requested that I drop the Auntie. Took a long time to feel comfortable with that. And living in a French-speaking culture, we have the issue of whether you should "vous" or "tu" someone. It's generally different here in Quebec (more informal) than in France, but I'm often quite befuddled by it.
 

lisamamot

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I accepted being Mrs. S-- when the kids were little, but I have never really liked it.....it made me feel old and I kept thinking that was my husband's mom, not me, lol.

The college-aged kids I meet now definitely use Mr. and Mrs. S-- unless told otherwise. I want to tell them otherwise, but I am trying to decide what I want to transition to. Part of this is hard since my hubby is more of a traditionalist than me and is good with the Mr. S--.

When your kids are ~35 snd you're ~70, will you ask their friends to call you Mrs. S--? I don't mean that to sound snarky, I'm just honestly curious if it's the parent / child relationship that adds a dimension of respect you'd like to see, or if it's an age thing
I am not looking for the respect in the naming convention as I feel I get that anyway. That said, they have all been taught growing up to address adults as Mr. and Mrs. and last name but I feel like at this point I am ready for a change and want to offer that. When we are at 35/70 vs 18/53 I would want to be Lisa. Perhaps I transition to that now or perhaps it is an age thing? Not sure.

I have NEVER been called anything other than my first name by all my kids' friends, since day one.
That is very interesting. Have most of your friends also gone the first name route even with little ones? I wonder if it is cultural - in our area it is nearly exclusively Mr. and Mrs. and last name.

Love hearing everyone's perspectives! Keep it coming :-)
 

sibhusky

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
Because I never took my husband's name, I always asked them to call me by my first name even when they were little (my daughter is 31 now). This caused issues for their parents at the time, but I told them Miss Manners said whatever someone asked to be addressed by was the right answer. Still didn't help of course, I was undermining their parental authority. So, they never called me anything.

Moving forward, I think nothing's changed. They still don't call me anything.
 
Last edited:

Ski Sine Fine

Angel Diva
We’re more formal...always Mr & Mrs. My children are barely out of teen years so their friends still call us Mr/Mrs and they address their friends’ parents similarly.

I also never call my in-laws by their first names. Probably considered old-fashioned by many.
 

Tvan

Angel Diva
I’m 57 and still call my parents friends Mr & Mrs ____. When I went to my college reunion a few years ago, I could not possibly call my former professors by their first names... so still Mr. D and Mrs. G to me.

I call my in-laws by their first names.

My god kids call me Aunt T, and call my husband by his first name. Other friends kids call me by my first name.
 

marzNC

Angel Diva
Having moved from NYC to NC back in the 1970s, I think there are still regional differences. In NC, a lot more Mr. and Mrs/Ms. used for friends of parents, with first names for closer friends. In NYC, what I remember was more using last names.

My daughter's situation is a bit different because she's attended private schools where teachers are called by first names since middle school. For family friends who are of Chinese descent, adults of parent generation are called Auntie/Uncle with first names. When kids get older (teens and up) can end up just first names. I don't usually bother to correct kids over age 10. It becomes up to the parents what they want their kids to do.

My daughter has a classmate from elementary school who always called his parents by their first names (family from PA originally). His parents decided it wasn't worth arguing about. He and his sister are some of the most respectful children I know.

I respond to whatever name is used. Since I didn't change my last name when I married my daughter's father, sometimes her friends say Mrs. C****** instead of Mrs. M****** and I don't correct them. My DD has her father's last name.

I definitely think differently than my mother did. She was always either Auntie or Mrs. M********. Since she was an older parent, she was often old enough to be the same age as my friends grandparents.
 

CarverJill

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
My kids are little (4 and 6) and I HATE when other parents correct their kids or prompt them to call me Ms. Jill. I have two mommy acquaintances who do that. I should probably correct them but it doesn't happen that often so I let it slide. I always tell kids my name is Jill. I can't even imagine being called by my last name. That's only for school teachers IMO. So I'd say go with your first name for these new college age kids.
 

sibhusky

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I know when I first married my husband I tried to call his parents mom and dad because they never gave me any direction. (My parents told my husband to call them their names.). But I couldn't do it because I never felt that way, so I transitioned from calling them mom and dad to calling them nothing, although I may have called her by her first name once or twice.

If any were still alive of my parents' friends, I know those that I knew as a kid I would still call them Mr and Mrs.
 

SqueakySnow

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
From my perspective, I only want kids calling me by my first name, no matter how old they are. I'm going out on a limb here to say this POV varies wildly depending on the region of the country you're in. When I go home to visit friends and family in the South, an adult's name is almost always preceded with Miss, Mrs, Ms. or Mr. and followed with Ma'am or Sir. However, other areas are absolutely first name only with a Ma'am or Sir taken as a personal affront. In other words, there's no golden rule for this one.
 

sibhusky

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I want to say here, that the use of Darling, Sweetie, Honey, etc. when used by ANYONE outside of my husband will set my back up something fierce. I know there are people who think this is perfectly acceptable for an adult to use when addressing another adult, but I have not been dropped on my head, and I am not a child. So remove it from your vocabulary. It was bad enough when I was in my 30's, 40's, 50's, but now that I'm a "senior" I'm getting it even more often. Really, you risk getting physically assaulted if you call me that, that's how much it winds me up. To me it is the supreme insult.
 

Ski Sine Fine

Angel Diva
Fascinating POVs for sure! Personally, it also depends on the nature of the encounter. Times have changed, but I never presume to call a client by their first name at work. We went to see an estate attorney once, and he started calling me by my first name right off the bat. I felt he was being overly familiar and unprofessional. I’m also used to being called ma’am since I was 24, having been in the military and all. Mostly, though, I accept however another adult wishes to address me.

I react the same way as @sibhusky to darling, honey, etc.
 

SkiBam

Angel Diva
I want to say here, that the use of Darling, Sweetie, Honey, etc. when used by ANYONE outside of my husband will set my back up something fierce. I know there are people who think this is perfectly acceptable for an adult to use when addressing another adult, but I have not been dropped on my head, and I am not a child. So remove it from your vocabulary. It was bad enough when I was in my 30's, 40's, 50's, but now that I'm a "senior" I'm getting it even more often. Really, you risk getting physically assaulted if you call me that, that's how much it winds me up. To me it is the supreme insult.

I agree TOTALLY with this!! Hate hate hate it when someone (who's not my sweetie) calls me"sweetie" or "honey" or whatever. I volunteer at the school breakfast program and one of my fellow volunteers calls all the kids sweetie (which I hate but can't do much about) - but when she called me "sweetie", I set her straight fast.

I have to admit, though, this is regional. I went to Newfoundland once and soon realized they called everyone "darlin'".
 

Christy

Angel Diva
I think those who say there are regional differences must be right. Hearing anyone called miss or mrs. here would be really strange.

The only people that ever call me sweetie or honey are a couple of female Pilates instructors that are younger than me. I think it's kind of sweet. It's such a different situation than, say, my friend who is a flight attendant on the Seattle-Anchorage run who gets called those names by all the gross old Alaskan men trying to get another drink.
 

Members Online



Top