Question: What should I do with my LIFE?

[Swamp Dog]

I posted this on AZ, and would also like a women's only perspective as well. Hope no one minds the cut & paste job. It really is a serious question.
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What would you do if you were me. Here's some facts, ask if I've missed anything vital:

46 yr old female.

married 25+ years

2 kids, oldest is 23 and planning on "boomeranging" when her lease is up (I'm ok with that). 2nd is 19 yr old son in 2nd year of college.

I have a (very) small pension that I receive after leaving a crappy "career" in 2002.

Obtained my BS in Elementary Education after leaving said crappy career.

Can't find a teaching gig here in the Lakes Region of NH.

I've had a variety of interesting jobs since 2002, but nothing that really grabbed me.

Working on getting into the local RN program, but that doesn't fill me with excitement either. Just another way to make ends meet.

We sold our home to move here, so we're in a rental unit, now on a month to month basis. Thirty days notice and we can be gone.

Spouse has a stable job.

I'll be subbing in a few local schools and hope to get something at Gunstock when they open.

Money is tight. As usual.

ok, let me have it. What would you do if you were me? While you all fix my life, I'm going to go take a nap because A&P is going to make my head explode.

Ellen

 

[ski diva]

This is tough. Really, everyone is different, so what's good for one person isn't necessarily right for you.

Short of picking up stakes and moving -- which wouldn't be optimal since your DH has a steady job and there's a lot to be said for that --getting work at a local ski area sounds like a good alternative. I know from experience that the pay isn't great, but the perks are good: free skiing, food discounts, etc. If you can hack the pay, it's not a bad way to go, at least til you figure something else out.

What was your other career? Is it something that could translate into another job, locally? Maybe even at a ski area?

Anyway, best of luck. These life-changing decisions are hard.

 

[Lilgeorg]

This is an opportunity! I worked for the same company for over 25 years but within that company I ended up with many different " jobs".
I came to realize that ALL my experiences prepared me for my next roll even though I did not see it at the time. So here is the perfect opportunity to design the job of your dreams.

I would sit down with a piece of paper and write out what a perfect job FOR YOU looks like. What are the hours? What kind of work would it be? Do you need to go to a work place? Do you need people around you? Do you have salary requirements? Do you want to work with your hands? Do you want to be outside? See what I am getting at? Not a role like nurse or teacher but the essence of the work.

Now that you have your perfect job defined, read all the job adds. What fills your requirements? Didn't find anything. that's ok. Post your dream job on the frig and read it every day. Tell everyone you know about your dream job.

It will come.

Have faith in the process and try not to stress out. Take any job to fill the coffers if you need to, but keep your dream job on the frig.

While you are waiting you could write a resume that highlights experience and your skills for that dream job so you are ready when the knock comes.

I wish you the very best.

Lil

 

[Jilly]

lilgeorge - I love your idea. I was thinking along the same lines.

First Swamp Dog - what don't you like and what do you like to do? Make a list. How can you fit what you like to do into a job? This is so similar to what lilgeorge is saying, but coming at it from a different perspective. As she says, not a "label" like teacher, nurse, but good with people, or like numbers, or like to cook, whatever.

Good luck!

 

[abc]

What makes you tick?

You talk about jobs. But what would you do 3 years after you win the lottery?

(I presume you'll buy everything you could afford now if you win the lottery. But after a while, you'll need to figure out what to do with your life given you don't need to work to make money any more...)

I had that discussion with my Mom after she retired. She ended up doing a lot of volunteer work she enjoyed. And then, she mentioned she could use some money to help out her expense. And the place she volunteered offered her a part time job! Now she's happy doing what she enjoy while making ends meet!!!

 

[Jenn]

Hi Swamp Dog,

Is it the job that's the problem? I've had some fun jobs, but none as fulfilling as I'd like. Is DH OK with being the main breadwinner? If so, I'd pick up whatever jobs I could and tag my $ for fun stuff rather than waiting for a dream job. If DH's idea of fun doesn't match yours, you do your thing and he can do his! My DH is not a skier :( and we've both decided that we're happier when I go solo rather than halfheartedly spending time together doing his thing (snowmobiling, visiting friends at cabins, ice fishing). I think he loves the joy I exude after a couple of days on the slopes!

(I do like lilgeorg's approach, but this is my take on life after kids

 

[Swamp Dog]

What was your other career? Is it something that could translate into another job, locally? Maybe even at a ski area?

I delivered mail. Completely and utterly useless in the real world. Pay was great but completely unfulfilling. Luckily (??) I developed just enough arthritis to retire early and STILL live a little. Ever see a retired old mailman? All hunched up and bent over. Sad.

Thanks Lil....I'm good for making lists. I don't do offices well, I like being outside doing things. That being said, a classroom is strangely ok.

abc, maybe I'll get lucky like your mom? LOL What a great story. That's sort of how I ended up teaching swim lessons at the Y. I swam there and they asked me to teach.

Jenn, that's sort of where I am now. What I earn helps, but it's not entirely critical. Of course we'd like to buy a house here and that would change.

DH is ok being the breadwinner. He better be. I was for the first 16 years we were married so now it's his turn. He doesn't ski either but supports my ski habit. Last winter he had so much work that he hardly got out to snowshoe. This year he says he wants to learn to ski. We'll see how that goes.

you guys may find this funny....

since my son was here for the summer (stay-at-home-son for those not on FB) and not working I went looking for some stupid part-time job. He did everything around the house and I gave him most of what I made this summer. Not like it was lot...but I digress....

Anyhow....I was working at Home Depot. Now let me say that this was the first and LAST time I will ever work retail. It came to a screeching halt last Friday night.

When I was hired they said part time, 25 hours. Sure enough, I was scheduled for 35+ so I changed my availability after a few weeks of that. Twenty-four hours was plenty, and I was willing to close. Every day I spent there I contemplated quitting. I have never been so bored in my life. Stupid corporate and local policies mademe want to pull my hair out. I came close to walking out on more than one occasion.

So last friday night the supervisor fails to give me my break. When he's near me I ask him to watch my register so I can use the bathroom. When I came back my paper was gone.

I asked him where he put it and he said he had to throw it away. I was flabbergasted. Not only did he throw it away he shredded the Sudoku I was working on. Ok, it's after 9PM, there's not a customer in sight, and I am going to go stir crazy.

He tells me it;s what he's supposed to do. I'm supposed to stand there and do NOTHING. Yeah. I threw away my stupid orange apron and walked out. Can't believe I lasted all of 3 months.

NEVER AGAIN!

oh, and the pay? let's just say I was making more in high school 30 years ago. Sheesh.

So from now on I'll be a bit more picky about what crappy jobs I take LOL And the school called today with a bunch of subbing dates over the next few weeks for me.

Thanks all!

 

[ski now work later]

Hey Swamp Dog, here in New England in rural communities there aren't a ton of employment opportunities, so you might want to think about an at home business that has a decent hourly wage to make it worth your while. I have clients who work from home as billing consultants for doctors and mental health professionals. Pay isn't bad, and while it's not the most exciting work, but they can do it on their own schedule and there is a never ending need for their services. I would think that the training is pretty straightforward and all you need is the computer and software and a modest home office set up to do it.

I've been self-employed for almost 19 years. It has its ups and downs, but overall I really like it. I was in the process of developing career goals for my next decade (I'm turning 50 next week and in my profession, entering my peak earning years) and then this summer my younger daughter's illness required that I change some of those goals so I am consistently around geographically over the next 6-10 years until she's done with high school and college. It's a never-changing process, reinventing ourselves.

Good luck! Hope to catch up with you again this Winter, it was fun skiing together at Okemo on Diva Day~

 

[Jilly]

Swamp Dog - that is Home Depot just about everywhere. I have a co-worker that they accused of stealing a flashlight. If you're going to steal something from HD it's usually a generator or such. Big ticket item. He hung in there to get a settlement from them and left.

Go for the subbing and let them know you can be called even in the morning of. That way you're on the list first for work. It may/could lead to full time, or permenant part time. We have a lot of .5 teachers in our board. Women want to balance family and work.

 

[3dogsKris]

I face similar job related problems, but I don't have the teaching creds. I would sub and try to find some teachers that you really like who will call you every time they need some one. I was a sub when we lived in Colorado (you didn't need certification). I became a "permanent sub" for a few teachers and ended up working 3-4 days a week. That still left time to ski! Before we had to move, one of the schools I subbed at asked me to work there full time while I got my cert. at night! On the other hand, if you can hack the everyday at the mountain (no matter what) try working at a ski area for a season and see what you missed when you were being a responsible adult in your 20's.

 

[Pequenita]

oh, and the pay? let's just say I was making more in high school 30 years ago. Sheesh.

Gah.

I love lilgeorge's advice, and I think it works for anyone looking for meaningful occupation that makes her happy. Good luck!

 

[Kiragirl]

I have a teaching degree but have not used that for many years. {edit} I really should not say that I have not used it; I switched over to "corporate" training and was very prepared for that and very good at it.

anyway, if you keep subbing you'll likely be on the "top of the list" if an opening occurs, maybe a maternity leave (?)

Can you tutor privately?

 

[Slidergirl]

I'll go along with the advice to just get a job, regardless of what it pays, as long as you think you'll be happy at it. Then, you'll at least have some food money to donate to the household while you figure out a true 2nd career.
I spent my 20+ years as a software tester and programmer. The last 12 at Cisco Systems totally burned me out on it. I just didn't enjoy the grind of keeping up with the kids from India and China who didn't mind working 60-70 hours/week. So, with the permission of my now-ex, I quit. I was going to spend my newfound time volunteering, but then I got divorced. I got a job in lift operations at Park City Mt. Resort this past summer. Yeah, the pay was awful, but I will say it was the most fun I've ever had at a job. I'm going the same thing this year. I'm transitioning into a new home in the next 3 months, so I didn't want a heavy job to get in the way of getting a new house in order.
But, really, take the time and just find something you'd like to try. Even if it's for a little while, it will be good for your mental health!!

 

[KatyPerrey]

Hey Swamp Dog-
Whatever you decide to do (and I'm sure you will find something you like) just remember you have a really cool "Aussie"!!

 

[Granite]

Hi there, i`m new to this site, phew what a relief to talk to women.
I agree with previous posters that it`s better to be in ANY job and `wonder what to do with you life` than not be in a job, no money coming in and still `wondering`.
I am in similar situation, divorced with no one to support me. I had been in the marine industry for 20 years, well paid but was struggling with my stamina.
With the financial climate here in the UK I can`t even find a job stacking shelves now , and wish my PRIDE had not got in the way of taking jobs that had been offered to me before the downturn.I have since done Ski Tech course and to follow my dream I will have to relocate to France (can`t get into USA). A huge disruption but I know what I want for the rest of my life. I`m 52 , you have youth on your side. Good luck

By the way ladies, I will be in Winter Park CO from January for 2 months and would LOVE to hear from anyone who would like to hook up . Outa bounds and Berthoud OR coffee and cake!

 

[Slidergirl]

Welcome Granite!
It seems like there are quite a few of us "mature" women in the same situation. We will all survive. One thing I found out this past winter was that, by working with all the 20-somethings at the ski area, I was rejuvenated. I told them that I was living vicariously through their exploits. Perhaps you will get the same experience on your journey to France. You are a brave woman to strike out on this. I wish you good luck!!

 

[MaineSkiLady]

Good luck, Swamp Dog. Lots of good advice herein, and although I don't have anything particularly useful to add to it (subscribing, by accident and/or necessity, to the "Life-Is-What-Happens-to-You-While-You're-Busy-Making-Other-Plans" philosophy), we'll be rooting for you and hoping for a positive outcome!

 

[abc]

abc, maybe I'll get lucky like your mom? LOL What a great story. That's sort of how I ended up teaching swim lessons at the Y. I swam there and they asked me to teach.

So it sounds like you like teaching and are good at it. My first reaction is stick with teaching then.

You can:

1) keep on subbing and wait for a more stable teaching post to open up. Since your DH is supporting the household, you have time on your side during the wait. In the meantime, volunteer to do something you really enjoy. If it turns into something paying, great. If not, you enjoy yourself and helpping others.

2) Move to another location that has more teaching opportunity. That would require a lot more consideration and also need to match what your other half's career.

(I'm a bit bias. I went to college planning to be a teacher. Ended up with a research degree and now working in software programming! I've been told by friends and co-workers that I'm very good at explaining complicated ideas and making it easy to understand to non-experts. So I kind of felt slightly missing my calling. And occasionally contemplated about taking up teaching as my "pre-retirement" career. )

 

[Swamp Dog]

man, I love you guys! LOL

lots of good advice and insight here, I appreciate all of it. All of a sudden my subbing plate is pretty full. Before you know it ski season will be here and then maybe my funk will end? That's what I'm hoping for.

And of course as Katy mentioned, I have a very cool Aussie!

 

[PNWSkier]

Since you have a "really cool Aussie" (I love mine too) maybe look into working PT for a breeder, kennel or pet supply store? It's something and is in line with something/someone you love.