Eating at the bar

[ling]

This came up on the "Guys can't keep up" thread. I thought it interesting enough to have a poll on what people are assuming (or NOT assuming) when eating at the bar.

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[Jilly]

How about, by myself and don't want to take up a 4 person table??

 

[ling]

How about, by myself and don't want to take up a 4 person table??

I would file that under the "there's a long wait for table"? Because if there isn't a shortage of tables, I'd enjoy having the extra space.

Come to think of it, there're other reason to eat at the bar. Faster service is another. But to be honest, I was thinking along the line of whether someone choose to eat at the bar to be social or not.

Disclaimer: I eat at the bar often.

A lot of restaurants allow you to order food at the bar if you don't want to wait for a table. I've taken advantage of that often. And I never assume the person sitting next to me, ALSO EATING, has any other motivation.

But perhaps I'm being naïve?

 

[kiki]

I like to eat at the bar if I'm on my own, it feels more casual. I feel less out of place. And I'm always open for conversation.

I think if people want to pick someone else up there are more effective methods than eating at the bar.

 

[SallyCat]

I like to eat at the bar if I'm on my own, it feels more casual. I feel less out of place. And I'm always open for conversation.

Exactly: me, too. If people near me are not interested in convo, I don't impose; just busy myself with the phone or chat with the bartender. Generally my age and appearance (Let's say "down to earth" or "not trying" ) means that there's no pick-upy subtext to any convo. (Also, if there were subtext, I'm too oblivious to notice it). It's just so weird those rare occasions when someone wants to connect beyond bar chat, for whatever reason. I've spent a lifetime being the plain, quiet friend amongst more attractive and outgoing girlfriends, so I'm just used to not being noticed. Honestly, the bartender recently called my drink the other day before I'd sat down and I was stunned that she even remembered that I'd ever been there.

 

[SallyCat]

How about, by myself and don't want to take up a 4 person table??

Yep. If I do want a table, I always ask the hostess if it's ok, and are they busy, etc. I just figure it's a polite way of acknowledging their need to maximize table space.

 

[Christy]

I also will head to the bar when I'm alone and whether or not there is a wait for a table. It's more casual and the service is generally faster. You generally don't get stuck waiting for the bill for 20 minutes like you might at a table. I feel like there might have been an assumption by a previous generation that a woman sitting alone wants company but amongst my generation (40s) I don't think that's true. Or maybe in some places it still is--I generally travel on the West Coast and sometimes in the interior West, so I guess I don't know what it's like if you're in Tampa or Chicago.

 

[kiki]

Good point @Christy i think the demographic and location may also incluence this.

I too am in my 40s and on the West Coast, usually in urban areas. I'm thinking a small town versus big town and type of bar or restaurant may also impact perceptions and expectations.

 

[Christy]

My husband and I do talk to strangers at bars on ski trips. Everyone is relaxed and happy and it's easy to be friendly. I don't generally take ski trips alone so I don't know if people would be more likely to engage a solo woman in a ski town.

 

[Albertan ski girl]

With my mid-week lessons this past month, I went up twice the night before because of storm forecasts, and found myself eating at the bar alone both times. Both times, I was surrounded by other people along eating at the bar, checking, all checking snow-forecast.com compulsively, and engaging in light conversation. So both of my recent experiences have been: people sit at the bar because they don't want to take up a table and are there just getting food before a powder dump.

 

[ski diva]

Sometimes the bar menu is different from the restaurant menu. Often it's more casual and less expensive. So there's that, too.

 

[NewEnglandSkier]

I voted for both They want a conversation and there is a long wait for a table.
I'm not one who likes to eat at the bar if I have the opportunity for a table. I don't like feeling cramped, I don't want a conversation and I don't like having televisions flashing away at me when I'm trying to have a meal.
However, if I have failed to plan ahead and there would be a long wait for a table, I will eat at the bar if I really want to eat at that restaurant.

 

[CrystalRose]

It's funny to read people's interpretations of something so innocent. I rarely eat alone just because I'd rather be in the comfort of my home or hotel room when solo. But on the rare occasion I have sat at the bar it's to: a) not draw as much attention to the fact that I'm alone and b)not take up a whole table for one.

I've never sat at the bar and thought "I can't wait for a random stranger to talk to me!" I wouldn't be rude or object if someone did but it's not my goal.

 

[SallyCat]

It's funny to read people's interpretations of something so innocent.

I think Christy's point about generational culture gaps is a good one. We're really not all that distant from a time when it was absolutely not done for a "respectable" woman to sit at a bar alone. Maybe there's just some residual weirdness about it.

 

[CrystalRose]

I think Christy's point about generational culture gaps is a good one. We're really not all that distant from a time when it was absolutely not done for a "respectable" woman to sit at a bar alone. Maybe there's just some residual weirdness about it.

What generation was that? Just curious. Surely Gen Xers don't have those ideals right? Or what time frame would it be seen as weird? 80s? 90s? I've never really thought about it from that perspective...

 

[kiki]

I mentioned this to DH earlier, who is early 50's. He tells me - " a woman at a bar alone? Of course she's looking to get picked up."

Some debate did ensue.

 

[SallyCat]

What generation was that? Just curious. Surely Gen Xers don't have those ideals right? Or what time frame would it be seen as weird? 80s? 90s? I've never really thought about it from that perspective...

I was thinking more historically, like the 1940s and '50s and probably into the '60s. Not that there's anyone at the bar in high-waisted pants and a fedora giving single women the stink-eye, just that even though it's not consciously frowned upon anymore, we can still have latent cultural assumptions about what's within and outside the "norm."

 

[CrystalRose]

Mmmm. I feel context makes a difference. Where is this bar? Chili's? The ski lodge? A trendy restaurant downtown? What am I wearing? What is my body language?

Downtown: I may be looking for male attention. At the ski resort: I'm taking a break and it's probably a rough day (as I don't drink that often). But that's just me, someone is probably always on the prowl (men and women). I'm oblivious to people in general so if you see me at the bar I'm in my own world.

 

[mustski]

Honestly, the bartender recently called my drink the other day before I'd sat down and I was stunned that she even remembered that I'd ever been there.

That is a bartender who is good at her job. I turned a dead empty Friday night in th golf course bar into a jamming swing club's favorite spot just by remembering a couple of drinks! That club payed for my graduate work!

I think Christy's point about generational culture gaps is a good one. We're really not all that distant from a time when it was absolutely not done for a "respectable" woman to sit at a bar alone. Maybe there's just some residual weirdness about it.

I'm 58 and I have sat at bars by myself my entire life. It has always been ok as far as I can tell - especially if eating. DH and I sit at the bar pretty often because we enjoy the conversation with others. We're not trying to pick anyone up. Just chatting.

 

[vickie]

I usually eat at the bar at a restaurant for "none of the above" reasons.

I actually find it kind of -- for lack of a better word -- creepy that someone would label me for sitting there.

Go Lindsey! You show 'em what a woman can do!

Go Mikaela! ABFTTB!

But make my food order "to go" rather than sit at the bar? Day-um.