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Eating at the bar

Assumption

  • They want a conversaation

    Votes: 5 31.3%
  • They hope to hook up for soemthing more later

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • There's a long wait for table

    Votes: 15 93.8%

  • Total voters
    16

Abbi

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
This came up on the "Guys can't keep up" thread. I thought it interesting enough to have a poll on what people are assuming (or NOT assuming) when eating at the bar.




You missed the 'I like to sit at the bar' as a question!!
 

Abbi

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
Exactly: me, too. If people near me are not interested in convo, I don't impose; just busy myself with the phone or chat with the bartender. Generally my age and appearance (Let's say "down to earth" or "not trying" :becky:) means that there's no pick-upy subtext to any convo. (Also, if there were subtext, I'm too oblivious to notice it). It's just so weird those rare occasions when someone wants to connect beyond bar chat, for whatever reason. I've spent a lifetime being the plain, quiet friend amongst more attractive and outgoing girlfriends, so I'm just used to not being noticed. Honestly, the bartender recently called my drink the other day before I'd sat down and I was stunned that she even remembered that I'd ever been there.

@SallyCat - I nearly snorted my coffee out my nose!! "down to earth" or "not trying" .. OMG!!!!:rotf:
 

SallyCat

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I turned a dead empty Friday night in th golf course bar into a jamming swing club's favorite spot just by remembering a couple of drinks! That club payed for my graduate work!

Nice!! That is SO cool! I always admire bartenders, especially the ones who manage to be very busy but also attentive to everyone at the same time.
 

RachelV

Administrator
Staff member
What generation was that? Just curious. Surely Gen Xers don't have those ideals right? Or what time frame would it be seen as weird? 80s? 90s? I've never really thought about it from that perspective...

I (a 37-yo lady) have had all kinds of reactions when walking into a restaurant and saying I was alone and wanted to sit at the bar, from the hostess (who was also youngish!) saying "just one??? *gassssppppp*" and then covering her heart with her hands (if it was possible to kill people by staring daggers at them she wouldn't have stood a chance), to the more usual reaction of people not caring even a little bit. But the antiquated points of view are definitely still out there.
 

newboots

Angel Diva
@CrystalRose - Here in the almost-eligible-for-Medicare generation, I found your comment about what generation might have found a woman sitting alone at a bar unseemly both hilarious and exciting/heart-warming. That's so cool that this never occurred to you!

Just watch an episode of Mad Men to get a feel for that era. I can't stand to watch it - that was the life I expected to grow up into and Hallelujah! the second wave of feminism changed our life trajectory!

A "lady" did not sit at the bar alone. She expected the door to be held open for her, and pretended to be slightly incapable of all sorts of things to make the men feel superior. She almost never voiced an opinion, except to make a man think it was his idea. A woman sitting at the bar alone was "loose," or worse, "asking for it."
 

Abbi

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
@CrystalRose - Here in the almost-eligible-for-Medicare generation, I found your comment about what generation might have found a woman sitting alone at a bar unseemly both hilarious and exciting/heart-warming. That's so cool that this never occurred to you!

Just watch an episode of Mad Men to get a feel for that era. I can't stand to watch it - that was the life I expected to grow up into and Hallelujah! the second wave of feminism changed our life trajectory!

A "lady" did not sit at the bar alone. She expected the door to be held open for her, and pretended to be slightly incapable of all sorts of things to make the men feel superior. She almost never voiced an opinion, except to make a man think it was his idea. A woman sitting at the bar alone was "loose," or worse, "asking for it."

And I think we have 'come a long way, baby'!!
 

MI-skier

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I've eaten at the bar alone due to travel and find it easier, cheaper and I'm never one to turn down happy hour deals. I do make conversation with other males/females. Never would I have given it an option that I'm there to pick up or assume others are there to pick up. Realistically isn't that what tinder/bumble are for? LOL...who does that anymore in a bar? I've never been picked up and I hope I'm not giving off that vibe. If someone thinks that, my response is "Don't flatter yourself". LOL.
 

mustski

Angel Diva
@CrystalRose - Here in the almost-eligible-for-Medicare generation, I found your comment about what generation might have found a woman sitting alone at a bar unseemly both hilarious and exciting/heart-warming. That's so cool that this never occurred to you!

Just watch an episode of Mad Men to get a feel for that era. I can't stand to watch it - that was the life I expected to grow up into and Hallelujah! the second wave of feminism changed our life trajectory!

A "lady" did not sit at the bar alone. She expected the door to be held open for her, and pretended to be slightly incapable of all sorts of things to make the men feel superior. She almost never voiced an opinion, except to make a man think it was his idea. A woman sitting at the bar alone was "loose," or worse, "asking for it."
Huh. I don't think I'm too much younger than you and I never encountered that. I sat at bars alone all the time - especially skiing or while traveling. I travelled alone a lot.
 

newboots

Angel Diva
Huh. I don't think I'm too much younger than you and I never encountered that. I sat at bars alone all the time - especially skiing or while traveling. I travelled alone a lot.

Well, hm. I'm being literal about the almost-eligible-for-Medicare thing!

It hasn't happened often to me. I don't send off that vibe either. But it happened just a few years ago when I was at a wine-and-cheese bar in a hotel where my daughter worked. I was there to hang out while she worked, read, and try the exotic cheeses she served. This guy was seriously drunk and standing way too close. I finally told him he was too close, and he argued with me about the appropriate distance. Drunk, like I said. Finally her buddy the sommelier got involved, and the drunk guy went back to his table. It was very unpleasant. She said there's always a convention at that hotel, and often intoxicated men who are living the wild life away from home.

Gross.
 

snowski/swimmouse

Angel Diva
For me I guess it's fairly recent years that I'd sit at a bar by myself. Coincidentally that's what I did today! It was a miserable rainy day and only three of us showed up for our Women On Wednesday (WOW) class and the other two headed home immediately after class while coming from another state, I spent last night up here and now tonight. Being a soggy skimouse, I decided that I deserved a treat and went to check out the local brews at the cozy (see thread on old timey homey resorts) bar. I started out talking with the bartender and midway through my lunch and beer a guy half my age came up and got a beer and popcorn. He bought my second beer as we talked about various snow toys and the state of Vermont. Eventually we both went back out to the slopes again until too soggy for words... Bottom line, I'm just a social being and enjoy conversation... (Helmet hair can't possibly lead anyone to any other thoughts!)
 

Kimmyt

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
An amusing story, when I was in college I spent the summer working at a big farm research facility in Northern Ireland. It was a 'posh' little town (the Queen has a residence there) but also oddly rural and quaint because the farm workers were largely rural people from all over the countryside. We were.... three college aged American girls on a summer break. They gave us a place to stay, jobs, and we only had a few channels of BBC on the tele. So what were we to do all summer? Well, it was a small town, so there wasn't much to do there other than try out the pubs. So sometimes when the boys (and it was mostly men we worked with) went to the local pub, we would join them. We thought this fine and normal, we were just grabbing a pint with our coworkers and enjoying some conversation.

One day, we went to the local bakery to buy some bread and the woman who was working the counter says, 'Oh, you're those American girls that drink at the pub with the men!' in a very judgy kind of way.

So apparently It. Was. Not. Done. to drink at the local pub with a variety of local married men. We never really saw other women there, but it never really occurred to us that in that culture maybe what we were doing didn't really fit in with how things were done.

I don't think they minded as much when we went to the 'club' that was a fancier version of the pub upstairs later in the night, as that was a space for the young folk, but for some reason us sitting in the pub and having a drink with our coworkers was the talk of the town!
 

mustski

Angel Diva
I posed a version of the OPs question over on our local, boy-heavy ski forum. There's a broad age range there, but it's almost all guys. I thought it might be interesting. Will report back.
I look forward to hearing the results! There are always going to be men who want to pick up attractive women. It doesn’t take a bar for that to happen! I think I have always put out a “don’t even think about it vibe” ...even when I didn’t intend to.
 

SallyCat

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
So far the results are "meh, no big deal, I just assume she's there to eat/drink/not to take up a table."

One guy said that people in general just shouldn't care what others think. I replied that sometimes for women being aware of how you'll be perceived can help avoid harassment, or worse. And of course members of the LGBTQ community and African American men, for example, must be aware of how they're perceived so as to avoid violence and discrimination. Point being that not caring what others think is the luxury of some particular demographic groups.

Other than that, the responses were generally encouraging.
 

ling

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
20+ years ago, I had a bad experience DRINKING at the bar (and I wasn't even alone, I was with another girl). I've never again drink at the bar alone since.

But I routinely EAT at the bar. Never had any "reaction" other than we're-eating-at-a-communal-table. So never thought much of it. It's only since it was mentioned on the other thread that I thought to ask the perspective of others.

Glad to see it's confirmed it's no biggie.
 

Randi M.

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I eat at the counter at diners alone all the time and would just as happily eat at a bar at a casual pub. To me it’s just a lower key way of eating alone.

However, I do not set foot in a hotel bar, or even eat alone in a hotel restaurant, at night when I am traveling alone in business. I have this (irrational?) fear of being followed to my hotel room. I either eat out with colleagues or clients, or order in room service.
 

Randi M.

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I just asked my husband and he said “Either she wanted a bite to eat and was alone, she got stood up, or she was meeting someone and was too hungry to wait.”

I told him I was so proud of him for being so enlightened and for thinking of women as actual people.
 

ling

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
However, I do not set foot in a hotel bar, or even eat alone in a hotel restaurant, at night when I am traveling alone in business. I have this (irrational?) fear of being followed to my hotel room.
I think it's perfectly rational. You're being sensible.

I once drank at a hotel bar. Well, what followed was so awful that it was the last time I NEVER EVER drank at the bar alone!

I rarely eat at hotel restaurants. Though it is not out of fear of someone following me back to my room. It's just most mid-price hotels don't have good restaurants on site. I'd rather go out to a decent restaurant. And if the weather is yucky, I just order pizza. (I'm a big pizza fan anyway)
 
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