Does Fear Betray You?

[Serafina]

Not that I think it's really protecting me, but I have the feeling that without it down, I might be somehow tempted to jump off. Like if I'm near the edge of a cliff, I might just jump. Totally weird and irrational, but a fear nevertheless. I know that if ever I'm somewhere where there's no bar, I'll be holding on to the back of the chair the entire way up!

Too funny! I have that EXACT same thing! I get the worst vertigo if I'm even standing on a step ladder, and have this bizarre feeling like I might fling myself off into the thin air. Fortunately for me, the state law in VT mandates 1) you must have a bar, and 2) bar must be put down for the trip. I ALWAYS do this! I do not even like the simple bar without the foot-rest thing. If I'm in a lift with one of these, I do hang on to the back of the chair!

There is a run on my hill that is supposed to be a LOT of fun, and I haven't been able to bring myself to do it even though it is a blue. What I know is that I ski past the entrance to the run at the summit and there are always clots of skiers standing at the top, inspecting the run, and you can't see a thing of the run at all from the main through-way. I worry that if I go over there to look, a wind will blow me over and I will fall all the way down the mountain. How silly is this?!?!?

Today, it was VERY windy. Windy enough that a lot of the lifts were on wind-hold. I took a 2-step stage to go to a part of the ski area that tends to be less frequented, and because it has no green runs at all in or out of it, is definitely not frequented by punters and usually is mellow and uncongested even when the rest of the hill is clogged. On stage 2 of the trip up I shared the chair with 2 little girls from the ski school. The wind was hellacious, and blowing the chair around pretty handily...and the lifties slowed the thing waaaaaay down, which made it safer but prolonged the agony.

They were, they told me "dark blues" (and heading down the run I don't even have the nerve to inspect). I was Very Impressed with them, at which point they shared with me that they were both Very Scared of what this lift was doing, and wanted to talk about What Happens When The Lift Breaks And People Have To Jump Off. I assured them that the lifties were looking out for us and that if they thought the lift might break, they would let us off properly to ski down and then not let anyone else ride it, and pointed out as evidence the adjacent summit lift that was not running. This did not fully reassure them. They were scared enough to want to hold hands with a stranger (so I did) and I told them that the ski patrol could take the foam bumpers off the lift towers and make a cushion for them to jump on, just like a bed, only farther away (and thanks to whoever posted recently about watching this very thing happen last week...because while it might or might not happen for *this* lift, I knew it had happened for *a* lift, so I didn't feel like I was lying).

The did not Like This Lift Ride, and I told them that I didn't either, so they were perfectly right to not be happy about it.

 

[skibum4ever]

I was on something fairly steep and fairly narrow a couple of weeks ago, and I tried a mantra of "plant, turn" "plant, turn" etc. Eight plant, turns and I was into an area that was wider though still steep.

For some reason I was able to make all the turns (the penalty for not making them was potentially bad!).

I intend to try this again the next time I am on steep terrain and see if it works again for me.

And yes, I am famous (infamous?) for becoming paralyzed at the top of steep or crowded runs. Unfortunately, the longer you stare at them, the steeper they get.

 

[Blue Diamond]

Serafina,
A full blown blizzard is something that has also made me almost freeze in fear, even in terrain that I have handled before. I also have had that feeling of responsibility having with you someone with less skill that you convinced to come along. It’s like “I better manage this fear, or this person is never going to trust me again.”

B.E.G.,
Following someone is great, indeed, as you and bouncewoosh suggest. My problem is most of the time I am skiing with my hubby, as snowboarder, and because we usually ski on weekdays, many times we are the only ones on a certain slope. It doesn’t help much to follow a snowboarder, and if he doesn’t ski (his case) he cannot give you much input either.
I like your idea of the “healthy amount of fear” to keep us responsible and prevent us from getting ourselves into too much trouble.

Liquid Yellow,
That place looks fantastic!!! Maybe worth experiencing some fear?
Regarding the incident you told us, I swear I could feel that fear as I was reading your story. Your managed it in a great way, though! I don’t know how I would have reacted after seeing people sliding out of control before my eyes.

 

[Blue Diamond]

Not difficult skiing but with potentially no-fall places. Some traverses can be like that - no superior skills are required but if for some freakish reason you fall you'll be dead.

Snowaddict,
To me that situation is very scary. It doesn't matter if it's an almost flat terrain, if there is no room for mistake, I would go down that run pretty scared. That is why I stick to the uphill side whenever I am doing a traverse that has a cliff on the other side. And in fact, it took me a while to stop snowplowing on those slopes.

If the latter, remember, the first turn is the hardest. I often tell myself, just make that one turn and it will be okay – and it is.

SkiBam,
That is soooo true! I have been there so many times. Looking down from the top of the hill, using my “yoga breathing”, and just convincing myself to do that “first” turn. If that first turn goes well, the fear decreases greatly with each subsequent turn.
On the irrational fear, my DH has the same problem with the “wanting to jump” of a cliff. I do not feel that, however, I do hold on to the chair wherever there is no bar.

Crutchesgirl,
You are right, a little alcohol in your system can decrease your fear. However, I don’t think it would work in my particular case. I am very cautious in many other aspects of my life, but when it comes to skiing, I am always pushing myself. I feel that if I ski on alcohol my fear will certainly decrease, but that could get me in trouble. In fact, when I do have a beer, I say to myself “no more black runs, just blues.” I can get overconfident really easy .

 

[litterbug]

I'm pretty good with the mantra thing--toes, ball, heels; toes, balls, heels; no no, both toes, balls, heels...for a while it was "point the head downhill; point the head downhill...

Singing and chanting work not only because they focus your mind, which stops the panic cycle, but they make you breathe. Belly breaths are the most useful tools in the entire universe; they actually reduce stress hormones, including adrenaline, and increase happy hormones. When standing on top of something that looks unreasonably hard I stop, square my shoulders, and take a few nice deep ones. Then I take that much-vaunted athletic stance and go.

But if after the breaths it still seems unreasonable, I do a sideslipping traverse. There is no shame in making sure that all my pieces and parts get to the bottom at the same time. I speak from some experience in other outdoor sports. And just knowing that I have a safe way out and will take it if necessary makes it easier to contemplate the task and how to proceed.

A story: once, while my friend Lori was leading a tichy tips-of-the-fingers-and-toes climb she started whimpering and froze while trying to find a place to put a piece of protection to anchor the rope to. For some reason I started to sing 'Wild Thing' by Jimi Hendrix, including the guitar parts, which made her laugh and got her going again. That became standard practice for us, although if one of us started actually whining, the other would say "Oh, it's harrrrrd, it's so harrrrrrd". Sometimes the whiner would start the refrain. Anyone climbing nearby generally thought we were nuts.

 

[bounceswoosh]

A story: once, while my friend Lori was leading a tichy tips-of-the-fingers-and-toes climb she started whimpering and froze while trying to find a place to put a piece of protection to anchor the rope to. For some reason I started to sing 'Wild Thing' by Jimi Hendrix, including the guitar parts, which made her laugh and got her going again. That became standard practice for us, although if one of us started actually whining, the other would say "Oh, it's harrrrrd, it's so harrrrrrd". Sometimes the whiner would start the refrain. Anyone climbing nearby generally thought we were nuts.

Awesome! I need to remember this as I'm working on lead (currently in the gym only; unsure if that will change). I can also imagine this being the kind of thing that a friend could say to me to get me going, or I could say, but if DH said it to me ... oh, man, that would *not* be a good thing.

 

[litterbug]

Trust me, we were not experts, though some around us were. Unfortunately, 20 years later I found out that the shoulder pain which I thought was a rotator cuff problem was actually torn cartilage in both shoulders; rehab partially fixed one side, and the other had to be arthroscopically trimmed and buffed, so technical climbing is now out of the question.

Fortunately, there are other just as wonderful ways to have fun.

 

[gardenmary]

I, too, have fallen victim to the "come on down this run, you can do it!" I now send the boys on their way, or make it very clear that we need to ski MY level for few hours, THEN send them on their way.

Last trip, I took to whistling to relax me. I'm glad I'm not the only one who folks might think is a little nuts!

I know that people likely mean well when they say that - trying to assure us we're better than we think - but it can be awfully dangerous! Many times I'll take a different trail than DH and DS, and we'll meet further down the mountain if I'd rather scale it back a bit.

If folks think you're a little nuts for whistling, they must think I'm certifiably insane for talking to (and sometimes yelling at) myself on the way down:

"Where are your hands?"
"Why are you in the back seat?"
"PRESSURE...release...let 'em run..."

And so on. But it really helps!

Interestingly, my instructor and I were chatting on the way up the gondola last year, and we came to the conclusion that DH having cancer has exposed me to a different level of fear. Somehow, that (and a lot of ski mileage) has taken some of the edge off my fear on the hill. Not that I'd recommend it - but it was an interesting observation.

 

[litterbug]

I agree that having dealt with scary situations, whether it's getting hurt in the backcountry or facing the possibility of losing a loved one, helps to cope with new ones. I've had to handle so much with both my own situations and helping others with theirs (medicals, search and rescue) that my response to something scary is a rush of adrenaline and then an eerie calmness in which I can resume breathing, assess and respond instead of freezing up. Not that it's easy; after the scariest incidents there's a decompression afterward when the aftereffects of the adrenaline catch up with you.

 

[contesstant]

I was on something fairly steep and fairly narrow a couple of weeks ago, and I tried a mantra of "plant, turn" "plant, turn" etc. Eight plant, turns and I was into an area that was wider though still steep.

For some reason I was able to make all the turns (the penalty for not making them was potentially bad!).

I intend to try this again the next time I am on steep terrain and see if it works again for me.

And yes, I am famous (infamous?) for becoming paralyzed at the top of steep or crowded runs. Unfortunately, the longer you stare at them, the steeper they get.

I do the same thing! It's especially bad if the light is flat. I sat at the top of the Wall at Kirkwood one time for at least 10 minutes. Another gal joined me (who I didn't know.) We just sat there and dropped some four-letter words, then we both finally went and did fine.

I know that people likely mean well when they say that - trying to assure us we're better than we think - but it can be awfully dangerous! Many times I'll take a different trail than DH and DS, and we'll meet further down the mountain if I'd rather scale it back a bit.

If folks think you're a little nuts for whistling, they must think I'm certifiably insane for talking to (and sometimes yelling at) myself on the way down:

"Where are your hands?"
"Why are you in the back seat?"
"PRESSURE...release...let 'em run..."

And so on. But it really helps!

Interestingly, my instructor and I were chatting on the way up the gondola last year, and we came to the conclusion that DH having cancer has exposed me to a different level of fear. Somehow, that (and a lot of ski mileage) has taken some of the edge off my fear on the hill. Not that I'd recommend it - but it was an interesting observation.

I actually think I need to employ more talking to myself and mantras. I do it when I compete on my horse, but of course, half of that is for the benefit of the horse :D

I didn't know your DH had cancer. That for sure puts a lot of things into perspective, I suppose. So glad he must be cancer free!

Anyone ever considered an anti-anxiety drug like xanax? I don't tolerate alcohol very well and don't want my motor skills compromised, so won't go that route. A lot of gals on the horse show circuit use drugs like xanax to calm the nerves. I'm not a big proponent of mind-altering drugs but if it can help me relax on some of the more challenging terrain, I'd be open to it once in awhile! Of course, explaining to my Dr. that I need it to ski better might be a stretch...

 

[Blue Diamond]

Great ideas!

Hey Divas, you are all providing great input here!

I have been there too: standing at the top of the hill almost paralyzed and seeing the slope become steeper before my eyes (tricks of the mind?). Luckily I did recall my yoga teacher and the breathing exercises. If it hadn't been for that, I don't know if I would have ever gone down that slope (not that I had another choice at that point).

Breathing is great, and I often do it. Not signing or talking to myself yet...but I sure will practice that! I need to configure my "fear-taming" mantras, like skibum4ever and litterbug.

Gardenmary, facing situations such a cancer sure puts things in a different perspective, as contesstant said. I hope your husband is recovering.

I'm not sure I'd like to try a drug to control the fear, and certainly not alcohol. I do not want my reflexes hindered, either. I think I prefer to try more "natural" options, like the breathing, mantras, singing, etc.

Do any of you do yoga? I think that aside from helping you with balance, strength, and concentration, another benefit of yoga when it comes to skiing must be the breathing, no?

 

[gardenmary]

Hey Divas, you are all providing great input here!

I have been there too: standing at the top of the hill almost paralyzed and seeing the slope become steeper before my eyes (tricks of the mind?). Luckily I did recall my yoga teacher and the breathing exercises. If it hadn't been for that, I don't know if I would have ever gone down that slope (not that I had another choice at that point).

You know, the strangest thing happened to me on the trip we just finished: I found myself at the top of slopes I recalled as being far steeper than they actually were. Kind of the reverse of my previous experiences. Must be the mileage; I'm skiing more/tougher terrain, more frequently.

Gardenmary, facing situations such a cancer sure puts things in a different perspective, as contesstant said. I hope your husband is recovering.

I'm not sure I'd like to try a drug to control the fear, and certainly not alcohol. I do not want my reflexes hindered, either. I think I prefer to try more "natural" options, like the breathing, mantras, singing, etc.

DH has metastatic bladder cancer - it is on his liver, but nowhere else thankfully. He is in month 28 post-diagnosis - 80% of patients don't make it 14 months, let alone this far. He is responding well to chemo, so we are in a "managed disease" MO. That said - it makes you realize that you "never really know" and so your priorities get re-aligned.

He has intermittent pain, and has found that if he's had a tough night requiring more painkillers, it can wreak havoc on the slopes the next day. Needless to say his reaction is inconsistent so he's had a couple of days when he started out yukky and had an epic day, and 1-or-2-run days when he thought all would be fine - but quitting so soon is cheaper than an injury. I would have to vote against even anti-anxiety drugs, unless they were indicated for another condition/situation.

I found Mermer Blakeslee's book ("In the Yikes Zone") to be incredibly helpful, as well as some spiritual exercises that help me center in general.

Do any of you do yoga? I think that aside from helping you with balance, strength, and concentration, another benefit of yoga when it comes to skiing must be the breathing, no?

I don't, but I should. I have degenerative arthritis, and while I do flexing exercises daily I think the yoga would be beneficial on a much larger scale.

 

[B.E.G.]

Blue Diamond, I do vinyasa yoga 2-3 times a week. Love the class, love yoga but I have to admit breathing isn't my strong suit (hatha bores me to tears, love vinyasa because it's very much like power yoga and gives you a really good workout). I do agree - it really helps with the balance and strength (my quads are going to be rock solid by the end of ski season between skiing and yoga!. Maybe not the breathing part for me, but the being in the flow part - yes, yoga definitely helps and applies. I tend to be an overthinker and I have a very busy, loud mind - i.e. it's really hard for me to clear it unless I get into the flow and really concentrate.

Gardenmary, I hope your DH is doing well, and yes, that definitely puts things in perspective. I love that you talk to yourself by the way! I should start doing that (other than four letter words when I do something stupid ;) ).

ETA: Gardenmary, just read your latest post - sending you and your DH lots of positive, healing vibes. I'm glad he's doing well so far!

 

[Mary Tee]

For everyone that gets paralized at the top of the hill, that used to be me, but my SO (who was an instructor, many years ago) gave me the best tip....don't stop at the top, just ski right over and go a short way down, then if you need to stop and look at the terraine...it is always much less intimidating when you know you have already conquered part of it.

 

[sorcamc]

I LOVE the singing suggestion and I have to tell all of you divas....before you ski, listen to Katy Perry's Firework, read the lyrics, then when you get scared...sing it at the top of your lungs, and you will be able to do ANYTHING!

 

[Appennini gal]

Blue diamond,
I feel like I could write a book on this subject! I am an anxious person who experienced several panic attaks in different situations, including one at 3200 meters on the French Alps. It was so bad I almost sold my skis and quit. In order to keep skiing I had to seek the help of a doctor and, luckly, the worst is behind me. Of course, there are still days where I get scared, my hands are sweaty, my heart beats fast and the legs shake. When I get this way I stop and give myself a pep talk saying "there is no need to get nervous. Yes, it may be steep, but I have a solid technique and I can handle the situation. Then, if worse comes to worst I know how to side slip!" When there is nobody or nobody worth following, I imagine my trusty instructor in front of me while repeating his tips in my head.
My husband is also an experienced snowboarder who likes to push me for the sake of progress but there are days where I stand firm and say "no, I'll try that another day."

 

[callmijane]

Some good info in this thread.

I really struggle with fear. Last weekend, DBF took me down something that was well within my ability level, but would be challenging. I lost it. Stood at the top of it (too far down to get back out) and cried for at least 10 minutes. I just couldn't make myself do that first turn! After I finally got going, and made a few turns, had to stop again, but made it down- took almost half an hour. I just get overwhelmed sometimes and can't get going. I had some tough times this past weekend too, although nowhere as bad. DBF tries to help me by calling advice or encouragement, but I KNOW WHAT TO DO, I JUST CAN'T MAKE MYSELF START DOING IT!

 

[litterbug]

Get very, very, very good at sideslipping. Be shameless; there's no shame in it at all!

If you're sideslipping straight down you won't inconvenience faster skiers. Once you get partway down I can just about guarantee your legs won't fail you!

 

[bounceswoosh]

Some good info in this thread.

I really struggle with fear. Last weekend, DBF took me down something that was well within my ability level, but would be challenging. I lost it. Stood at the top of it (too far down to get back out) and cried for at least 10 minutes. I just couldn't make myself do that first turn! After I finally got going, and made a few turns, had to stop again, but made it down- took almost half an hour. I just get overwhelmed sometimes and can't get going. I had some tough times this past weekend too, although nowhere as bad. DBF tries to help me by calling advice or encouragement, but I KNOW WHAT TO DO, I JUST CAN'T MAKE MYSELF START DOING IT!

Hi callmijane -

One correction. Obviously you *can* make yourself start doing it, because you made it down that slope =) Maybe it wasn't as smooth or positive an experience as you'd like it to be ... but you made it! Nice job!

 

[gardenmary]

ETA: Gardenmary, just read your latest post - sending you and your DH lots of positive, healing vibes. I'm glad he's doing well so far!

Thanks very much! It means a lot that so many people are thinking of/praying for him and I really do think it's made a big difference.

As far as the fear thing goes - once I realized I possessed the skills to slow down or stop if I needed to, it helped immensely. There's no rule that says I have to ski the whole run without stopping. Maybe I can, maybe I can't, maybe I would rather pull to the side and look at the pretty tree (or at Snowbasin, the cute little ermine!). As long as I keep at it (and don't endanger others) that's the important thing.