Snowsong
Ski Diva Extraordinaire
1. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn 2 $50 bills to warm up.
2. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying a pair of skis, snoboard, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you're looking for your car.
3. To prepare your feet for ski boots, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
4. Buy a nice new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
6. Drive slowly for 5 hours..anywhere..as long as it's in a snowstorm following an 18 wheeler without chains.
7. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'll almost feel like you're skiing in front of a snow gun.
8. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $10 for a hamburger. Be sure to stand in the longest line.
9. Dress up in as many clothes as possible and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
10. Repeat all the above every Sat. & Sun.
2. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying a pair of skis, snoboard, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you're looking for your car.
3. To prepare your feet for ski boots, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
4. Buy a nice new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
6. Drive slowly for 5 hours..anywhere..as long as it's in a snowstorm following an 18 wheeler without chains.
7. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'll almost feel like you're skiing in front of a snow gun.
8. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $10 for a hamburger. Be sure to stand in the longest line.
9. Dress up in as many clothes as possible and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
10. Repeat all the above every Sat. & Sun.
