What do I do with their daughter?

[Little Lightning]

Moms, I need some advice. My partner's family is in Colorado this week. Mom skis, dad and 2 children, boy 9 and girl 11, all snow board. Dad encourages his boy to board black runs and bowls. Daughter isn't as aggressive, has problems turning and sits down when she goes too fast, can barely handle blues. Dad leaves her with mom who has never snowboarded and can't really help her. Neither kid can handle the long runouts, they can't get enough speed so they have to sit down, unbuckle a boot and push the board. This takes forever.

Yesterday mom fell and tore her ACL. Today they are at Steamboat and tomorrow they are coming to Copper. We are planning on meeting them there. I'm not sure about this but I'm thinking the guys will go off and leave me with Sammy. While I get plenty of skiing in and I don't mind I'm wondering if this is fair to her. Dad spends lots of time with his boy helping him but he pretty much ignores her. I can't give her any advice on the board since I've never boarded and I believe the situation will be frustrating for her. At least mom was trying to learn about boarding and help her.

Hopefully, they'll put her in a lesson but it's her last day so I'm not sure they'll be willing to spend the money.

Our other alternative is to see if our friends will take her, it will be their first day, they have 2 girls her age but they all ski. I also don't think it's fair to them to have to wait while Sammy has to push across the runs.

I'm hoping dad will do the right thing and keep her with him and help her but I'm not counting on it. So in the event he tries to send her off with me, what do you think I should do?

 

[geargrrl]

Moms, I need some advice. My partner's family is in Colorado this week. Mom skis, dad and 2 children, boy 9 and girl 11, all snow board. Dad encourages his boy to board black runs and bowls. Daughter isn't as aggressive, has problems turning and sits down when she goes too fast, can barely handle blues. Dad leaves her with mom who has never snowboarded and can't really help her. Neither kid can handle the long runouts, they can't get enough speed so they have to sit down, unbuckle a boot and push the board. This takes forever.

Yesterday mom fell and tore her ACL. Today they are at Steamboat and tomorrow they are coming to Copper. We are planning on meeting them there. I'm not sure about this but I'm thinking the guys will go off and leave me with Sammy. While I get plenty of skiing in and I don't mind I'm wondering if this is fair to her. Dad spends lots of time with his boy helping him but he pretty much ignores her. I can't give her any advice on the board since I've never boarded and I believe the situation will be frustrating for her. At least mom was trying to learn about boarding and help her.

Hopefully, they'll put her in a lesson but it's her last day so I'm not sure they'll be willing to spend the money.

Our other alternative is to see if our friends will take her, it will be their first day, they have 2 girls her age but they all ski. I also don't think it's fair to them to have to wait while Sammy has to push across the runs.

I'm hoping dad will do the right thing and keep her with him and help her but I'm not counting on it. So in the event he tries to send her off with me, what do you think I should do?

Be otherwise engaged? It sounds like the dad needs to deal with it, not you. He's the parent. That what mom and dads should do; help each other out with stuff. This is your sorta brother-in-law? Your first visit with them? She probably doesn't want to be with you any more than you want to take it on.

 

[Little Lightning]

Not first visit, I've known them for years. The first time they came to visit the kids were on skis. Sammy was 5 and we all enjoyed working with her. This board thing is a different story.

You're right though, it's dad's problem. I just don't want to appear an ungracious hostess.

Mom will be at our condo, maybe I should XC ski tomorrow.

 

[geargrrl]

I certainly wouldn't offer unless it's something you really want to do. Mom's injured, let dad figure out how to deal with the kids. That is what being a "family" is all about.

 

[Mom of Redheads]

How about graciously saying, "you know, I really don't know alot about beginning snowboarding technique! How about if I show *boy* around the resort and make sure he doesn't get lost?" Or something...

That way you are still offering to help, but taking on the child who just needs company, not instruction. If it forces dad to spend some much needed time with daughter, how bad can that be?


LOL I am evil...

 

[B.E.G.]

Any chance you can get the daughter back on skis? But otherwise, it's not your job to teach her or escort her around.

I say, say what Mom of Redheads suggested, "you know, I really don't know alot about beginning snowboarding technique! How about if I show *boy* around the resort and make sure he doesn't get lost?" and then add, "Or you know, we could put Sammy in a lesson if you and the boy want to spend some quality time together....?"

 

[ski now work later]

Maybe it's the New Yorker in me but I would be more direct. If I recall correctly, you're from Cinci and if you're anything like my husband's family and my stepchildren (all from Ohio and some from Cincinnati), it's all about being polite and a lot of stuff doesn't get said.

Tell Dad in a nice way that he needs to spend some time with his daughter and put her in a lesson for the rest of the day. Sometimes men need blunt direction. Been married twice, learned that lesson.

And if he won't, maybe spend the day off the hill with the girl, sounds like she could use some attention and she might be stressed with her Mom injured.

 

[marzNC]

Lots of good suggestions. Who suggested daughter switch to snowboarding? Would she . . . and you . . . enjoy skiing together? Or could she ski with the other family with girls? That's if Dad won't go for ski/board school or spending time with her.

 

[Little Lightning]

Sammy started with skiing. At 5 she was great and I enjoyed skiing with her. Her dad took up snow boarding and then the kids did too. Last year when I asked why she was boarding I was told that skiing is not "cool". Supposedly, all her friends in Pa. board so she gets a lot of pressure from them. I rarely see kids as young as her and her brother on boards here. It would be so much easier for them to ski and I've said so.

When I asked how she does on her board at their local area in Pa. Mom got defensive and said she does great but also agreed that she should go back to skiing.

I thought of taking her XC skiing but I don't think that will be exciting enough for her. If it comes to that one of my suggestions will be that she rent skis and then I'll ski with her, otherwise her dad needs to take her.

Yes, Ski Now, Work Later, I'm a typical Cincy person, I don't want to hurt feelings or rock the boat. Dad is more of the pushy type and tries hard to convince. My SO is from PA too but won't even deal with it. When I mentioned this to him his response was "we'll figure it out later. He'll play guide and when Sammy can't handle it they'll manage to go off and leave her.

I'm not sure the boy will go with us but I'll suggest it. He's more comfortable with dad.

This will be interesting for us, we don't have kids or any friends who snowboard. Not sure how it will play out but I plan to stay out of it until asked.

Thanks for all the good suggestions.

 

[bluebird]

Can't stand when little kids board (only if the parent is TOTALLY into it)....kids need to see, can't make the long flats, and most of the time boarders are on their butts! I say you should go skiing yourself and not be stuck as "mommy" unless you are delighted to help. Don't help out of guilt...her dad has to be a dad! If u don't want to ski that day....build a snowman, go sledding, hot tub, get yourself a cocktail and her a shirely temple, get a pedicure, share some french fries, ice skate....do something that is fun for u and no stress for her. children just generally thrive with attention and will enjoy being with you.

 

[whitewater girl]

silly question - if the family is from PA - is it that she's not that good at boarding, or is she fine (even great) at her home mountain, but freaked a bit at boarding someplace new with very different conditions? (why maybe she's boarding "defensively")

 

[Kim Kircher]

Sounds like this one is the father's responsibility. If he's not willing to ride/ski with her, he should put her in a lesson, where she can learn the fun of snowboarding without feeling like she's keeping others back.

This is sad, because, as a female skier, I want to promote snowsports among girls. I hope the father did the right thing, and gave her the help and support she needed.

 

[dloveski]

I thought when I taught my 3 kids to ski----that I was done with the 'never ever' stuff. But then, these 3 decided to snowboard. I spent some time in the 90's with my sons as they learned this new skill. And, when their friends took up boarding and had no adult to help them, I took pity and skied along with them to a) make sure they were safe and b) give them encouragement and c) pushed or pulled them on the flats. These kids are all expert boarders today. I think my contribution was that I just was there to pick them up and encourage them to use their edges.

If it works out that you are with this young lady, take her on the runs she is most comfortable with and have her practice heelside/toeside and traversing. Lots of words of encouragement, let her set the pace. They say that snowboarding is harder to learn than skiing---initially---but once the basics are down, snowboarders advance rapidly whereas skiers find it more difficult to refine techniques to advance.

Or, hopefully Dad will just pop for a lesson or stay with her. Good luck.

 

[Gloria]

I honestly would just take her and make the best of it. Whether I was asked or not, I don't see what the big deal is. It's only one day out of your life spent with someone whom you don't get to see very often. If it's going to be frustrating for her she will put her own feet down and not want to go with you anyways. She may think it's cool that she gets to go with you, in which case just smile and have a little patience and it will all work out. You can always give her a pull or your poles if she needs help on traverses.

 

[1Koolemom]

How did it work out? Did you volunteer to take daughter w/you & let Dad take son or did Dad keep both HIS children w/him and you all met up somewhere on the slopes & different times?

We were just @ Copper today & I saw alot of Mom/or Dad's w children/teens stopping & going some Parents ski & kids snowboard but we Parents have to keep in mind Peer Pressure is out of control from when we were our kids ages .

Unsure about some Parent Pressure if he wants kids to ski above their level & comfort zone.

Now a days (per my 14 & 16y/o) daughter & son it's not cool to ski. I ski & I'm 42y/o & my two teens just learned how last year. They are on Blues but I MAKE them ski w/me on Greens 1 -2 times per time we are @ slopes. We were @ Cooper Monday. And will go to Loveland this Saturday before Spring break is over.

I do hope it all worked out, MAYBE Mom talked w/Dad & you didn't have to stress @ whether to take your friends Daughter while at Cooper.