Shyness and social gatherings

[surfsnowgirl]

Leaving sunday morning for my company's annual meeting in Miami. This year's event is at the Loews in South Beach. I have less apprehension about this meeting because I went through last years so I know what to expect. They keep us pretty busy for the 4 days we are there but there's still lots of periods of mingling which still makes me nervous. I do so much better in smaller groups. Large, huge groups just give me heartburn and makes me feel like this grammar school kid who doesn't know who's she's going to sit with at lunch.

It is better this year because I've been with the company for going on 3 years and I know folks so lots of people to say hello to so that's sorta fun but after a day of this I'm over it.

I have my usual crew I hang with and when I say usual crew I mean my 2 friends from R & D and the one gal from Quality Assurance so its usually the 4 of us. My one friend from R & D just asked me what time I land sunday and she said she'd text me when they landed, that makes me feel better.

This will likely be my last time going to this meeting because as we get bigger and bigger its going to be harder to send the entire company to a locale for a week so they'll likely cut back on who gets to go. This I am kind of bummed about because next years meeting is in San Diego so I was going to use this as a chance for some free airfare out west to see my peeps. Hopefully they'll let me go.

I am going to enjoy this trip as much as possible, I've never been to south beach so going to try to get out and walk around a little bit and check it out. South Beach makes me think of the Bird Cage which is one of my favorite movies...

 

[VickiK]

Have some good Cuban food while you're out there, bon voyage. It's so amazing that a company can do this!

 

[bounceswoosh]

I skipped our company holiday party. We are going to a birthday party pot luck tomorrow for three of the skiers in our lesson club, and even that is freaking me out a bit. To be fair I think it's going to be a LOT of people. They invited basically everyone they know through the lesson club.

 

[Pequenita]

A former workplace had a tradition of making new employees sing a holiday song at the holiday party. I used a 2-foot snowstorm as an excuse not to go to the party, and gave notice not long after that.

 

[bounceswoosh]

A former workplace had a tradition of making new employees sing a holiday song at the holiday party. I used a 2-foot snowstorm as an excuse not to go to the party, and gave notice not long after that.

OMG.

 

[Pequenita]

The place was really messed up. I kept thinking the singing tradition was a joke.

 

[surfsnowgirl]

A former workplace had a tradition of making new employees sing a holiday song at the holiday party. I used a 2-foot snowstorm as an excuse not to go to the party, and gave notice not long after that.

My boss came from a large law firm in Manhattan and I swear she told me of a tradition like this that they had. New association initiation or something, what awful torture........................

 

[surfsnowgirl]

Have some good Cuban food while you're out there, bon voyage. It's so amazing that a company can do this!

Might be the last year as we get bigger. I had a lovely afternoon today. Took a couple hour nap, went down to the pool where a bunch of my colleagues were. Said hello to a bunch of them but basically spent the rest of the time talking to the bartender and reading my book. After I finished my food I took my drink down to the beach and watched the waves and felt the cool breeze as the sun set. Unless I am with my friends I am really an introvert and would just rather chill with my book. About time go to downstairs for the first mingle fest and our welcome reception............... sigh............. thank goodness for tasty cocktails....

 

[surfsnowgirl]

Time for another mingle fest. It's my work's end of summer gathering at our usual restaurant. We have a new member of our legal team who's shy like me so I have a buddy close by now for these things which is nice. My R & D gals are in a different part of the building so hopefully they'll be there too.
I am much more comfortable nowadays where I'm perfectly content grabbing a glass of wine and finding a piece of wall to support. Usually someone comes over to chat.

 

[DeweySki]

I am much more comfortable nowadays where I'm perfectly content grabbing a glass of wine and finding a piece of wall to support. Usually someone comes over to chat.

I was going to suggest this as a strategy too. It's hard at first, but if I am at a gathering alone, I force myself to stand alone with warm, open posture and facial expression (i.e., no crossed arms or legs, no squinting, etc.). Someone who is feeling just as awkward will come over eventually.

I'm an introvert like most people here, but I guess I'm lucky in that I think people are fascinating, so, as mentioned above, I will easily spend an entire conversation asking people about themselves and whatever their expertise are. I kind of view everything as a learning opportunity instead of some social obligation. The only thing to watch out for is when the other person wants to end the conversation.

 

[surfsnowgirl]

The newest paralegal on our team is just like me but maybe "worse" not sure if it's just cause she's not been with us a year yet and doesn't have the comfort to mingle yet but it's a double edge sword. She's super nice and I now have an instant wingman when we go to these things but at the same time I know a ton of people now so I'm much more comfortable mingling and walking around. She doesn't appear to be. At our gathering yesterday I excused myself to walk away from her and our group to get another drink, she followed me. She sticks right by my side. It's more comforting than anything and perhaps she just doesn't have that comfort yet like I do so I can't get annoyed but I didn't get a lot of chance to chat with folks yesterday because she was always there. I think my next thing will have to be just walk around a bit and say hello and talk to people, she can stay with me or not, her choice. I probably sound like an unsympathetic person but seeing her makes me realize that's I am/was and I just see an adjustment I'll need to make going forward. She's so nice and I love talking to her but....

 

[bounceswoosh]

I've found myself doing this, probably on both sides. I tend to find one person who I can talk to, and engage with them, and then at the end of the event I'm like, "Wait, I meant to talk to someone else, too!"

I guess I go deep, not wide?

 

[heather matthews]

I totally get this and over the years have developed strategies to get me through these sort of events. Mostly people like to talk about themselves so that's where I go to first. Plus as my job involves meeting and looking after strangers there are all the things that I do at work too. It has taken a long time to get to this point though and for me to be happy with it.
The other thing that I generally have to do is find a stool to sit on.I'm tall and that really seems to bother some folk so it helps being at eye level. Other tall girls will understand this.

 

[surfsnowgirl]

Just got the invite for our annual holiday party at the local restaurant down the street. This will be my 4th one. I have my party attendee buddy aka my legal comrade and teammate to keep me out of trouble. Plus as I mentioned earlier I'm much more comfortable nowadays finding a piece of wall to support and just tipping my drink and giving a nod when I see someone I know. Shouldn't hopefully be too painful.

 

[Fluffy Kitty]

I like standing by a wall. Eventually, some extrovert will come and try to draw me out, or there will be a nice sedimentation of introverts. Either way, I win.

 

[SallyCat]

@Fluffy Kitty "Sedimentation"! Love it!

I wonder if anyone else experiences this: for me the worst part of interacting socially with people I don't know well is after the event or interaction is over. I'm usually so wound up with anxiety over how I handled myself, what I said, whether I was rude, boring, self-centered, awkward/weird...etc. that it takes a good workout, some wine, and really a long time to shake off my discomfort and calm down.

I spend all day facilitating discussions with students, I'm fine giving conference workshops and chapel reflections in front of hundreds of people, and I genuinely enjoy chairlift chats with strangers. But a work-related cocktail party, parent conference, impromptu interaction with someone I know, but not well---those have me in the gym or staring down a bottle of Shiraz trying to shake off a plague of anxieties.

 

[surfsnowgirl]

@SallyCat I go through that too. I have a couple glasses of wine and try not to fret about that too much but I definitely have those thoughts.

Same for me, I'm fine at work at my day job and on the weekends at my mountain but put me in a social setting where mingling and talking is the scene and ahhhhhhhh. That's why I'm grateful me and the wall have gotten comfortable. I sip my adult beverage and nod and smile and usually someone will come talk to me.