One frustrated MOMMY!

[bluebird]

So my first born son and I ski together but it is pure torture...here is backstory...we live in Tahoe and I thought that if my husband and I took him enough he would be "naturally" a great skier..well this did not happan due to 2 more babies coming and skiing kind of got put on the back burner..meaning we hung out as a family on weekends rather than going to resort. my husband was taking him night skiing during the school year. Ok, I know this is going to sound terrible but he is almost 11 and does not ski that well. Everytime we go skiing he is bitching about something or I am yelling at him to suck up his butt (I know this does not help). I realized (MOMMY GUILT) that I should have put him a ski program when he was younger. Most of the ski programs were on Sunday, and we go to church on Sunday. Well those programs were cheaper...but now the programs his age start at 1500-3000....we can barely afford passes. I know part of this frustration is on my part...I thought my kid would love skiing as much as I do and WANT to rip at it.It is hard to find friends for him to ski with as they are at other resorts. I have thought of lessons, $120. pr day. Anybody have any suggestions or solace...I get to the point where I would rather go by myself.

 

[Blue Diamond]

I don't have kids, so I'm afraid I don't have a personal experience to give you feed back on.

But...have you checked out the Sky Tavern? (on the way to Mt. Rose).
I've heard they have kids and juniors programs at affordable prices.

https://skytavern.com/

I hope you find something that suits both your son's needs and your budget.

 

[marzNC]

Although I'm lucky that my daughter (no siblings) likes to ski, she is more likely to want to ski longer if she is with a friend than if she is skiing just with me. That started when she was about 8 (now 10). We took a local friend on weekend trips a few times so she would have a ski buddy once in a while. She would rather ski with a friend who isn't that good than ski on more challenging runs.

Umm . . . has he ever asked about snowboarding?

My hubby does not ski at all. Tried but really didn't like it. It happens.

 

[Robyn]

Okay, first things first (and this is going to be hard)... Does he want to ski?

If the answer is yes, a cursory look at the Sky Tavern program looks very good. I often find that kids are much better with me as a coach than they are with their own parents. I won't put up with their cr*p and I don't have to take them home at night so the issues don't spill over into home life. I have an athlete this year who cries at everything. Her jacket won't go on right. The lift line is too long. And so on and so forth. I am gently breaking her out of the habit of crying when it's not appropriate and her parents appreciate it very much.

So, if you can, by way of Sky Tavern or maybe a once a month lesson or something get him skiing with a different adult I think it will be a huge step for him.

More thoughts, what specifically is he "b*tching" about? Can you deal with that issue? Cold hands, uncomfortable clothing, goggles that fog etc are all barriers that he (and you) have to deal with in order for him to want to enjoy it.

I was a ski racer until about his age. I was pushed very very hard as the daughter of the head coach of the ski racing team. I didn't know it then but I was pretty darn good. Instead all the other stuff got in the way and I hated it. The second my father quit coaching I quit racing. There are still moments when I wonder what if. I raced against and held my own against Peekabo in our division. What might have happened if I'd been encouraged rather than high pressured into ski racing? I'll never know. He quit coaching and I took the easy out and quit racing (and pretty much quit skiing) at that time. I didn't return to fulling loving the sport until around 15 years later.

When I coach now I really, really, really want my athletes to love the sport. If they don't love racing, well, that's not a crime. But I want them to love skiing and I want them to enjoy skiing with their families. I have athletes who have left the program but I see on the mountain occasionally. They are happy. They are good skiers. And that tells me I did my job.

Figure out what is causing the problem, where the block is and I'm guessing you'll figure out what you need to do to change the path your son is on.

 

[bluebird]

Yes, he has asked about boarding...was thinking about that before i get him new skis..he is on some racer/skinny skis and I think a fatter ski would be better but don't want to plunk down lots of cash until summer.

 

[skihub]

My 9 year old daughter doesn't 'love' skiing at this point and her ability level has not progressed much in the past couple seasons. I am concerned about it. My 12 year old son snowboards and has huge passion for it so I feel guilty, frustrated, and irritated when my daughter doesn't get excited about it. She skis really slow when she is with me - like she doesn't care. But if she has a friend or cousin around, she skis faster and plays around with jumps and tricks, etc. I am trying to hook her up with some kids that she can consistently hang out with when we hit the slopes because it makes a huge difference in how she skis.

I don't know if this helps, but maybe your son doesn't need a lesson or program so much as a ski club with other kids. Maybe something through the school or community? We don't have anything like that because we are 2 hours from a substantial ski hill, but I think it would do wonders for him to just get out and play with the other kids. They pick up skills this way and don't even know it!

Good luck!

 

[bluebird]

Thanx Robyn...That helped put things in perspective! When I grew up my parents, they did not push me in any sports (they did take me to sports) and I later in life became an athlete going into many extreme sports...mt.biking, windsurfing, teleskiing and was self taught. I always wished I had athletes for parents. I thought my son would be a natural...but I know he needs some lessons. They have totally helped me. He needs someone other than his mom trying to teach him...that is the block I think.

 

[mtngirl]

I think getting him lessons would be key... and also finding other kids near his age for him to ski with... Kids make things fun for each other and they push each other to try harder, and new things.

Im wondering if you know other adult skiers with kids, and you could work something out where you all went out together, and a few adults stayed with the kids and the rest went off, and then trade off throughout the day.

Kids are usually better behaved for outsiders, lol.

 

[ski diva]

My daughter doesn't ski (gasp!). She tried it a few times when she was younger and didn't like it, so that was that. Skiing isn't for everyone. We just have to face it.

My advice: don't push. The more you do, the worse it'll get, and that's no fun for anyone. He might decide to come back to it when he's older. And if he gets turned off to it now, that might not happen.

Snowboarding sounds like a good option, though.

Good luck!

 

[MaineSkiLady]

Agree with those above who advise “don’t push it.”
He might show renewed interest at some future point -- at least you can hope.

Quite a few of us here raised kids who never had the option of NOT going. In our household, skiing was just something we did, period. Like making your bed or brushing your teeth. And kids will very often react to that accordingly, at specific (and almost predictable?) ages.

My son was a ho-hum skier, basically just went along for the ride, did racing team for 2-3 years, just never was wildly enthusiastic about any of it unless specifically in the company of kids his own age. And when racing, he pretty much was aware of who was truly good and who wasn’t. He wasn’t.

Then, at age 12, he cajoled us into renting him a snowboard for the day...

...And the rest, as they say, is history?

A previously mediocre, bored skier, his interest in snowboarding was OVER THE TOP.
Still is.

 

[RuthB]

Ditto to what Robyn, MSL, Ski Diva and others have said. Bluebird, I may be way off the mark here, and forgive me if this comes across as a bit blunt, but it seems that your son has high achieving parents (with respect to skiing and sport) and that can be a very hard thing to live up to.

At the end of the day, do you want your son to be a good skier or do you want him to love snow-sports and the alpine environment. If it's the latter and he has said that he wants to try snowboarding then I would go with this. BUT, get him a good lesson package (forget the money and just suck it up - keep the end goal in mind). We all learn differently and some good lessons will make a world of difference. AND don't do it with him, or send younger siblings along. Let this be something that he can be good at without the pressure of meeting his perception of your expectations. Snowboarding's good and you can still enjoy the mountain together.

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I do not understand the negative attitude to snowboarding, there are gazillions of fantastic snowboarders and a few who are not so fantastic (attitude-wise) and the same goes for skiing. I know that one day my seven year old will want to try boarding, and when he does that will be fine.

Also, I have made a conscious decision to think really carefully about when and how to talk to my son about his skiing. What is the balance between positive and negative statements? I try really hard to save the negative comments for the stuff that is truly unacceptable and give lots of positive feedback. Also we take turns deciding where we want to go.

Good luck

 

[drjoyous]

I second (third? fourth? fifth?) the "don't push" message, but that message is really complicated when the child is 11 (most kids want to play nintendo, etc, rather than do something physical...). But you're not alone, if that helps. My son learned how to ski at 16, with me (49 at the time). I took to it like a duck to water; he "enjoys" it now at 22 when he's with us. Basically, he says he loved learning skiing with me, and enjoys it as a "family" thing, but he's not into it (yet...i keep thinking!). But--he's fabulously natured, quite gutsy, and never complains about anything except ill-fitting boots (we're working on it).

I would say to not push "too hard," but see if he responds to the "it's a family outing" kinda thing. If he doesn't, well, ok. But maybe he would begin to enjoy it that way. It's kind of in the nature of an 11 year old boy to want to "strike out" on his own...

 

[bluebird]

THANKS LADIES...YOU GUYS ARE WONDERFUL! YOU are all right.....I feel so much better today (I realized I was suffering from pms and got way to irritated over things-need to get some of those natural hormones). I am going to back off and just let him ski at the level he wants to...it can get so competetive living in a ski town. Most of the parents don't even ski with their kids. I am going to get him a private for the day "and suck it up". Next year we will go where his friends will ski and there are free lessons. But the main thing I have taken away is let him be himself and encourage him towards what he enjoys (easier said than done). Guess I will have to do some work on myself. Happy skiing, luv u all!

 

[marge]

I hear ya. My son (7) has skied since he was 4 and never really had "the love" for it. He would bail at any chance to spend the day with Grammy or Tia and skip going out. He loved when he had lessons but the rest of the time was a chore. He now goes out "obediently" and sometimes likes/loves it but it's kind of ho-hum.

This year he begged me to let him try snowboarding so I put him in a lesson. He LOVED it. He told me after the first day that it was the best day or his life. He truly has a gift for it and loves it like crazy. Now, he seems much happier when he does have to ski and knows that his next time on the board is coming. Just a thought. :D

With us, there was no choice but to "push" it. The rest of the group skis and there is no one we can leave him with so it was kind of forced on him. We didn't have a lot of options. I'm glad at this point that he wants to get out there and if snowboarding is it then I'm happy.

I hope you find that hanging out with other kids and such makes the difference as I'm sure it will.

 

[Jeepmum]

I know lessons are expensive, but trust me it's almost a neccessary expense if you want your son to get into it! You don't have to join a full lesson program or anything, but 1 or 2 would give you a very good idea as to whether skiing is something your son is going to like. I really cannot afford lessons either, but I make sure I budget a few into the season for my own sanity! I tried many many times to teach my 4 year old how to snow plow and turn. After our third time out this year, I gave in and sprang for a very expensive private lesson. What transpired was a miracle, and I would have paid triple what I did if they asked me! He can ski with my daughter and I without me fearing for his, mine, and everyone else's life! He loves skiing now. Even if you can spring for one lesson, the instructor may be able to show your son how to have a good time on his skis in a may that mom can't....

 

[smartjingle]

I don't know if this helps but... reverse psychology works on kids a lot! The more you want them to do something, the less they want to do it, but the less you nag them, they would get naturally curious and want to try it out. Being patient and having his friends go along would probably help too...

 

[RuthB]

THANKS LADIES...YOU GUYS ARE WONDERFUL! YOU are all right.....I feel so much better today (I realized I was suffering from pms and got way to irritated over things-need to get some of those natural hormones). I am going to back off and just let him ski at the level he wants to...it can get so competetive living in a ski town. Most of the parents don't even ski with their kids. I am going to get him a private for the day "and suck it up". Next year we will go where his friends will ski and there are free lessons. But the main thing I have taken away is let him be himself and encourage him towards what he enjoys (easier said than done). Guess I will have to do some work on myself. Happy skiing, luv u all!

Sounds like a plan, good luck with it.

Don't forget that "becoming an expert skier" (when you start as kids in a competitive town) is like the whole parental "comparatition" (my friend and fellow mothers great invented word), crawling, walking, talking, toilet-training etc, people get fixated on it and ruthlessly compare, but once it has passed no-one remembers and it makes no difference in the long run. So don't stress about it. One of the nicest (as in effortless style) skiers I have ever known didn't start skiing until age 12 or 13 (really ancient when you are skiing at a club when most of the kids have been skiing since they can remember) and really quickly you would never know that he started later than many others.

 

[MaineSkiLady]

This year he begged me to let him try snowboarding so I put him in a lesson. He LOVED it. He told me after the first day that it was the best day or his life. He truly has a gift for it and loves it like crazy. Now, he seems much happier when he does have to ski and knows that his next time on the board is coming. Just a thought. :D

I can so totally relate to this!
Mine was 11-12 at the switchover point, though.
By that age, your son will be throwing switch 900's!
Embrace it and cheer on his progress.
Can't wait to hear how he progresses!

 

[marge]

I can so totally relate to this!
Mine was 11-12 at the switchover point, though.
By that age, your son will be throwing switch 900's!
Embrace it and cheer on his progress.
Can't wait to hear how he progresses!

This was his FIRST day.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...=a.10150129524646554.331181.685516553&theater

 

[drjoyous]

I'm no longer a mommy to a youngster (except for g'kids... and it's not the same), but I notice in this and other threads the expression that, when a parent is having the child ski (who doesn't necessarily love it at first sight), the only word we have is that we are somehow "forcing" the kiddo. This is NOT a criticism of what moms here are saying, at all! What I'm wondering is why we don't have another word for this process rather than "force" (which implies guilt on the mom...).

"Encourage" doesn't seem like the right word, "make him/her" also sounds like "force"--You moms KNOW what i'm saying: the process by which we teach children lessons about life that, given some of their own preferences, would remain unlearned if we didn't " ? " them.

Please understand--I'm standing up for you moms doing a terrific and courageous job working with your children so they become full--and emotionally mature!-- adults. I just wish we had some other word so that the word and feeling of guilt doesn't come with it...