Oh, and I feel like I should give you lovely ladies an update since I started this thread and it seems to still be going.
The K2 First Luvs that RhodySkier sold me did wonders! At first I was wondering what planks I had on my feet (since they were heavier than the Lotta Luvs). I skied my first blue run in about March of last season. I did notice I was still guarding my knees - a LOT - but was able to ski greens fairly confidently and even wrestle the occasional mild pale baby blue. I ended up injuring a nerve in my leg in a fall and had to sit out the last few weeks of skiing, but got my boots adjusted at the beginning of this season to take care of the pressure point on that nerve.
I also had Hyalgan knee injections done over the summer, and did six weeks of PT (I still have to do the exercises several times a week) to strengthen my hips and ankles. Funny how all those things are tied together... When I went to my PT, I told her it was with the intent of being able to ski better that winter, and she structured the program around that. (I'll gladly give her name to anyone who needs PT, she's in Thornton, CO.)
I started out this season still skiing those First Luvs, and then decided to demo some other skis a couple of weeks into the season. The guy at the rental shop asked me a few questions and then put me on a pair of Blizzard Vivas. I tried them and then tried putting back on my First Luvs and had this huge realization that OMG I'd actually outgrown my beginner skis! I bought a pair of the Vivas a couple of weeks later, after grilling SnowHot to death about them.
Now I'm skiing middling-steeper groomed blues, and I've skied some not-quite-moguls (not fast, not really well, but I'm not going to freak out on a baby mogul field). I took a lesson weekend before last and my instructor said that in order to make it easier to switch from the old technique of using foot pressure to make turns or going way up on my edges, to lightly edging to make turns but mostly keeping the skis flat, I should get my boots fitted to correct my pronation, and I had that done this weekend. First impressions are that it's helped enormously. I'm also not feeling the need to guard my knees the way I used to - I'm still a bit careful but I know they'll do the job, and I don't worry about if I hit some bumps that they won't shock absorb.
So I hope this helps someone who is where I was a year ago. And I hope it helps anyone whose spouse or instructor or friend is telling them the gear doesn't matter, because it does.
And I hope you ladies realize how much you have helped me over the past year. This is a wonderful, supportive, awesome community where I feel I can ask anything and not be snarked at or dismissed because it's a girl asking the question, and it's helped both from an advice standpoint and on an emotional level.