Roaming Solo as a Woman

[VickiK]

I've traveled solo around the UK & Europe. I had many great experiences along with a few iffy ones. I didn't think that it took guts at the time. But the iffy experiences were lessons learned and in looking back, I am just glad nothing truly awful happened. In younger days, I'd often rely on the kindness of strangers, and now I'd be more leery.

My last solo trip was to Ireland in 2004. I joined up with a cycling safari tour for one week, and spent another week on my own. It was wonderful.

 

[alison wong]

I travel solo for my ski trips because I have very few ski friends. My closest ski friend, Eunice, she prefers going to places that are within driving distance, that means, PA or WV. The farthest we went together by car was Mont Tremblant in Canada. For me, ski hills in east coast no longer satisfy me. I want to venture out to the west, I want to experience bigger mountains and taste the powder runs. I know I would wait for long time before I can convince Eunice to go on a west coast trip with me. Life is short, I finally gather my courage and ventured out west the 1st time 2 years ago.
Whenever I tell folks that I am on a solo ski trip, many people think I am brave… but I don’t consider myself brave... brave for what?

When I was checking out ski trips out west that time, I did look into joining a local ski club. But being an introvert, I need my “alone” time, I was not sure if I can handle interacting w/ strangers 24/7 for a wk long trip (it could be a mentally draining experience all by itself).

Being new to the sport (few years ago), I was not sure where and how to start planning for a ski trip. It was website like this (and Epic ski) that helped me to learn and gather information on ski travels; specially, destination selection, logistics such as ski shuttle, lodging location.

I am not a strong skier, intermediate at best, and I am bad with directions. One valuable tip I learn from my solo trips is, guided mountain tour is the best way to learn about the layout of a mountain, mountains hosts are locals and they usually have the 1st hand knowledge on, short cuts, trail conditions, when to avoid certain trails,….

Apart from ski trips, >90% of my trips are solo travels . Throughout the years of traveling alone, my 3 do's and don't as a solo traveler:

1. I avoid taking taxi if traveling in a foreign place, especially at night time.

My reason: In 1980’s in Hong Kong, there was this taxi drive who was mentally ill, he always targeted single women whenever he worked graveyard shift. He would drive them to the woods and then killed them. After, he would bring the bodies home, dissected them and stored the body parts in metal storage containers at his home . I think he killed a handful women. From that time onward, I always feel paranoid taking taxi when I am traveling solo, especially in a foreign land. Because I am bad with directions, who knows if the taxi driver is actually taking me to my destination? With that said, I had to do it few times. One time I was traveling alone to Zanzibar, Tanzania, my flight arrived around 11 pm at night. The airport parking lot was pitch black, there was no such thing as airport shuttle, metro rail, or hotel shuttle in Zanzibar aiport, so I had to rely on taxi to take me to a hotel in Stone Town. I did feel a bit vulnerable and during the taxi ride, I was praying: i) he was not crazy and, ii) he would take me to where I needed to go.

2. Better to be safe than to be sorry.

I stick to this principle when I travel solo on ski trips. I had to admit, there were times I held back a lot on my skiing. I’d less likely to venture onto more advanced terrains, I usually stick to trails I’ve been to.

My reason: Oct 2001, I travelled solo from the U.S. to meet up with my brother and father (they traveled from Hong Kong) for a trip in France. 2nd week into the trip, I twisted my R ankle, it got very swollen and I could not walk with my R foot at all. But I did not go to the ED because we did not speak enough French. My brother went to a local pharmacy brought a pair of crutches for me. When I travelled back to the U.S., airport security was tight (it was 1 month after 911 and U.S. just started bombing in Afghanistan a week prior). I remembered I had to put my crutches on a conveyor belt for security to scan, then I had to hop with my left foot to go through the metal detector. Went to bathroom at airport was another challenge: I hesitated to ask someone to watch my carry-on because, everyone was on edge from the 911 attack a month prior, they might think I was a terrorist (?). But then I did not want to leave my carry on unattended, airport security might think it contained dangerous object and confiscated it….. I guess after this experience, I became overly cautious when I travel alone, especially ski trips. The last thing I would want is, got injured on a trip and I need to figure out how to get home….

If traveling to a place with security issues, I make sure I return to my hotel before dark. In 2007, when I traveled to Cape Town, news at that time was Chinese tourists were kidnapping targets for ransom $$ (?), my mother was worried. During that trip, I made an effort to get back to my hotel before 7 pm. Nothing bad happened to me, I was not kidnapped and I came back in one piece.

3. Plan, plan and more plan. (point below maybe more relevant for beginner / low intermediates):

This is related to the safety topic I mentioned above. Few years ago, when I was still a beginner, I planned my first big ski trip to Killington (yes, K’ton was considered a big resort in my standard few yrs back). Before I booked the trip, I wanted to make sure I would not be overwhelmed with the green trails at K’ton. So, I tested the “water” by going to a small local resort, 7 Spring in PA first. I told myself, if I could handle greens at 7 Spring, I should then try a bigger place, Snowshoe in WV. If I could manage greens at Snowshoe, then it’d be safe to go to K’ton. I skied greens in 7 Spring and Snowshoe fine, I booked 3-day trip to K’ton. That was 2015…

All in all, I really cherish my solo trips because they gave me the fondest memories. I am always touched by strangers I meet along the way, how they go out their way to lend me a helping hand. I enjoy the freedom, I get to plan my own itineraries without making any comprises. I can decide when to go where and what to eat for the 3 meals.... So what's not to like?

 

[QCskier]

I took my first solo trip a couple of years ago to northern Spain. It turned out to be a fantastic trip that left me with many wonderful memories and it has given me the confidence to travel solo more often. I ended up meeting many locals who showed me around so I wasn't even by myself all the time. I'm hoping to plan a ski holiday this winter either to western Canada or the Alps but we shall see how things work out with time off from work and all.

 

[TeleChica]

I LOVE traveling alone. I do a lot of things alone--hike, kayak, cycle, eat out at the bar, and for the same reason many of you listed: I get to call the shots, and I find it incredibly liberating. I've also backpacked alone once and loved it, although I did head out a day early because I decided I was done.

Back in 2009 I was laid off after 15 years at the same workplace (they closed our office due to the recession) and decided to fly to the PNW, rent a car, and car camp for a month all the way down to San Fran where I met up with my beau. It was a great experience, and I absolutely loved it. I did learn a few things and had some surprises:

• Your ATM credit card is not the same thing as a regular credit card when renting a car. (You would think I would have known that at age 43.) It took a number of panicked calls to my bank to OK the rental car for a month.
• Traveling alone for a month can be daunting. I remember my first night having a mild panic attack realizing that it would be weeks before I saw a friendly familiar face.
• My limit for tenting is 2 weeks. I spent several days the last couple of weeks in hotels.
• Many campgrounds completely clear out after Labor Day, and yes, it was anxiety-provoking to be a solo woman setting up. I just paid attention to my gut and moved to a different section if something felt off. I did the same with hotels.
• I felt much more alone than I expected. Probably due in part to the personal issues I was going through. But I still had a hell of a time.
• I felt more anxious about being solo than I expected.
• Despite being at a major transition time in my life, both personally and professionally, and hoping that my solo time would result in some sort of epiphany, I was disappointed that nothing really came to me. It was just me and my tent and what I was doing and what I was eating day after day. Really fun, somewhat challenging, but I can't say I learned anything new about myself. I've probably had too much therapy!
• I met relatively few people. I am pretty good at being invisible, and since I was wary about drawing attention to myself as a solo woman, this was likely a factor.
• We live in a remarkably glorious country. I felt so lucky to such natural beauty--Rainier and Mt. St. Helen's were gobsmackingly amazing.

I actually enjoy the attention I get about doing things solo. Women decidedly face more serious potential consequences being alone than men do, so I think it's noteworthy. Plus I think it takes gumption for anyone to spend a lot of time alone.

@SallyCat, it sounds like you are having a terrific time! Enjoy.

 

[bounceswoosh]

I just realized that the reason I don't travel much solo is that I just don't like to travel. So that makes me feel a bit better. I do plenty of things solo, but it takes a lot for me to motivate to travel. I am happy to delegate logistics to my husband, who travels every few weeks for work - and gets us into the Premier line at United!

 

[CarverJill]

A lost of the things you said hot home to me @TeleChica . Either we are very similar or some of those things are more universal. Being alone makes me anxious in ways I'm not when not alone. I also have a hard time meeting people when alone. When I was single my friends told that I exude a 'leave me alone vibe' which was why I never had guys come up to me when out at bars/clubs. I could also see myself doing something like that and never having any type of epiphany either. Thanks for sharing. <3

 

[vickie]

I find that I don't travel as often, going solo. I want to change that.

Years ago, I had a travel buddy. I did all of the planning, the reservations, day's itinerary, restaurant decisions. We often shared meals, due to their size and calories. We split all costs. I enjoyed it ... all the advantages of travelling with a dog, but I didn't have to leave anyone in the car when I went into shops or buildings.

 

[Ringrat]

I've done and do a fair bit of solo travelling and activities. For me, it's a combination of enjoying the solitude (introvert over here ) and necessity. I find that I get a reaction to going alone more when I'm doing something like going backpacking (the hiking kind). I started off with some easier locations and trips and it grew from there.

I started my solo adventures when I was working in Australia. I took an 8-month job there as an engineering co-op student, and packed up my stuff and moved there. As far as places to do that go, Australia is pretty easy, as there were no cultural or language barriers. While I was there, I worked 1 week on/1 week off, so I started travelling around the country in small blocks. Australia is well set-up for backpackers, including solo ones, so that also made it easy. Australia was the first place I travelled to, and as I was there alone, I was travelling alone. There was no thought about it or decision making process, it was just the way it was. The fact that it all worked out set the basis for being comfortable to continue travelling alone, I think.

After I graduated I headed to Europe for about 4 months. I met up with a friend for the first 2 months or so, and we hiked around the alps and explored a few cities. When she went back to school, I carried on alone. Again, it was just the way it was. I'd now had a couple of months of someone showing me how things worked in Europe, so I never really had to figure out trains and things alone. I did have a couple of...er...entertaining experiences while I was alone, learned a few things about travelling, and would certainly do a few things differently if I was there again, but I figure that's the way things go. This trip also was where I started "whinging" it more when I travel. I'd usually have a hostel booked one location ahead, and was doing very rough planning in about 3 day blocks.

The more recent "big" trips that I've done to Europe have been with a friend or my SO. That's fine too, but having another person to coordinate with can be more complicated than being alone. I've been lucky to have had three friends that are easy going and happy to whing it at about the same level as me. When travelling with them I've discovered that both people have to be easy-going enough to be willing to stop and do things that the other person wants to, but also able to express what they want to do. Having similar interests and activities you want to do helps too. The hardest trip I did was actually with my SO at the time. We made it through the trip and had a good time, but he was my least compatible travel buddy by far.

The most annoying thing about travelling solo is that it can be expensive. Often things are priced assuming two people (tours, for example). The cost on fixed-cost items can't be shared. For example, renting a campervan for 3 weeks in Norway would have been ridiculously expensive if I wasn't splitting the cost with another.

Regarding other activities: most of what I do solo is relatively close to home. I've only ever done a non-local trip to ski once - to Diva West at Big Sky. I brought along my ex-SO and that was a disaster (though I think we kept most of the disaster behind closed doors that week), I'd have been much happier flying solo. I ski alone regularly on the ski hill, and no-one blinks an eye. I day-hike a lot alone, and get the odd raised eyebrow. I think it's mostly from being alone rather than being female...after all, hiking alone is hardly recommended. I backpack alone once or twice a year, maybe. I generally prefer to backpack with others, but it's nice to get out for perfect solitude in a beautiful location overnight. There's something a bit empowering about it too. I found that the barriers to backpacking alone were mostly in my head - I day-hike alone, and it's really just back-to-back day-hikes alone. I already backpacked, I already had the skills and the gear, and it was a matter of deciding that I didn't need someone else. Also, some acceptance of higher consequences for equivalent risk. If I'm day-hiking and something happens that makes me overdue, my contact will be calling for help within 12 hours of me being injured. If I'm on an overnight trip, that window increases to 36 hours - I could be injured at 10 am and not have anyone know something's wrong until my check-in time at 8 pm the next day. There are ways to reduce that risk (satellite messengers/PLBs), but they're not foolproof. For me it's risk vs. reward - is the reward for going alone (vs. not going at all, since if I'm overnighting alone it's because none of my hiking buddies could come) worth the increased personal risk? That evaluation can change - for example, when going alone I will generally stick to established trails so that if I am overdue I will be easy to find. I'm not likely to go on a multi-day bushwhacking exploration adventure alone.

Well, that turned into a novel. I guess my main "tip" for doing anything solo is to think about the risk and realize that I need to be prepared to deal with things alone, without relying on anyone to help. That applies equally to waiting for a train in a busy European station or skiing alone or hiking alone. What could happen? Am I prepared for that? What's my Plan B? Do I need to scale back my plans?

Have a great trip, @SallyCat !

 

[mustski]

I have always put out a "leave me alone" vibe. I think it comes from my anxiety about social interaction. There are times when it has served me well and times where I wished it would go away! As an introvert, I have always wished I could control it. I just can't.

 

[bounceswoosh]

I've only ever done a non-local trip to ski once - to Diva West at Big Sky. I brought along my ex-SO and that was a disaster (though I think we kept most of the disaster behind closed doors that week), I'd have been much happier flying solo.

You kept it pretty hidden. I hope you had fun, anyway! I enjoyed meeting you - and enjoyed meeting your ex, for that matter.

 

[bounceswoosh]

So, question for solo travelers, or really anyone who's ever anywhere alone -

How much attention do you pay to potential risk from attackers? How much does it worry you?

I spent most of my free time as a teenager at a martial arts school, and it was drilled into our heads to pay attention to our surroundings - where could attackers be hiding, is there something you can use nearby to defend yourself, etc. Running, too. Running was the preferred recourse if anything got scary. Hand over your stuff and run - don't risk your life to keep your jacket or wallet.

I've never had to test my self-defense prowess, and I suspect it wouldn't be all that impressive - but the way I act definitely shows that I have a subconscious assumption that 1) people aren't going to be dumb enough to attack me and 2) that I'll be able to deal with it if so. This is probably ridiculous, although I do think that attackers choose victims partly based on how they carry themselves. And honestly, having been overweight since my mid-twenties gives me an invisibility that other women aren't afforded.

Anyway, I just wonder - when you're walking alone, whether it's in an unfamiliar city or just to your car at night - how much attention do you pay to your surroundings? Do you worry about it, or is it more of a fact-based thing?

I don't even like sitting at a restaurant where I can't see the whole room. My therapist calls this hyper-vigilance. I honestly think it's a natural extension of the "always be aware of your surroundings" lessons of my teen years ...

 

[bounceswoosh]

To give some simple examples -

When I'm walking with my dogs, I know that I can throw a dog poop bag in a potential attacker's face. It will distract them so that I can run.

Similarly if I'm walking around somewhere with a hot beverage - toss in the face, run.

When I approach my car, I quickly scan below it and check the back seat before I get in.

I don't *worry* about being attacked - I just have a habit of being aware. If that makes sense. Maybe it's self-delusion to think it's not a worry ...

 

[NewEnglandSkier]

I don't spend too much time thinking about bad things happening in the sense of someone attacking on a street etc. Of course it's always great to be prepared etc and have a plan; I'm not advocating skipping merrily along never thinking anything bad can happen, but for me it's enough to know that IF someone came after me I would fight back (in a kidnapping type situation--not a burglary with a gun). End of story. I don't need a detailed plan of attack to feel comfortable. I think sometimes, there is a culture of fear that gets perpetuated and drummed into women's heads that they should always be on guard, always be afraid . . . .of so many things. It think it holds a lot of people back ultimately. For me that type of fear doesn't really resonate--I'm not going to live my life in fear of things that "could" happen. Sure people get attacked everyday, but honestly it wouldn't be on the news if it was so common in any one area (at least where I tend to frequent)--then it wouldn't be news. But I guess I also I assume that most people would at least be aware of their surroundings--it just seems like common sense for anyone, so it doesn't seem necessary to me to always dwell on it.
We are all products of our experiences and environment so people who live or travel in more dangerous places than I do may well have a different outlook. Perceived danger can also run on a sliding scale--for example I know people who consider midtown Manhattan at 10pm scary, while I do not.

 

[bounceswoosh]

I think sometimes, there is a culture of fear that gets perpetuated and drummed into women's heads that they should always be on guard, always be afraid . . . .of so many things. It think it holds a lot of people back ultimately.

Yes. It sounds weird, but I don't actually feel fear around these things. It's more situational awareness. And to me it is also different because I did not learn it as a gender-specific thing. It was part of the curriculum at my martial arts school for all students, and especially teens. Mostly boys. And yes, it does seem like common sense to me, but a lot of people clearly walk around in complete obliviousness.

My mother certainly expressed fear enough for both of us, but I think it was such an overreaction that it led me to ignore even realistic concerns.

The news definitely overstates danger - "If it bleeds, it leads!" People in the US these days generally think that their children are less safe than they used to be, for example - but the data doesn't bear this out (from what I've heard on podcasts - I haven't researched this myself). It's just that you hear about assaults and kidnappings even if they're on the other side of the country.

I also believe I would fight back, but I know how much chance plays into any fight - so I would much rather defuse the situation than attempt to engage. It's also a slippery slope, because it can tend toward "Well, *I* would have fought, so why did she let herself get raped?" - which is both unrealistic and unkind. Not that I'm saying you think this way.

 

[Rainbow Jenny]

@SallyCat, great to see your thread and hope it's empowering to all readers.

A month ago I met a friend to bc ski Onion Valley of Eastern Sierra, south of Mammoth. I had a frustrating morning of skinning steep terrain in ski crampons and post-holing up to my thighs without my skis multiple times. We later came across a group of 6 weary Pacific Crest Trail thru-hikers (the entire 2659 miles in one shot, usually takes 4-5 months); they all started in Campo (near the southern border) in March and came across snakes every day in the desert and decided to travel together through the treacherous portion of the Sierra. They were looking for rides down to Independence to replenish their provisions. We had planned to car camp in the parking lot but decided to play trail angels and give them a ride down to Independence instead. "Frosty,' the young bubbly ICU nurse and the only female in the bunch from Iowa, was hiking solo and had"adopted" many big brothers along the trail. I now think of her as my trail angel instead as she was an inspiration for me as I drove down to Independence with her.

I didn't care to travel solo in my 20's and only started in my 40's after a life changing event, I needed to re-affirm that I face anything alone. Many, many firsts in my 40's including staying in hostels, hitchhiking in Uganda, Turkey, Alaska, and recently LA! LA one isn't as scary as it sounds, carpooled with couple friends to bc ski the backside of San Gabriel Mountains but I decided to quit early. Bummed a ride with a fellow snowshoer /photographer we met on the trail down to La Canada Flintridge where my car was parked.

Life truly is an adventure and you only live once. Keep exploring, ladies!

 

[Ringrat]

I live in a very small town, so in my everyday life I pay more attention to whether I'm getting in the way of wildlife on my way to my car than anything else. When I'm travelling I keep my hands and eyes on my things, put my back to the wall in train stations, and project confidence. I know that I look like a tourist, so I try to act like I know what I'm doing. I don't stop and look at a map on the sidewalk, for example. I'll keep walking in whatever random direction until I can duck into a quiet shop or at least into a doorway. I travel with little that's valuable, and what valuables I do have are spread out so that I can lose one set and not have a problem. I do find that I'm more cautious if I'm alone than with a friend, but I should probably be being that cautious regardless.

 

[NewEnglandSkier]

I also believe I would fight back, but I know how much chance plays into any fight - so I would much rather defuse the situation than attempt to engage. It's also a slippery slope, because it can tend toward "Well, *I* would have fought, so why did she let herself get raped?" - which is both unrealistic and unkind. Not that I'm saying you think this way.

Oh yes, I agree. It's easy to say or think one would fight back but not always practical, possible etc. I just meant that if someone was trying to drag me into a car--I would think I would resist--not just go along with it, since I believe they say your chances of survival go way down once you get in the car etc.----where as with a burglary it seems like most of the time they just want to take your money etc.

 

[NewEnglandSkier]

The thought occurs to me also that because I'm 42 (and not 22) that is why some things seem like common sense or obvious to me--so I really don't think about them. I just do them automatically with no real thought. For example it would never occur to me to go for a walk in the park at 3am-alone. And like Ringrat I don't carry lots of valuables etc and keep a hand on my bag.

 

[bounceswoosh]

Oh yes, I agree. It's easy to say or think one would fight back but not always practical, possible etc. I just meant that if someone was trying to drag me into a car--I would think I would resist--not just go along with it, since I believe they say your chances of survival go way down once you get in the car etc.----where as with a burglary it seems like most of the time they just want to take your money etc.

Oh, god, yeah. I can never see a situation where I would willingly *go* anywhere - whatever my chances are on the spot, they are worse when I go to a place the attacker has chosen.

I also don't carry a weapon because I believe "If you bring a knife to a fight, there's a knife in the fight," and the same for guns. You have to be 100% sure you'd be willing to use it, and if the attacker sees it, there's the risk that they pull out a weapon as well. With a gun, most people come way too close - the whole point is the advantage of distance. Up close and with an undecided shooter, that gun can easily become the other person's gun.

Obviously I've thought about this a lot ... again partly because I was taught to think about it ... it's been interesting watching my husband grapple with the same questions as he became interested in firearms and consequently started educating himself about self-defense.

 

[Skier31]

I went to college in an urban area and have lived in urban areas since college so I have learned to be aware of surroundings. I walk fast and with a purpose most of the time. I am sure I give off the "leave me alone" vibe which I hope is helpful. Like Bounceswoosh, I do not carry a weapon, although, I have taken boxing classes and would have no problem hitting someone in the face or kneeing them in the balls if I could.

When I was in college, I was taking a shower (3 shower stalls with curtains), the door opened and I peaked out to see who was coming in. It was a guy who did not belong in the dorm. I was in a huge hurry to get somewhere and I was irritated. He walked toward me and when he got close enough, I slapped him as hard as I could in the face. He turned around and ran out. My dad was picking me up for dinner and I was in such a hurry, I forgot it even happened. It wasn't until later that evening when someone mentioned that a guy had walked in on a girl in the shower on a different floor, that I remembered it happened.

Another time, I was running in Forest Park in St. Louis and I kept noticing a car following me but staying far enough away. I had that gut feeling that something was very wrong and I ran as fast as I could through the golf course and back to my car.