Not pushing myself hard enough?

[marzNC]

I've been a long-time reader, but this is my first post! I started skiing a few years ago (early 30s). Initially I lived in the Bay Area and would go to Tahoe a couple times a year and crash down the greens/blues. Then a couple years ago we moved to Salt Lake City and my job has been kind enough to let me take PTO to do Ladies Day at Alta for a couple seasons, so I've gone from struggling on blue groomers to feeling pretty okay on easy to moderate off-trail black terrain -- think easier stuff off the High T.

While I'm happy with my progress, I feel very self-conscious about the fact that I'm not a fast skier and that I still get nervous on harder terrain. Having good form makes me feel better, and I'm still working on staying forward in certain situations, so I'll often ski areas that aren't quite at my limit so that I can focus more on technique, even though I'm pretty sure I could survival ski down more impressive runs.

Welcome! Glad you took the plunge and posted.

Alta is my favorite mountain out west, and has been for decades. Even though I didn't ski much at all until I was over 50. I didn't become a solid advanced skier until after age 60. What you are doing to avoid charging down terrain that makes you lose good form is the best approach in the long run. Not to mention more fun. Having fun is the reason to ski, whether on groomers, more mellow blacks, or with a friend who isn't ready for the most challenging terrain you enjoy.

I'm tracking snow conditions in LCC/BCC because I'll be there with a couple ski/travel buddies in late Feb and again during my usual annual stay at Alta Lodge in April with assorted friends. Perhaps there could be a Diva meetup in April. I've had a good time skiing with @Scribble the last few years. She also moved to SLC relatively recently.

Utah LCC/BCC 2022-23 conditions, parking - Alta, Snowbird, Solitude, Brighton

Just noticed that SkiUtah has Opening Dates for a few resorts. Alta and Solitude are targeting Nov. 18, 2022, about a week before Thanksgiving. That's the same date as Park City. Per usual Snowbird and Brighton haven't announced opening dates yet. For those who haven't skied in Utah, some...

www.theskidiva.com

 

[EdithP]

Hello @SummerRunner !

Welcome! I'm new here too, just came a few days ago, but have found nothing but kindness, politeness and excellent/valuable advise from all the SkiDiva ladies, so I think you'll love it here too!

About your friend, here is my honest opinion, based on my own experiences:

I grew up in the world of classical ballet, which is an extremely strict world, requires full dedication, discipline, patience and being in it since first years of life, it creates extremely ambitious, competitive individuals. I am one of them, and an angry Russian director still lives in my brain telling me to work harder, do better, and excel always. I'm thankful to this upbringing since it taught me many excellent character qualities I apply in every aspect of life and my angry Russian director was actually kind pushing me because she believed in me. Ignoring me would've meant I didn't have a chance so I'm eternally grateful.

HOWEVER


You're in a setting where you are going to ski with friends. Your high level very skilled, competitive skier friend accepted to go skiing with her peers who might not be as skilled as her or not approach the sport in such a competitive, ambitious way as she clearly does. I think her attitude and behavior is quite wrong. As the most skilled person in a group she was not forced to join, went out of free will and in which she apparently has friends in, it is my honest, rational opinion she has two options here.
FIRST (most obvious) she behaves like a FRIEND first, puts her competitive, high skilled ambitious self on hold, and does nothing but encouraging, giving wise advise, constructive critique and offering support, which is, I believe, the "job" of any person who's worthy of being called friend. She roots for you, celebrates your improvement and helps you in areas you might struggle. Yes, she's not your coach, however, nobody needs to be official paid coach, to give helpful, beneficial advise to someone who's less skilled at something you excel.

SECOND (unfortunate) she cannot deal with peers who cannot keep her same pace or not have the same advanced skillset as she does, it annoys her, she gets impatient and wants to use the time to do her own advanced/expert skiing. Good, so be honest and in a polite way, she apologizes to all parties in the group saying she will go skiing on her own and maybe later she meets the other peers for some schnapps.

NEVER, EVER does she have any right to demean, patronize, use condescending tone and humiliate her PEERS.
As a competitive, ambitious person myself (nowhere close to being expert/advanced skier, but I am one in my job/occupation), it is my responsibility to either encourage, support and lead my junior coworkers in a way they improve and excel too, and in personal life, if I accept out of free will to be part of a setting that not everyone will be like me, I'm also accepting a responsibility to behave well, get along and never humiliate anyone.

Proposed solution: If you believe this lady is worthy of keeping as a friend for whatever reason, I suggest an open, blatantly honest conversation is a very calm, polite tone, but explaining in detailed manner how this behaviour is unacceptable. If the lady appreciates your friendship as you appreciate hers, she will think hard, analyze and behave appropriately next time.
If not, it's best to keep in mind this unfortunate events with this person, stick with peers who would never treat you or anyone else this way.

I'm very sorry for the lenghty reply!

Yes and yes and yes. I read what you wrote in another thread, that of only comparing yourself to yourself two days/weeks/months ago and against what you will become tomorrow. I am trying hard to internalise this - this is the way to go. And we mustn't let anybody force us into other style of comparing. Thank you for making such a clear message about it.

 

[EdithP]

Pros? I'm in constant competition with myself, do not give up, spend time getting educated in all areas of an specific skill, love researching several ways I can optimize skills and keep improving/evolving, while also conscious that the more I know, the more I realize there's a world of things that I still don't know and I'm eternal learner, which I find fascinating and exciting.
Cons? Stress, 24 hour/365 days of impostor syndrome, maximum self criticism, time spent celebrating achievement much less than time already thinking next improvement.

Seems to me that a background in classic ballet is not mandatory. Your description sounds awfully familiar and hits home big way. Thanks again for such honest sharing; it is going to help a lot.

 

[Wasatch Girl]

@SummerRunner, I feel you. I've skied at Alta my whole life and in my 20's and 30's loved skiing all the terrain off the High T and elsewhere at Alta. Now in my 40's (and after a traumatic spiral fracture of my leg on Corkscrew of all stupid runs back in my 30's), I've become very cautious-to my detriment. I'm a very technical skier, having grown up with parents who were ski instructors and grandparents who were ski patrol. However, each passing year I feel myself groan inside when our ski buddies suggest we go lap High Boy or Thirds or Eagles Nest. I enrolled in the Ladies' Day clinics the past two seasons thinking it would help, which it did and they were fantastic, but I started a new job this year and couldn't do it. What I've found this year is that from day 1 of skiing I've been trying to keep up with my bomber friends who don't believe in turning. Fortunately, they are kind and patient and encouraging, but I often peel away and do my own thing because I get tired of them waiting for me. I usually have a few early season days where my hubby and I go do our ski drills from when we ski instructed, but with all the snow it's been "GO GO GO" all season. All I can say for you is, stick to your happy places, work on your technique, and when you feel it, do the challenging run. And if you ever want to ski with me, I'm there every Sunday!