Kids and obsession with school sports

[vanhoskier]

I love skiing (duh). But I love being active in many ways besides skiing. I have noticed in the past few years that many kids (and some parents) are OBSESSED with school sports, and kids nowadays put all their time and effort into ONE sport, ALL YEAR ROUND. They are discouraged from playing multiple school sports, or (Yikes!) from being involved in other activities like skiing, cycling, etc. because of fear of injury that would sideline them from their team sport. It's crazy....it's like these kids are being treated like their sport is their whole life...at a very young age when they are not yet fully developed.

Soccer is no longer a fall sport...there's indoor winter soccer and spring and summer leagues....basketball is no longer winter only: spring and summer leagues are mandatory for many kids. And football? After the season is over, you lift weights 6 days a week until summer football camp rolls around.

Case in point: my sister, who is recently separated and hasn't skied for years, has been wanting to get out of the house. I suggested coming up to my local hill, and bringing my 14-year-old nephew if he wants, for a night of lessons and fun. She thought it was a great idea. I was thrilled to be planning to spend some fun time with her. The day we were to go, she called and said that she'd changed her mind, she was afraid my nephew would get hurt and then not be able to play soccer! She was afraid of getting hurt, too. (She's athletic and works out).

I have kids at school, on the football team, who are "not allowed" to play another team sport, or horror of horrors, ski or snowboard! This is crazy! These kids are being deprived of just being kids, and being able to explore new things, develop a more well-rounded fitness and body awareness.

Do you guys see the same thing? Maybe in more ski-enthusiastic areas it's not so prevalent.

The kids NOT involved in team sports at my school are the ones that ski and snowboard.

I also have people telling me I'm too old to do the skiing I do (I like to do jumps in the terrain park at my hill). I have had injuries from bicycle crashes and a stress fracture from weight lifting, but I don't let that stuff stop me. I just use my best judgment and make sure I have the go-ahead from my doctor after an injury. But I can't take this school sports obsession!

 

[MaineSkiLady]

should we move this thread?

Agree, van - totally. I'm asking mods for input as to best placement for this discussion. ??

I read an article about this not too long ago. It's a definite trend, and probably not an ultimately good one, as it's non-family time. Being a parent/spectator is not my idea of family time. Period. The article agreed.

However, serious ski racing is the same - you're just not living in a region where this is as big as soccer or other sports. It is here. If we'd lived here when my son was growing up, I'm sure my life would have been different. He'd have been a serious racer or snowboard freestyler at a far earlier age, probably competing before age 18.

It's not just school sports: it's LEAGUE sports distinctly apart from school. Private leagues, private coaching, etc. Esp soccer. Esp in the south. One of my oldest friends was a Major Soccer Mom to 2 kids. Years. She did nothing but coordinate travel, drive, spectate. She gained 40#, did nothing for herself (sports-wise). It was good for her kids and way bad for her.

Has to be a happy medium somewhere.
Mods, where should this go? Help. Misc discussions?

 

[vanhoskier]

Yeah, I don't know where this thread should go. If it's really a thread.

You're right about ski teams being gung-ho up north - I've spent a lot of time in Lake Placid and there's a lot of coverage on the school ski teams. For me, it's a nice breath of fresh air after all the football and soccer nonstop here. I think some of the parents are living vicariously through their kids.

What bothers me is the lack of variety of athletic experiences now....it's kids participating in school or other league competition nearly year-round in the same sport.

 

[Solincia]

What bothers me is the lack of variety of athletic experiences now....it's kids participating in school or other league competition nearly year-round in the same sport.

I agree completely. It's weird to me actually. My niece is 9, and I'm quite involved in her life. She is involved in softball, indoor soccer, basketball, skiing, her "indian maidens" group <kinda like girl scouts but better..horse back riding, outdoor trips, science stuff>, piano lessons, and horseback riding lessons... Sheesh, and she's an A student. What is eerie is some of her friends only play ONE sport.. that's it.

What troubles me about this is that how do they--kids and parents--know that the particular sport you start your child in at such an early age is right for them for their entire adolescent/teen years?
I played soccer, softball 9 years, volleyball 7 years, track & field 5 years... I was in various organizations and lifted weights for 5 years straight. I didn't even realize that I loved shot & discus until the 8th grade... and I placed in state my senior year for the discus. I was recruited by a university during regionals that year. Now what would have happened if my parents had only let me play softball, because that's what I started playing in third grade?

I find it very troubling... very. I think it comes from the mentality of being "the best"... "the brightest"... at one thing. Parents want their kids to be a "star" instead of just letting them HAVE FUN! That's what it's all about, and if they become really good at it, so be it... but just let the kids have fun!

 

[vanhoskier]

Amen! There's too much pressure to be "the best", or perhaps, earn an athletic scholarship. I didn't really enjoy high school sports (I played softball and basketball) because my coach was too gung-ho.....it stopped being fun.

I didn't discover tennis until my junior year....and I was pretty good at it and got invited onto the high school team. It was too late to be really successful but it was FUN!

And then, I didn't discover competitive cycling until I was 24.......and at 36 I won 2 bronze medals at Masters' Worlds.

Now I rock climb, ski, bike, run, play tennis, and kayak. It's all fun, and I've learned so much from doing different things. I really hope there are more kids out there just given a chance to experience new things and have fun as a kid.

 

[pinto]

Yeah, my kids are 10 and 13 and into soccer, so we're smack into this situation. Past the age of about 12, you have to be either an uberathlete or content with the B team if you're going to play multiple sports. In most cases.

We try to manage it as best we can (ie, not overdo it), but it's tough. Luckily, I guess, my son is a good all-around athlete, but not a great one, so he's happy on the B team at the club, where the pressure is much less intense than the A team. It's still competitive, and he plays year-round, three practices a week and games during the season, once or twice a week (but optional) in off-season.

What happens is that many of the A teamers end up being burned out by the time they hit 14 or so and quit. It's really too bad.

Son's team played a tournament two years ago against this team from Salt Lake. The SLC team was way too good for the level of the field in Grand Junction, but they played because there just aren't many tournaments "near" SLC for them. Anyway, they were just amazing. Very well coached, very fit, very everything. Beat son's team 9-0 or something brutal.

I was talking to one of the parents of the other team after the game, and he was detailing these boys' training regimen, which started with them running the stadium steps at U of Utah four days a week (during summer) starting at 6 am. These boys were 10 years old! I hope they are still playing ....

 

[pinto]

I posted too soon ... I meant to add that there is a bit of a backlash in places, or at least the realization that kids really do need to play multiple sports at least until they are 12 or 13 just to get a good base of athleticism that will help even when they begin to specialize.

For instance, a lot of junior tennis players focus on tennis EARLY, playing 3 or 4 hr a day from the age of 7 or 8. Well, it turns out that while those players are very successful early on, they have restricted their potential to, well, being a very good junior player, up through 12s and maybe into 14s.

Meanwhile, the ones who keep in different sports and end up as better all-around athletes will generally surpass the others by the time 14s and 16s roll around. Smart coaches and parents will realize this.

 

[climber.girl1]

I just wanted to throw in here, being the mother of a nine (almost ten) year old...

I HATED team sports when I was young. I was not good at them, although I realize now that being in track at an early age with a bum knee probably tainted everything from there on out. Anyway, I did a little of this, a little of that, but really didn't become athletic until I was well into adulthood. I'm still not the strongest or the fastest, and never will be. I do a lot of individual "technique" sports, like skiing and rock climbing...

Anyway, my daughter has never expressed an interest in team sports like soccer, and I certainly haven't encouraged her. Instead, she has done three years of karate (then dropped it for theater in the same time slot), ski school every winter, snow shoeing or skiing weekends with mom, climbs with us in the summer, and is now learning to fly fish. So.... am I doing her some sort of a disservice by not letting her "experience" team sports, with the "competition" and the training and the regimen and what not?

Just random thoughts...

 

[pinto]

I just wanted to throw in here, being the mother of a nine (almost ten) year old...

I HATED team sports when I was young. I was not good at them, although I realize now that being in track at an early age with a bum knee probably tainted everything from there on out. Anyway, I did a little of this, a little of that, but really didn't become athletic until I was well into adulthood. I'm still not the strongest or the fastest, and never will be. I do a lot of individual "technique" sports, like skiing and rock climbing...

Anyway, my daughter has never expressed an interest in team sports like soccer, and I certainly haven't encouraged her. Instead, she has done three years of karate (then dropped it for theater in the same time slot), ski school every winter, snow shoeing or skiing weekends with mom, climbs with us in the summer, and is now learning to fly fish. So.... am I doing her some sort of a disservice by not letting her "experience" team sports, with the "competition" and the training and the regimen and what not?

Just random thoughts...

Well, I am a believer in doing both. Team sports can be a real downer, it's true. But I think they teach some great life lessons: working with others, learning that's it isn't all about YOU, being part of something where the sum is greater than the parts, sacrificing and working hard for others ...

And also the downer side: sometimes coaches are unfair, kids are mean, referees suck, parents freak out.

But that's life, you know. Maybe it helps to experience those things in an ultimately unthreatening and somewhat meaningless environment.

It's also good to learn to rely on just yourself (ie, individual sports), for basically equal reasons.

I've noticed a difference as an adult when playing competitive team tennis. Many players played only tennis (maybe golf, too) when growing up, and are frankly pretty self-centered when it comes to the team aspects of the sport. It's a generalization, of course, but the ladies who also did softball or soccer or something else tend to roll with things a little easier when decisions must be made for the good of the team.

It's possible that women in general could benefit from more team play -- we have the reputation of taking things more personally (I'm reminded of the 1943 hiring guide, ha ha ha), whereas guys more easily kick each other's butt up and down the field, trash talk, etc, but then put it behind them and have a beer when they are done.

Again, generalizations, but I've found them to be somewhat accurate in many instances. I myself have been guilty in the past, and I've tried hard to overcome that circle-the-wagons instinct.

Anyway, just an opinion from someone who has been competing pretty much nonstop in both team and individual sports for 35 years. (Ack. That sounds like forever.)

 

[Solincia]

So.... am I doing her some sort of a disservice by not letting her "experience" team sports, with the "competition" and the training and the regimen and what not?

Just random thoughts...

I don't think so. From what Van originally said, it's more about NOT allowing kids to try something new, and not being involved in MULTIPLE things.. which your child already is--and that has to do with your lifestyle as well.

You allow your child to have fun and do multiple activities/sports... individual or team doesn't really matter, IMHO.

It's when we try to mold children into what WE think they should be/do and restrict them to that one particular sport is where I think the problem lies. I've seen many parents do that. Even growing up, I knew of parents who would belittle their kids for not playing well at football, because the father wanted him to be "like him"... the "great football star"... "the great athlete like dad". It just makes a kid quit and hate it. Or the parents who would never show up to watch their kids because they didn't like that sport, or didn't like sports at all... so they never encouraged their children.

 

[climber.girl1]

Thanks for the feedback, Pinto, Solincia. I tend to agree about team sports being good for learning team work, sacrifice, etc. But I think that maybe that can wait till jr. high instead of elementary school. I kind of think that if she can learn self-confidence BEFORE she starts team sports, she won't be "crushed", like I was...

Anyway, the lifestyle also has a lot to do with it. She sees her dad almost every weekend, so I would either have to cut her time with him to go to Saturday games and practices, or rely on him to take her, which he wouldn't, because he's inherently unreliable!

I couldn't even put her in swim classes on weekends because he couldn't commit to taking her!

So.... I'll keep letting her "lead" the way. When a sport becomes important enough to her to make her dad take her on the weekend, maybe then we'll do it! In the meantime, I want her to love being in the outdoors and pushing her body, not miserable and grumpy because mom's making her do something she doesn't want to do.

Thank goodness she likes to ski!

 

[pinto]

Thanks for the feedback, Pinto, Solincia. I tend to agree about team sports being good for learning team work, sacrifice, etc. But I think that maybe that can wait till jr. high instead of elementary school. I kind of think that if she can learn self-confidence BEFORE she starts team sports, she won't be "crushed", like I was... ....

I totally see that. In fact, if one is going to pick one over the other, I would pick individual sports. I mean, you're always with yourself, no matter what. I think.

Something to consider, though ... waiting until jr high to start team sports will put a kid at a distinct disadvantage in most instances, because most kids will have been playing since they were 6 or 7. That's back to the rat race aspect brought up by the OP.

We did that with my son and basketball ... you can't play basketball AND ski, really. Winter weekends are one or the other. We figured, oh, he can play in middle school. Now he doesn't want to -- which is fine, but sometimes I wonder if he really doesn't want to, or if he is just embarrassed because he is behind the other players.

... as you say, it's a luxury to be able to do everything, or even a few things! And there is always a disadvantage to having to choose. The kids' sports rat race SUCKS, because the thing that makes the most sense ends up being extremely difficult these days. If you don't specialize, you might not be good enough to keep up, and thus you're shut out in the end.

 

[climber.girl1]

Something to consider, though ... waiting until jr high to start team sports will put a kid at a distinct disadvantage in most instances, because most kids will have been playing since they were 6 or 7. That's back to the rat race aspect brought up by the OP.

....[snip]...

The kids' sports rat race SUCKS, because the thing that makes the most sense ends up being extremely difficult these days. If you don't specialize, you might not be good enough to keep up, and thus you're shut out in the end.

Gack. I'm remembering why I hated jr and sr. high school sports SO MUCH! :mad: I think doing intramural leagues and enjoying your self is more important that being the star of the varsity team. Then again, me and mine got to school on brain scholarships, not sports scholarships...

Why is this icon called "becky"? Seriously.... can someone tell me?

Anyway... if my daughter never kicks a soccer ball or throws a basketball in a competitive game, I'm not going to be overly upset. As long as she keeps loving some sort of physical activity and always trying her best!

 

[Gloria]

Anyway... if my daughter never kicks a soccer ball or throws a basketball in a competitive game, I'm not going to be overly upset. As long as she keeps loving some sort of physical activity and always trying her best!

This is such a great attitude. We tried soccer for two seasons, my daughter decided that it was just a bunch of people chasing the same ball around and was eager to go climbing instead. Some kids thrive in a competitive team atmosphere, others excel at setting their own goals and doing activities that they measure their own progress on. As parents, you just need to be supportive and ready to go in either direction. Your daughter has alot ot gain from your attitude towards sports in and of itself, the true successes will surely follow.

 

[pinto]

Anyway... if my daughter never kicks a soccer ball or throws a basketball in a competitive game, I'm not going to be overly upset. As long as she keeps loving some sort of physical activity and always trying her best!

There are plenty of ways to learn teamwork, anyway. Most schools incorporate team projects now, and there are always academic competitions like DI and the like.

I myself prefer the athletic kind of teamwork, but I am not trying to say that everyone should do the same thing. I do think it's good to try things once, but it doesn't mean you have to like it or continue it!

Even though I have my criticisms of youth sports, I think there are plenty of positives to be found ... that's all I was saying. When it is negative, you either do something else, or -- if it is something you really want to do anyway -- you soldier through it and hope it improves, or figure out a way around it.

One of the greatest times in my life was competing for my high school in team sports, though, and I do hope my kids are able to do it IF THEY WANT TO. So far, they are leaning that way, so I'll help them along -- without pressuring them -- because I thought it was useful in a million ways. That's just us, though.

 

[climber.girl1]

Hey, at least we live in a country where our kids, and particularly our daughters, have the opportunity to do anything they set their hearts on! Having too many opportunities to choose between is a GOOD problem!

 

[SuperMoe]

Just happened to be aimlessly wandering and ran into this thread...thought i would add a little more. As someone who has coached hs sports and played 3 sports in hs, I am very disturbed by this trend. I just got off the phone with a fellow coach in another school, and they had to have a big meeting because they have a big problem with one coach in the school trying to make his program into the big league superstar. He wants the kids to come to all his open gyms (even though they can't be mandatory...but ultimately, the pressure is there, even if it isn't direct) He had 4 hour practices at the beginning of the season (during the school evening...when they had homework, etc). BLEH!

I agree, this has really gone to far, but I place alot of it on the parents. How come the parents in this school haven't called and complained? Why wouldn't they say anything? I have all sorts of parents complain to me (we live in another district) about things like this...why are they telling me, call your school.

My philosophy was this...I would tell my players that when you are in my practice, I expect all of you and your effort. If you want to get better, we will provide opportunities (like open gyms) but we will not force you. Kids have families and lives, I'm not going to expect them to devote everything to me. I believe in the law of diminishing returns and after a certain point, you'll get nothing anyway. But, hey...8 out of 11 conference championships, 6 straight district championships, some regional and quarterfinals results kind of speak for themselves.

My setter for the last 3 years (she was great) is a big boarder. There's like 10 kids in the family, so they get one of those family passes and use it to death. LOL The only thing I told her was that I wasn't going to ban her, but she had to use common sense and if she really hurt herself, what a letdown to the team it would be. That her position dictated playing all the time and in return for playing all the time, she had to realize what a huge role she had on the team and act accordingly. I know that she boarded, but stayed away from big jumps, etc.

It's just so disappointing about organized sports now. As someone who had the chance to play, loved the chance to play competitively, I often wonder how I would have fared growing up now.

 

[Solincia]

I think the most important thing is to not let your children BE stereotyped, and don't let them stereotype themselves. Just let them be themselves... 100% of the time.

I was a shining example of that. Not only did I play sports as I listed, but I was the captain of my JV squad volleyball, hs varsity letterman 3 years and captain my senior year, hold--not held--the hs records for shot and discus and I graduated 12 years ago, AND went to state and placed... And I skied for 5 years in jr high/hs.... ALL this, AND....I was an honor student, president of Nature Club, competed in math competitions outside of school, and used to like to test the rivers near my home for benthic macro-invertibrates <okay, so I was a science geek too!> and I'm a book worm... love to read.
AND.... I am an artist... always have been, I competed in competitions and spent more than half my day on art projects, AND on top of all this, I found the time for piano lessons...<btw, yes, my parents still have their hair!>

I'm not patting myself on the back here, I'm just trying to point out that "it's okay" to like certain things, and not like others, or to do more than one thing at a time. Let kids be kids... or teens, or at whatever age they are... Its still okay to try something new. Don't restrict them to one thing, and one thing alone.


Don't ever discourage kids from doing something positive, just because they are already doing something else

 

[Solincia]

Hey, at least we live in a country where our kids, and particularly our daughters, have the opportunity to do anything they set their hearts on! Having too many opportunities to choose between is a GOOD problem!

Darn straight!

 

[tradygirl]

I have to put in my $0.02.

I'm torn on this issue, because I definitely grew up as a team sports kid. I loved the friends I made, and I just loved to play, period. I was skiing all four years (a lot) and never thought twice about it, because I didn't have aspirations to play Division 1 sports in college. I missed it terribly once I graduated from high school - the friends and the hard work. I never thought I'd experience anything as fun as that again. But I was wrong, and I'm so so so glad that I didn't commit myself to it and miss out on so many things that I love so dearly now.

I think the problem is that the kids that take it way too seriously when they are young aren't seeing the big picture (and either are their parents, obviously). How many of them will be able to play seriously in college (Div 1 with a scholarship)? How many of them will play professionally? A miniscule slice of a percent. All that time, stress, money, pain, and sacrifice ends up being for what? Nada. The "B" team kids end up having just as much fun, and have a life on the side as a bonus!

Once I started getting more into non-competitive recreational sports like biking, skiing, and climbing, I realized that I was getting so much more out of those experiences than I ever got out of team sports. Taking the competition aspect out of the equation changed everything. I'm more confident, I have more fun, and it's just as easy kick my own ass. These sports have given me reasons to go to new places, travel with my friends, and train harder than ever before. I've made the best friends of my life on my bike, on the rock, and on my skis, and I wish I would have realized all of this when I was much younger.

I believe it's very important for kids to have a place to belong, and I think sports filled that need for me when I was young. When I have kids, I'll let them play sports if they want, but I hope and pray that they don't want to be on the "A" team. I hope instead that they'll want to ski, bike, hike, and climb with mom and dad, make some friends, and maybe play soccer or try knitting on the side. :D