How did you survive potty training?

[Severine]

OMG, it's bad enough cleaning up pee accidents from our cocker spaniel. DD will be 3 years old in June and we've been trying to expose her to using the potty since she was 18 months old. Today she said she wanted to wear her undies, so I rolled up the only rug we have in the house and put it behind the arm chair. What does she do? Goes behind the arm chair and pees on the rug and floor. Even though her potty chair was right there in the living room to make it easy for her. And even though all she was wearing was underwear. And even though I asked her only minutes before if she needed to use the potty.

She's had sporadic successes in using the potty, but nothing motivates her for long. We tried stickers as rewards. A reward chart. Jelly beans. Chocolate chips. Praise, praise, praise. But 99% of the time, I can't even get her to try. Or she tries and then pees afterwards, even if she had been sitting on the pot for 15 minutes. It's all very frustrating.

Any advice? I know it will happen when she's ready. But I don't think I can survive the mess! Ack!!!

 

[Gloria]

Kids are so funny, my niece when she was potty training snuck into another room with one of her toy pans for her little stove and returned with it full of PP for me. Her Mom told her that it was nice of her to show me that she didn't go in her pants anymore, but the pan was one time only, and next time to show me how she went in the real potty. She was real calm yet firm about it and I think it worked. At least she never adorned me with any gifts of such since then. Potty training can be a real trick though, each child seems to respond to it differently. Good Luck!

 

[SuperMoe]

I just put them on the potty every hour, told them they were not allowed to pee on the floor. I never asked them, just set them on and waited for a few minutes. Luckily, it was pretty easy for me, within a week, they were both trained.

 

[Kiragirl]

I survived it ok, haven't wet myself in ages! :ROTF:

 

[Severine]

I survived it ok, haven't wet myself in ages! :ROTF:

(Just wait til you get older and the roles reverse, eh? )

I feel like such a whiny baby about this. And maybe I shouldn't be as concerned at the moment since we are moving in the next 6 weeks. I'm sure that will cause setbacks anyway as this is the only home she's known. But geesh... she always finds the *perfect* spot to go if she's going to go on the floor...and it's always when I'm busy nursing her brother so I don't have a hand to spare to prevent it.

I think maybe I do need to take a more aggressive approach and stop asking. She always finds a reason why to say no so that's clearly not working.

 

[Kiragirl]

right! then I'll be bitchin' that my ski pants don't have enough room for "secure" underwear. That's after I lug my gear up to the lodge with my walker.

 

[ski chick]

Oh my dear, dear, diva.

This is one topic on which I have LOTS to say. Let me give you the background. I have three children. My oldest (son) has Downs syndrome and my next child (daughter) is 20 months younger than her brother. I picked them up at day care one day and my daughter said she no longer wanted to wear diapers. A few older girls in her class were training and she wanted to try it. She was just over 2 at the time, that meant that oldest son was nearing 4 (and not yet trained- not even begun!) So we tried it. Things were going pretty well for both of them. My daughters reward was a handful of M&M's (sitting in a big see-through jar on the bathroom counter). My sons reward was McDonald's french fries. Not easy to put in a see-through jar. So I went to Micky Dee's, explained the situation and they gave me some empty ff containers. I made a huge poster with these containers stuck to it (think 3-d) and then stuck the poster to the wall in the bathroom. Each time they "went" or sat on the toilet I had to sing "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" for son and "The Barney Theme Song" for daughter. And I forgot to mention one thing. We were building our own house at the time, 2 miles down the road. I mean... we were building it ourselves as in the creating the drawings, clearing the lot, using a backhoe, laying the foundation brick by massive brick, framing, the whole shebang. I was a crazy woman. My life consisted of going to work, coming home to sing Barney in the bathroom, and then going to the site to do cleanup after hubby had been there every evening working. I finally relented to driving our minivan because I realized that I could fit a potty (with the cup lined with a trash bag) in the back and it could be a make-shift bathroom. It was all very sanitary. Lots of wipes on hand, more trash bags, we never ever made a mess or had an accident.

About 4 months later, they were both trained. 5 months after that we moved in. 12 months after that son #3 came along. 2 1/2 years later I decided I've had enough of diapers and start to train son #3. I read him his favorite book each time he went in the bathroom (Are You My Mother by Dr. Seuss, I know it by heart now). He was passive agressive, and absolutely would not use the potty. No amount of bribes would work, and let me tell you we eventually bribed him with everything. The ultimate bribe? A trip to Disneyworld. No kidding. Still wouldn't use the potty. He would have an accident and not even acknowledge it happened. I knew he understood the entire process, and he knew I was frustrated. Finally, one day, a year later, yes that's a year of this, he tells me he has to poop. I take him to the potty, HE POOPS. I'm screaming out the bathroom window to the entire neighborhood. He hops off and says "Can we go to Disneyworld now?"

Never an accident or refusal from that day forward. And of course, we went to Disneyworld almost immediately.

The moral of the story, my dear, dear Diva Severine: you need to let her be in control. Your daughter will do it when she's ready. Forcing her or being firmer will not help the situation, and will only prolong the agony for you. I know, I know, it's very frustrating for you. But if you let her be in control she will do it when she's ready and it will be sooner rather than later. Have no reaction at all when she has an accident, and praise her when she uses the toilet properly. She sounds very smart! If I had to do it all over again with #3, I would have sent the white flag up and just surrendered to him. I hope you will do the same. Try it. I know you'll get results. I have many, many friends that were in the same boat I was in at the time. The kids were all the same- refusal, wanted to be in control. I speak from experience.

Good luck, and PM me any time you need to vent or share. I am here for you!! I've been there!! Hang in there! I'll be thinking of you.

 

[ski chick]

I am speaking of the same child here. He's growing into a wonderful, smart boy. But I always say that experience was the worst time I've had being a parent.

 

[MaryLou]

The moral of the story, my dear, dear Diva Severine: you need to let her be in control. Your daughter will do it when she's ready. Forcing her or being firmer will not help the situation, and will only prolong the agony for you. I

My advice, 100%. I have potty trained 2 girls, my boy is 2.5yo, so I don't have much experience with that gender yet (if it makes a difference).

Kids are smart cookies. You think the little angel that can sweet talk anyone out of anything (sorry if I'm projecting my own angels lol) doesn't understand the poop/pee/potty thing?! They get it. They just may not be ready, or want the control of it all...or something. And I found pushing or prodding does not work. Make things/opportunites available for them, and let them know what the reward/bribe/goal is...but that's it.

I work FT, and have no mind or patience for sticker charts. My kids reward for success? The potty dance. If they had any activity on it, we'd made a huge whooping deal about it, spin in circles and dance and sing "wahoo...potty dance..." for an entire minute we would be complete poopy/peepee/potty fools. Our little guy has had a poop on a potty, and boy was it fun. But absolutely no interest or anything since.

Peer pressure - that's what ultimately worked. Since they'd be in preschool, they'd see their best buddies showing up in barbie/princess underwear.

Also..my girls woke up totally dry in the AM from about 18mos on which makes it easier - they could obviously hold/control it well. My DS...still soaking wet...hopefully it won't affect night training, my girls rarely had an accident.

Don't rush it...once they are trained you'll find it's sometimes easier with diapers lol...like when you're in the middle of grocery shopping, or on the highway, or where there's only a porta potty...

Wishing you luck...try to forget about it and then she'll surprise you.

 

[ski chick]

I feel like such a whiny baby about this.

You are not being a whiny baby about it.

And... it makes perfect sense that she is doing it when you are nursing. She definitely wants your attention since yours is on the baby. And boy is she getting it! Negative attention is better than no attention for kids.
Can you read her a book while your nursing? I know- hard! But it might help.

And yes- we did the potty dance too. Actually... we sang "Super Duper Pooper" and marched around the house. Please don't ask me for the words.

 

[Severine]

Got it. :D She is an incredibly smart little girl and she definitely likes to be in control (as well as the center of attention). I will back off. She'll learn eventually.

Thanks, ladies! Sometimes it just helps to commiserate. :D

 

[SouthernSkier]

I just finished going through this with my (now) 3 year old son. Every child is different, so take this with a grain (make that a block!) of salt.

I didn't really start trying to potty train him until he would nap without peeing, and was making it through the night with a dry diaper. He was over 2 1/2 before that happened. We then just went all-in on the potty training. We bought a bunch of "big boy" underwear, put those on him, and told him he needed to go on the potty. We had let him watch me and DH go so he would have an idea of what was going on. We had a few failures early on, cleaned him up, and put on a new pair of underwear and pants (and sometimes socks and shoes!). We also took to placing him on the potty at regular intervals. Within a few days, the accidents were mostly gone.

What I got out of all this is:

• Wait until your child is ready, not when you want them to be ready. My mom kept saying "why isn't he potty trained yet", and I kept ignoring her. I knew my son and knew when he was ready.
• No diapers when potty training, period. That just sends a mixed message. And that includes when going out in places where an "accident" will be a royal pain, as well as overnight when they are sleeping.
• At the start, you need to be proactive in helping your child succeed. Don't wait for them to ask to go - they are used to going in their diapers. Take them periodically. Later, when your child is used to using the potty, you can let them tell you when to go.
• Make a *huge* deal out of it when they go on the potty. Children love that! My DH gave "giddy-up" ride when my son went on the potty. My son still asks for those sometimes, and wants to "high-five" me when he goes.

 

[Severine]

I should add that DD has been dry overnight for over a year now. That started at around 18 months (which was why we tried introducing the potty back then). She doesn't nap either. But she's been in the bathroom with both of us countless times, we've done the "let's both sit on our potties at the same time" thing. She has friends who are potty-trained (but instead of it encouraging her to use the potty, she just claims that she does). WE have the potty book. The Elmo potty movie. A special potty for her at home, one in the car, and a potty seat (though she ended up preferring sitting on the "big potty" without the smaller seat). I let her pick out all kinds of undies.

But still this is where we are.

So yeah, maybe it is a control thing. Because technically, she's been physically ready for over a year. She can hold it. She does hold it. And even though we've made a huge deal out of it when she does use the potty (or even if she tries using the potty), we're still stuck in diapers. 2 kids in them at the same time. And she barely fits in the 6s because she's big for her age.

I guess I was just exasperated because we've been through the typical stuff time and time again already. And the fact that she has seemed ready for so long. But I'm probably making things worse by getting so concerned about it. She'll get out of diapers eventually, right? And in the meantime, it certainly makes things easier when we're out of the house. I remember a little girl at Walmart not too long ago who was in line in front of us. She threw a tantrum because her mommy wouldn't buy her something and then she peed her pants right there, through the cart and onto the floor. Yea, that must have been fun. :(

 

[MaryLou]

Severine - my kids never liked the little kids potty, we ended up never using it - they went straight to the real one. With my boy..not sure..he's on the short side, so I'm not exactly sure how he's going to make it lol...maybe a step stool? I'm dreading his potty training though - not just the concept...but the aim issue lol...my bathroom will be a mess!

I also did the 'no more diapers' once they were in underwear. All or nothing..and for my 2 girls, the pee training came before poop, and they were in underwear. We tossed a bunch of underwear and always had a spare set of clothes with us...for both of them this between stage only lasted a week or two (and my DD2 ended up holding it for days during that stage). And since your girl is dry in the AM, definately don't use pull-ups or anything at night - just be sure to buy a plastic sheet. Seriously, my girls had maybe 2 night time accidents for the first few months.

You just have to wonder what is going through their heads during this phase.

 

[NannyMin]

I've potty trained 14 kids and have found that each child approaches this milestone very differently and thus, I had to adapt my methods. It sounds like their are two separate issues going on. The first, that the potty training has become a control issue and the second that she is trying to get your attention when you are otherwise occupied.

In my experience, when it has already become a power struggle you have to step back and use other resources. Sometimes, having a older cousin or friend (4-5 yrs old) come over and asking that child to "show" your dd what to do can be successful. The older child feels important and your dd will most likely want to copy what the older child doing.

 

[Kano]

Interestingly, one day, DH told DD1 that we couldn't afford to be buying diapers for both her and her sister. He continued that her sister was way too little to sit on a potty (she couldn't even hold her head up yet) and so that meant that DD1 would have to start using the potty like grown ups.

We never opened the box of diapers he had purchased just that morning -- she never wore another, and never had an accident. We had been "playing" at potty for months off and on.

DD2 was a whole different story. She wasn't having any of it. She would even change her own diaper rather than use the potty. DH and I were going to some conference for a few days, so we turned it all over to grandma. Came home and she was "housebroken." She's always done things her own way in her own time -- not slow, or "late," but when she was good and ready, and it was her idea! (or maybe anyone elses but mine?)

They're both pretty cool young ladies now. DD1 has her own kids. Kid1 was pretty easy, right around the time he turned 2. We'll see how Kid2 works out -- he's a lot like his auntie 'Licia!

Kano

 

[Severine]

You just have to wonder what is going through their heads during this phase.

No kidding!! We get these emails from Pull-Ups (I don't even remember how I ended up on their list) with tips on potty training. The most recent one said that kids can feel possessive of their BMs like they're a part of them, and therefore it's scary to deposit them into the potty. We're supposed to encourage them that there will be plenty more where they came from. (I have to admit, there was a part of me that while reading it, too. I can be so juvenile!)

I've potty trained 14 kids and have found that each child approaches this milestone very differently and thus, I had to adapt my methods. It sounds like their are two separate issues going on. The first, that the potty training has become a control issue and the second that she is trying to get your attention when you are otherwise occupied.

In my experience, when it has already become a power struggle you have to step back and use other resources. Sometimes, having a older cousin or friend (4-5 yrs old) come over and asking that child to "show" your dd what to do can be successful. The older child feels important and your dd will most likely want to copy what the older child doing.

Can't argue with experience like yours! :D My cousin used to work in a daycare and her daughter is one week younger than mine - and has been potty trained for a few months now. Could be timing, but it could be that my cousin has more experience with it, too. I'll have to see if I can round up some older kids for her. She keeps telling me all the time that she wants to be a big kid and go to school. So I tried that angle, telling her that you can't go if you go potty in your pants. But it didn't encourage her. She just claimed she goes in the potty, but doesn't actually do it.

Interestingly, one day, DH told DD1 that we couldn't afford to be buying diapers for both her and her sister. He continued that her sister was way too little to sit on a potty (she couldn't even hold her head up yet) and so that meant that DD1 would have to start using the potty like grown ups.

We never opened the box of diapers he had purchased just that morning -- she never wore another, and never had an accident. We had been "playing" at potty for months off and on.

DD2 was a whole different story. She wasn't having any of it. She would even change her own diaper rather than use the potty. DH and I were going to some conference for a few days, so we turned it all over to grandma. Came home and she was "housebroken." She's always done things her own way in her own time -- not slow, or "late," but when she was good and ready, and it was her idea! (or maybe anyone elses but mine?)

They're both pretty cool young ladies now. DD1 has her own kids. Kid1 was pretty easy, right around the time he turned 2. We'll see how Kid2 works out -- he's a lot like his auntie 'Licia!

Kano

Wow for your DD1! That's pretty cool! I guess my sister was that way. She trained at 18 months.

I guess what I need to do is jump in with both feet the next time she says she wants to wear her underwear and not go back to diapers. I should be proud of her, too. When she wore them the other day (and went behind the armchair to pee while I was nursing), she actually took her wet undies off (deposited them on the living room floor-yuck!), went into her room, climbed up to get to her underwear drawer, picked out a new pair and put them on. Then she came into the kitchen to show off the new pair...which is how I learned about the accident. She did tell me where she went as well. It's progress, even if it's messy.

I gotta tell you that I'm terrified of potty training our youngest (the boy).

 

[Gloria]

Does she differientiate between the big potty and the training potty at all? I know we didn't have luck with the little floor thing but the seat that attaches to the big potty was all it took. The wierd reason I think this may help you is as she does like to be in control and did this while you were nursing your younger child, she may be stuck in between being that baby and being a big girl. Maybe making that line even more clear could be benficial. You may even try a nursing session with her in charge as your helper and then suggest part way through that she goes in and tries using the big potty and have a child seat attached to the real potty beforehand. I guess try and draw the big girl line in advance and let her feel good and purposeful about it and then just drop the rest of it in casually and see what happens is what I am trying to say. I hope that made sense.

 

[SkiNurse]

I survived it ok, haven't wet myself in ages! :ROTF:

Damn it. I was going to say something like that!!

 

[itri]

I absolutely *dread* the thought of potty training. DS is only 22 months, so I probably have a little while yet, but I'm just so NOT looking forward to it! I bought him the little fisher price potty and it's sitting in the bathroom, but so far the only interest he has in it is opening and closing the lid, and putting his toys in the bowl for storage!