Helping your kid through a crisis of confidence

[Knitjenious]

I'm happy to report back that today was the first day of her new lessons, and it went well!

She was VERY nervous last night and this morning. And today was our first day of the season at our new little local place. But the snow was pretty good, despite it being very cold today, and I did manage to get a quick word in with her teachers before the start to give them a heads up, which they did indeed appreciate. (@brooksnow it really means a lot to me that you let me know the teachers would be glad to hear from me pre-lesson!)

The main teacher for her group is a seasoned, gentle grandfatherly type, and the helper teacher is an older high school girl who used to go to the same middle school my daughter goes to now -- an ideal match. My daughter is on the older side of the group (she's 11, and the group is probably 9-12?) and in the middle of the pack ability-wise, which suits her, and she seems to have made friends with another slightly younger girl in the group.

Only a couple hills were open and the place is SMALL to begin with, so my husband and I had to work reeeeeeeally hard to avoid running into her during her lesson! But we secretly spied from the lift and once we saw her raise her hand to answer a question, we knew she was fine. (If she's anxious, she just won't speak at all to anyone.)

I know that not every day is going to work out well, but it was nice to have one that went in her favor. And she's made a plan for school club tomorrow (joining the bunny hill buddies, practicing her skills, and just having fun,) so hoping she can start building up some more positive experiences there, too.

 

[brooksnow]

That is excellent news, @Knitjenious !

 

[Moonrocket]

Yay!

the right group is so critical!!!

My 12yo just started a new group and is on week 2 and has never loved skiing- but kind of likes it. Well she loves this group! All girls 12-14 with a female instructor. They all ski double blacks but it sounds like today they just went and had a ton of fun on the kiddie trails and terrain parks and got silly making ski trains. Which was exactly what she needed.

I’m so glad for her to have fun. Oh and we skied our butts of while she was in her group - which was great too!

 

[berryblondeboys]

You'd be surprised (or maybe not) how many parents say nothing. Sometimes they think we won't take the kids if we know. It is always so much better to know than to struggle with a kid's behavior or reaction in the dark. We all want the kids to have fun and be successful.

It doesn't have to be a huge long conversation. "I just want to be sure you got the word that my daughter has anxiety with a 504 plan at school. An early sign that she is becoming anxious is .... One thing that helps is ...."

This is something we always struggle with. My son (16) has autism. The spectrum is huge and all kids on the spectrum are so different from each other.

When he has had lessons, we have told the instructors quickly and they have always been cool about it. My husband always wants to not tell them because they don't want him treated differently. He's verbal but has speaking difficulties, but for a kid on the spectrum, he's pretty coordinated - more so naturally than our neurotypical son is/was. He has also always done better behaviorally and in skill-building when integrated with other kids not on the spectrum. And that is tough because he doesn't quite fit either category.

And with skiing, he's picking it up maybe a bit more slowly than other kids with a few more quirks, but I do think that is more anxiety which he also deals with.

 

[brooksnow]

He's verbal but has speaking difficulties,

For me, knowing this would not make me treat him differently in general, but it would change the way I expect him to interact. BTDT.

The group rarely notices. For example, instead of asking everyone in the group one at a time to answer a question, I ask one or two kids to answer, then different kids the next time, etc. I might ask your son privately if he wanted to answer a question publicaly, and skip him if he said no. At the end of the lesson, if a kid mentions it I just shrug and say oops I missed him.