Growing up..

[michpc]

Divas, this is so weird. I got the news today that the first of my friends from college is expecting a baby in July! She's been legally married for over a year, and I was in the wedding last summer, but it's still so WEIRD! We're all 24 or 25, but I still feel like a kid, aside from the job and apartment and such. I can't believe I'm actually going to have a friend with a child. Weddings are one thing...they're fun and in my eyes, the only thing that really changes is the legal designation between the couple. But kids are another different thing completely. It's just so very surreal, I can barely wrap my head around it. I don't even think that I WANT to grow up .

 

[Robyn]

Haha, wait until your friends are getting married and are instantly stepmoms to pre-teens. Or if it happens to you you're dating guys with children and debating about whether you can be a stepmom. Yes, those first marriages, babies, divorces etc by friends do give you a bit of a wake up call.

 

[RachelV]

Oh my god, let's not even get me started on this topic. I have 2 pregnant friends right now and it is BLOWING MY MIND. This is after going to SEVEN (literally seven) weddings between March and September 2008.

I also just went skiing over New Year's with a friend who has a 7-yo daughter. This is probably going to make me sound like I'm about 12, but MAN, actually taking a trip with a kid made me realize how much they change things. She was awesome and really well-behaved, and it was a blast teaching her to ski, but you're just always DEALING with STUFF. Constant dealing.

So yeah, I don't know who ok'ed this whole "grown up" thing, but it's totally crazy. I'm gonna go build a blanket fort and go rollerskating or something. ;)

 

[Christy]

I don't know who ok'ed this whole "grown up" thing, but it's totally crazy.

One of our nieces recently told us, "you guys don't seem like grown ups. You're cooler." My husband is the youngest of 6 and the only one without kids, so even though we're almost 40, the nieces/nephews don't see us as grown ups. Love it.

Michpc I don't blame you for being freaked out. In my circle that would have been pretty young to be married much less having kids (we were all slackers in our 20s). The weddings didn't even start until the 30s mostly. Actually I think more of my friends are unmarried but long term couples w/o kids than traditional married with kids couples!

 

[MaryLou]

My advice (as a mom of 3 kids, started at 30yo) is to enjoy your time now (if you're married and think/know you want kids 'someday'). Get your vacations and ski trips in now. Get to the movies now. If you're a reader, devour every novel now. Once you have kids, your time is pretty much gone. Sure, you get 'some' time, but nothing like you have now. When you have 3 - let's just say you 'give up' even trying lol (but I work FT, so I may have less time than others, don't want to completely scare you).

I always knew I wanted kids, but I really enjoyed my life in my 20s (married, house, no kids) - so much fun skiing with DH, hanging with friends, weekend trips, parties, being a Martha Stewart-wanna be. I wondered when I'd ever want to take the plunge. But then something clicked inside me. Suddenly, that wasn't 'enough'. Maybe it was age or something, but DH and I were ready.

You can't force it. It may come. Then you're ready for all the sacrifice and giving of yourself. Because man...you just give give give give...get much in return I tell you, but there are many many many days with little or negative return, but you just keep going and know that your hard work will (hopefully) payoff with a well-adjusted child that will be your ultimate legacy (and support you in your old age after the SS system has gone bankrupt and your 401k falls 99% - ha ha!).

This weekend I skied with my 3 kids and hubby - the littlest is 3yo and making turns and stopping on his own. Such a wonderful sight for me - all 5 of us together on the ski mountain (a first). It's these times when all the hard work and sacrifice are so worth it. Of course it was followed by my near-teen begging to get off the slopes (with eye roll), a 3yo tantrum and fighting over a cookie...

 

[MaryLou]

Adding - you are finally old when you have a child who thinks you are a dinosaur. You get so far out of touch with today, that even though you feel young, or feel that you were just 18 a few years back - you are slapped back into reality by your 'tween. When I asked her if Chris Brown sung some song she was playing, she laughed so hard "I can't believe you think he sang this song..ha ha ha...that's so funny". Well, cripes, all this gooey sweet sickly pop crap she listens to sounds the same, how can I tell?! OMG - I am my mother!

I just had a conversation yesterday about ATM machines, how they didn't exist once...you had to go to a person at the bank, fill out a form to get your $, during banking hours. They were shocked! Yup...I'm old.

 

[amanda]

I so know this feeling! My best friend and roommate from college had a baby last January and I'm the little guy's godmother. It's sureal when the people that you partied with in college are now parents. When I go visit her I come home with a fresh appreciation for my lifestyle.

 

[oragejuice]

Ahh! I know exactly how you feel!! Ok, seriously... I'm 20, and I've had six (maybe more??) friends get married, and double that are engaged. And yes, they're all about my age. WHAT IN THE WORLD???? I'm completely unnattached, and it's the strangest thing to have all my girlfriends getting engaged and planning weddings. I haven't gone to many of them, because A- I'm broke and they pick the most ridiculous places to get married. and B- I don't want to feel like I've missed the bandwagon, cause I know I haven't, but still.

 

[michpc]

Ahh! I know exactly how you feel!! Ok, seriously... I'm 20, and I've had six (maybe more??) friends get married, and double that are engaged. And yes, they're all about my age. WHAT IN THE WORLD???? I'm completely unnattached, and it's the strangest thing to have all my girlfriends getting engaged and planning weddings. I haven't gone to many of them, because A- I'm broke and they pick the most ridiculous places to get married. and B- I don't want to feel like I've missed the bandwagon, cause I know I haven't, but still.

Wow, that's fast! The friend who is having the baby was the first of my high school and college friends to get married. And it was all our rugby friends there at the wedding in Syracuse, so it was a total blast. The whole baby thing is just totally weird though! I'm in another wedding in September for more rugby friends (both the guy and the girl), but since she's a PhD student, I hope there aren't any babies in the near future for them too! So weird!

 

[RachelV]

It's sureal when the people that you partied with in college are now parents. When I go visit her I come home with a fresh appreciation for my lifestyle.

Oh, so check this out -- I was at a party a few months ago and there was a couple there with a baby that was less than a year old. I left the party around midnight, maybe a little after, and THE BABY WAS STILL THERE. I was walking to the subway thinking, "Rachel, you just left a party before a 9-month-old baby. How does that make you feel?" Answer: pretty lame!

Is this what hip 20-somethings with babies do now? Take them to parties in Williamsburg until all hours of the morning? Totally bizarre.

 

[oragejuice]

Is this what hip 20-somethings with babies do now? Take them to parties in Williamasburg until all hours of the morning? Totally bizarre.

:ROTF:

 

[num]

Oh, yeah.

I'm your age, and the majority of my friends are older, cuz I skipped a few grades in school and kinda ended up on a fast track. A few years ago the "everyone's getting married" boom happened, followed shortly by the "tons of babies/we're all now either parents or godparents" boom.

Now there's the "I waited until after grad school to get married" second round of weddings is happening.

It's kind of like people are living synchronized lives.

 

[michpc]

I have a confession: When I went to my BF's first rugby game after college and the sidelines were populated with wives and kids and strollers, I cried. Literally shed tears. :ROTF:

 

[MaryLou]

I'm in the "get divorced, and here are the new spouse and step kids" stage! Actually, it's the worst when your friends gets divorced...have to almost always choose your loyalties to one spouse, which is tough if both of you are friends with both of them. Right now friends are separated, and my 8yo is BF with their girl (same class in school), we knew them from our prior kid-free lives...and it's real tough - scheduling playdates around custody times, hearing both sides of the 'story'...ugh...hate it.

 

[ski diva]

It's weird how you go through stages in life like that: first everyone you know is graduating college, then getting married, then having kids, etc. etc. etc.

That doesn't make it any easier. All I'm saying is that you get that same feeling a LOT. I still feel like I'm 25, yet my daughter got married this summer! If you want something to make you feel totally freaked out and like time is passing by, that'll do it.

 

[geargrrl]

I still remember that we were some of the first ones in our "group" to start having kids. I was 26, he was 27. The big joke now is ours graduated HS while theirs are just starting kindergarten....

 

[Kimmyt]

Yep, just found out a friend from college was pregnant. Weird, but not really unexpected. I mean, hell, after attending on average 5 weddings a year for the past 3 years I figured someone would pop one out soon enough.

The weird thing is that I'm getting to that stage (late 20s) where the thought of having a child is not as completely incomprehensible as it once was. I mean, scary, hell to the yeah.

But a friend from work who is younger than me got pregnant accidentally recently and just seeing her go through it all... I dunno. I'm not jonesing for it, but it is a possible outcome in the next few years.

Now THAT blows my mind.

 

[cinnabon]

My advice (as a mom of 3 kids, started at 30yo) is to enjoy your time now (if you're married and think/know you want kids 'someday'). Get your vacations and ski trips in now. Get to the movies now. If you're a reader, devour every novel now. Once you have kids, your time is pretty much gone. Sure, you get 'some' time, but nothing like you have now. When you have 3 - let's just say you 'give up' even trying lol (but I work FT, so I may have less time than others, don't want to completely scare you).

I always knew I wanted kids, but I really enjoyed my life in my 20s (married, house, no kids) - so much fun skiing with DH, hanging with friends, weekend trips, parties, being a Martha Stewart-wanna be. I wondered when I'd ever want to take the plunge. But then something clicked inside me. Suddenly, that wasn't 'enough'. Maybe it was age or something, but DH and I were ready.

You can't force it. It may come. Then you're ready for all the sacrifice and giving of yourself. Because man...you just give give give give...get much in return I tell you, but there are many many many days with little or negative return, but you just keep going and know that your hard work will (hopefully) payoff with a well-adjusted child that will be your ultimate legacy (and support you in your old age after the SS system has gone bankrupt and your 401k falls 99% - ha ha!).

This weekend I skied with my 3 kids and hubby - the littlest is 3yo and making turns and stopping on his own. Such a wonderful sight for me - all 5 of us together on the ski mountain (a first). It's these times when all the hard work and sacrifice are so worth it. Of course it was followed by my near-teen begging to get off the slopes (with eye roll), a 3yo tantrum and fighting over a cookie...

This post reminds me why I made the decision not to have kids! I know there are cool things I am missing out on, but it just wasn't the life I wanted - and I was married during my "child bearing" years... Now I'm in my late 40's and in many respects I feel like I never "grew up" in the way having that responsibility forces you to!

But I remember how mind blowing it was when I was young and friends started having them!

 

[MaryLou]

This post reminds me why I made the decision not to have kids! I know there are cool things I am missing out on, but it just wasn't the life I wanted - and I was married during my "child bearing" years... Now I'm in my late 40's and in many respects I feel like I never "grew up" in the way having that responsibility forces you to!

But I remember how mind blowing it was when I was young and friends started having them!

LOL! Some days I think I should have taken your route. My BIL/SIL are early 40s, no kids...ski trip out west every year, few more vacations, weekends away, season tickets to sporting events, new luxury cars....fun fun fun... They were at our ski house over New Years...what I had to do to get myself and family ready for a ski day was like moving a battalion compared to their preparation (including 2 more hours of sleep!). Sigh...I really really really try not to dwell on it. They are great uncle and aunt to my kids though!

 

[Christy]

This post reminds me why I made the decision not to have kids! I know there are cool things I am missing out on, but it just wasn't the life I wanted - and I was married during my "child bearing" years... Now I'm in my late 40's and in many respects I feel like I never "grew up" in the way having that responsibility forces you to!

That sounds like me! Plus I started grad school at 33 and am still finishing a dissertation so I only work (at my job) 3 days per week, and am home writing (kind of) the other 2. I wonder if I will ever feel "grown up."