Getting your mind back after a bad fall

[Skiing2BFreeInYYC]

I’m currently sitting in the lovely sun at the bottom of a chairlift while our friends ski, calming down from a panic attack that hit me out of nowhere! Just looking for tips, resources etc that may have helped other people who’ve gone through similar?nice never dealt with this. I wasn’t prepared for this and I don’t know what’s wrong or how to get my head back.

This is my first time back on skis since falling two weeks ago. I was at revelstoke doing an incredible two day free ride women’s clinic, I had been pushing myself all weekend and having a great time, no fear of the steeps, did my first double black diamond even. On the way down for lunch I was on a black diamond groomer. Was feeling confident and going fast, and then going into a left turn I caught an edge and fell. The pitch was big and steep and I fell a looong time and ways with a lot of speed behind me. Like I thought I’d never stop. My heavy powder skis didn’t release from my bindings on the initial fall and I was terrified to try and stop myself or to let my skis dig in as I could just picture my knee ripping. So I kind of contorted myself I guess and kept my skis in the air, sliding on my side/back every which way. When I stopped, I was OK - my right ankle hurt, wrists, right hip, right back we’re all sore but that was thankfully the extent of the injuries. I did finish skiing down and then did another run, in the powder though I never went back on a groomer that day. I called it after the powder run because of the ankle instability and took the gondola down.

Saw my physio and my ankle is just a mild sprain, I had a bad sprain from a slip walking 4 years ago that I seem to have flared up during the fall. I’ve been looking forward to this ski trip with friends for a long time and over the past two weeks I never thought I’d be scared from the fall - wasn’t a thought in my brain as I love skiing so much.

anyways, here we are - beautiful sunny day at Panorama Resort great conditions good groomer day. we head up to the top to warm up with an easy blue. Ankle feels ok in the boot, maybe a little weak and stiff but I don’t think I’ll make it worse by skiing on it. We head down the blue and other than being slow I was doing allright. BUT, then we get to a part with a long steep pitch and I started skiing it but after turn 1 I got overwhelmed with anxiety, shaking, couldn’t breathe, afraid to turn left. It’s like every time I turn left I’m waiting for my edge to not release and for me to fall straight down the hill again. Mind over matter I tell myself but I just can’t seem to relax and get my groove or technique back. By the time I got to the bottom of the chair I was crying as I’m so mad at myself.

This isn’t logical for me - I love skiing want to be enjoying this day! What the actual hell is going on in my mind and body how do I get it under control so I can ski steeps again?

 

[Jilly]

So, back off and ski the blue groomers, with less speed and work on technique. If one day at that doesn't do it, then seek an instructor for a quick confidence lesson...

 

[VTsnowflower]

Go straight to amazon.com and buy Mermer Blakeslee’s book- A Conversation with Fear. Start reading it tonight. It helps!

 

[ski diva]

I feel for you. I really do. A bad fall can really shake your confidence.

Give it time. And back off a bit. Ski easier stuff, and take it slow. It may take a while to bounce back.

 

[Amie H]

I’m currently sitting in the lovely sun at the bottom of a chairlift while our friends ski, calming down from a panic attack that hit me out of nowhere! Just looking for tips, resources etc that may have helped other people who’ve gone through similar?nice never dealt with this. I wasn’t prepared for this and I don’t know what’s wrong or how to get my head back.

This is my first time back on skis since falling two weeks ago. I was at revelstoke doing an incredible two day free ride women’s clinic, I had been pushing myself all weekend and having a great time, no fear of the steeps, did my first double black diamond even. On the way down for lunch I was on a black diamond groomer. Was feeling confident and going fast, and then going into a left turn I caught an edge and fell. The pitch was big and steep and I fell a looong time and ways with a lot of speed behind me. Like I thought I’d never stop. My heavy powder skis didn’t release from my bindings on the initial fall and I was terrified to try and stop myself or to let my skis dig in as I could just picture my knee ripping. So I kind of contorted myself I guess and kept my skis in the air, sliding on my side/back every which way. When I stopped, I was OK - my right ankle hurt, wrists, right hip, right back we’re all sore but that was thankfully the extent of the injuries. I did finish skiing down and then did another run, in the powder though I never went back on a groomer that day. I called it after the powder run because of the ankle instability and took the gondola down.

Saw my physio and my ankle is just a mild sprain, I had a bad sprain from a slip walking 4 years ago that I seem to have flared up during the fall. I’ve been looking forward to this ski trip with friends for a long time and over the past two weeks I never thought I’d be scared from the fall - wasn’t a thought in my brain as I love skiing so much.

anyways, here we are - beautiful sunny day at Panorama Resort great conditions good groomer day. we head up to the top to warm up with an easy blue. Ankle feels ok in the boot, maybe a little weak and stiff but I don’t think I’ll make it worse by skiing on it. We head down the blue and other than being slow I was doing allright. BUT, then we get to a part with a long steep pitch and I started skiing it but after turn 1 I got overwhelmed with anxiety, shaking, couldn’t breathe, afraid to turn left. It’s like every time I turn left I’m waiting for my edge to not release and for me to fall straight down the hill again. Mind over matter I tell myself but I just can’t seem to relax and get my groove or technique back. By the time I got to the bottom of the chair I was crying as I’m so mad at myself.

This isn’t logical for me - I love skiing want to be enjoying this day! What the actual hell is going on in my mind and body how do I get it under control so I can ski steeps again?

In 2019, I had a serious accident in MT while skiing with a guide. Charging down a steep, one ski grabbed a pile of powder and flung me forward. Had been skiing confidently & aggressively before that. I said "I'm ok" when asked by the concerned ppl I was with, but I knew I wasn't 100%.
On subsequent ski trips that year I had a few anxiety attacks.(I know what they are bc I've had it diagnosed the 1st time it surfaced after a traumatic/highly stressful experience.)
I ended up either having a cocktail in the morning OR (in UT bc no bars open) taking a small dose of prescription Xanax. In a pinch, a small dose of Benadryl helps, too. Sounds ridiculous that I went to such lengths, as opposed to just not skiing, but it helped me get going in the morning. And once I got going, I usually gained more confidence/ease as the day wore on.
I ended up having surgery in Dec that year related to the injury I sustained (essentially a helmeted head-first landing that accelerated existing disc degeneration in my neck. )
I was back on snow in Feb 2020. And it was ok. Ironically my neck was great but I was dealing w monster plantar fasciitis in my foot (had surgery for that July 2020.)
These days (and on advisement from surgeon) I ski easier terrain, and am more picky about staying in groomed snow.
I hate to offer platitudes or clichés, but for me a combo of being physically healthy/fit, time, giving myself permission to take frequent breaks, and a few good days on the snow helped. These days I'm skiing well, less anxiety, staying out on the snow longer.

 

[newboots]

(Puts psychologist hat on)

Your fight/flight/freeze defense system, located in the “old” or “reptilian” brain, operates like those other systems in that part of the brain. Such as, breathing and heart rate. Automatic and somewhat disconnected to thought.

This is why you didn’t feel any anxiety until the tripwire was triggered. Sometimes people have a traumatic event triggered by a scent, or the angle of the light. It’s often not obvious.

Your old brain protects you from dangerous situations. Like a smoke alarm, it will go off even if you’re only browning the meat.

to be continued

 

[newboots]

So your old brain is overdoing the protection, but better safe than sorry. You know better in your mind, because you are already a competent skier. But the old brain overgeneralizes.

So what’s happened to you is 100% normal and natural. It’s somewhat unpredictable, because the trigger may not be what one would expect. But your trigger is reasonably clear.

What to do? The suggestions above are goo things to try. Another idea is something to try at home. Put on relaxing music, sit or lie down in a comfortable spot, do some breathing exercises or put on a meditation recording. When you are very calm, imagine the scary thing in extreme baby steps. Possibly:
1- at home, look at a ski map (imagining)
2- imagine planning a trip
3- imagine trying on your ski clothes

etc.

If you feel panic coming up, back up. Go back to the recliner and the music, till your anxiety is gone for a while.

Then, try again, very slowly.
After you can imagine the whole thing, including skiing the same trail where you fell (but flawlessly), relax some more. Then plan another ski day, and don’t try anything fancy. Green trails, maybe some drills.

Why so long and detailed? Your old brain is not influenced much by what you think. It is influenced more by what you experience in your body. So you’ll have to practice doing some of those things (first in your imagination, and then in fact, while relaxed. You are proving to your old brain that this is a safe experience. That’s why you have to back up when you feel the anxiety, not push forward (at this stage).

This is a perfectly legitimate time to see a therapist, especially one who specializes in short term treatment of anxiety. You DON’T want someone who suggests talking at length about your childhood. [Unless you have had terrifying experiences in childhood that have given you some panic attacks.]

A competent therapist would be like a coach, helping you learn to retrain the old brain so that you can ski again.

I will retire again and take off my psychologist hat, but I’m open to questions.

And wishing you the very best luck! I wouldn’t recommend alcohol or medication for this problem - you’ll have a much sturdier recovery from this experience if you take a little time to retrain your old brain, rather than impairing it’s ability to protect you. That’s a slippery slope, and it’s not necessary except in extreme cases, and even then it’s not the best approach. (Extreme childhood trauma with anxiety that interferes with many aspects of life, for example.)

 

[newboots]

(a little bit more)

There are other ways than the one described above (an approximation of systematic desensitization, DIY version). These other methods (probably best done with a therapist trained in the theory) involve teaching your nervous system that things are okay. There are certain exercises that enlist the parasympathetic nervous system to come to the rescue when the sympathetic (which I think should be named unsympathetic) nervous system gets all jangley. It's been a few years for me, so I'm not going to attempt to describe these exercises - can't remember important parts! But very worthwhile.

The therapists might specialize in "Somatic Experiencing," somatic psychotherapy, body/mind psychotherapy, or other terms. It's a field where it can be hard to tell the good, ethical therapists from the more fringe folks. If I were pursuing this path, I would look for someone with a solid degree and a number of years of experience, licensed as a psychologist, social worker, or counselor, and with a certificate in a specific school of somatic psychotherapy. There are massage therapists who do this work, but I don't know how you would find one who is really solid, rather than on the fringe.

The happy part of all this is, this stuff works, and it works pretty quickly. This isn't a long-term project!

(takes off psychologist hat; puts on skier hat)

Oh! And an instructor who has a good reputation for working with skiers who have fear issues! If you read Mermer's book (recommended above, and rightly so), you want to ski with her. Her technique is so intuitive and fabulous. I was very impressed.

 

[Lmk92]

A few years ago, the kids decided to learn to snowboard, and I took the day to ski solo. I was lapping the black diamonds all afternoon, and at the top of one particular trail, I would always hesitate before going over because there was a bit of a lip. So at the end of the day, I told myself I was just going to send it. Of course, I hit ice. My skis did come off, but like you, I slid the entire length of the trail. Luckily for me, it was short, but I had no control as I was sliding. So for years, I laughed about it, but when faced with steeps, with even the hint of ice, I experienced the same anxiety you did: FROZEN with fear, physically shaking, etc. Unlike you, I didn't acknowledge the psychological trauma of my experience.

So, I think you've taken a big step in simply identifying what happened, acknowledging it, and being ready to move on. I wish I had tried newboots' suggestions years ago (and may, in fact, incorporate them now). I'm still not over it, but I haven't frozen in a really long time. My trigger is the sound of that brushed off terrain (pre-ice?) and ice itself (when I'm riding over trails with ice, even ones I know I won't be skiing on, I feel the anxiety firing up).

I credit repetition (I didn't stop skiing, and I would ski "scarier" trails multiple times, but never pushed myself to ski a downright scary trail until NH this year) and lessons. I have more confidence in my skiing because I'm improving. (this last trip to NH and ME with the divas certainly helped, too!)

Good luck with your journey. And please let us know if you have suggestions for us!

 

[newboots]

Oh - I had no idea! Extra non-covid hugs for you!

And wasn't that trip amazing for our confidence? Nothing like perfect conditions and empty trails for our skiing to shine.

 

[Lmk92]

Oh - I had no idea! Extra non-covid hugs for you!

And wasn't that trip amazing for our confidence? Nothing like perfect conditions and empty trails for our skiing to shine.

It really was @newboots. I really felt like I was at the top of my game up there! Such a fantastic week

 

[Skiing2BFreeInYYC]

In 2019, I had a serious accident in MT while skiing with a guide. Charging down a steep, one ski grabbed a pile of powder and flung me forward. Had been skiing confidently & aggressively before that. I said "I'm ok" when asked by the concerned ppl I was with, but I knew I wasn't 100%.
On subsequent ski trips that year I had a few anxiety attacks.(I know what they are bc I've had it diagnosed the 1st time it surfaced after a traumatic/highly stressful experience.)
I ended up either having a cocktail in the morning OR (in UT bc no bars open) taking a small dose of prescription Xanax. In a pinch, a small dose of Benadryl helps, too. Sounds ridiculous that I went to such lengths, as opposed to just not skiing, but it helped me get going in the morning. And once I got going, I usually gained more confidence/ease as the day wore on.
I ended up having surgery in Dec that year related to the injury I sustained (essentially a helmeted head-first landing that accelerated existing disc degeneration in my neck. )
I was back on snow in Feb 2020. And it was ok. Ironically my neck was great but I was dealing w monster plantar fasciitis in my foot (had surgery for that July 2020.)
These days (and on advisement from surgeon) I ski easier terrain, and am more picky about staying in groomed snow.
I hate to offer platitudes or clichés, but for me a combo of being physically healthy/fit, time, giving myself permission to take frequent breaks, and a few good days on the snow helped. These days I'm skiing well, less anxiety, staying out on the snow longer.

 

[Skiing2BFreeInYYC]

Huge thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply and share, this is such a great community!

I will get that book mentioned for sure. I’m hoping that and some visualization like mentioned is all I’ll need to push through this. Thank you again so much for taking the time to write out what was going on with my mind/body!

I waited at the bottom of the lift til the group came back and I felt OK enough to go back up. I told my fiancé that I wanted to ski alone for a bit at my own pace and he understood. Our friends are very well meaning but all the questions of “how’s the ankle” “you ok” were just making it worse. The blue run started with a cat track traverse which ended up being great. I was able to test the limits of my sore ankle feeling much safer and just kept practicing using my edges to turn left - doing the scary thing! I did that blue run twice and a green ski out and called it a day. I’m happy I was at least able to get back out there and get through some easier runs.

With hindsight going straight to the top on the first run of the day today and starting with a steep pitch was probably not my smartest decision. But like I said I really wasn’t thinking about it at all until it was right in front of me! Our minds are fascinating things

 

[DebbieSue]

Oh - I had no idea! Extra non-covid hugs for you!

And wasn't that trip amazing for our confidence? Nothing like perfect conditions and empty trails for our skiing to shine.

Empty trails!!!! Definitely this. I’m a people person… but on a ski run, I like to be with a small number of buddies de jour at our pace whatever that may be, or on my own. I don’t like people zooming past me and I don’t like zooming past others. Makes me anxious. I have vivid memories over decades of specific trails that were “empty” when I skied them creating a very personal euphoria. So glad to hear how others appreciated those same feelings at Bretton Woods last month, even more so if it helped with reconnecting with the joy of skiing.