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Falling Behind?

EAVL

Certified Ski Diva
Hi Ladies!
So as my season begins to wind down I have to say I think I regressed. A LOT!! My youngest now skis better than me. My DH is and likely will always bay way better than me. My oldest is a slopestyle snowboarder so of course no fear and mad skills. We kind of came to a place that the fam doesn’t enjoy skiing with me nor I them. I got injured just as my season was starting. Small ligament tear and nerve damage that took weeks to feel better. My leg healed but my fear has only grown. I feel panicky heading to the lift and pray that I make it down alive and in one piece almost every run. The only time I relax is on easy green groomers and I enjoy that feeling of not having to think about it so I could spend all day doing that, but my family gets bored. We have had crappy snow this season so a lot of crusty, scraped off days that freak me out. Today my daughter led us down a blue that was all ice and moguls. I had to do a lot of sliding and side stepping while cursing at my family who were below barking out directions I couldn’t really hear anyway. After that I took a break to rehydrate and calm down. I met the coolest 73 year old lady who says she only skis moguls! After resting and talking with her, I felt a lot more confident going back out on blues. I have been skiing five years and have a lot of days under my belt so I expected to be getting better and braver, but this year I went the other way. I think the fact that a lot of friends we skied a lot with in past seasons didn’t come up as much either due to our lack of snow, hasn’t helped my enthusiasm either. In past seasons I have been the cheerleader getting us up and out early and staying all day. This season I have had to convince myself to get out there and am pooped and over it after a couple hours. I am hoping a summer off will put some distance between me and my lackluster season, otherwise I might need hypnosis or Xanax or I don’t know what next year. Will I ever get over the fear? I have always been cautious but this year I am sure I will die or at least have a life changing injury. Two season ago I even skied black runs with a patient and encouraging friend. My husband feels no fear and gets impatient with people who do. He has big dreams of me getting to his level and I have fantasies of myself slowly shushing down greens all day and being ok with that. We’ll see what happens next year I guess!
 

MrsPlow

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
Crappy snow and an injury - I'm impressed you kept getting out there and giving it a go.

I reckon some days (or just a couple of hours) when you let the rest of the family rip around the mountain by themselves while you ski however makes you happy, things will improve. I've had runs or days that have really knocked my confidence and self-belief, and saying to my husband that I'm just going to ski where I want, at my own pace for a bit resets things. A lesson or 2 at the start of next season might be a good idea - it's on my to-do list as well.

Good luck!
 

newboots

Angel Diva
It makes total sense to feel over cautious and afraid after an injury. It’s an unconscious feeling, not a choice. The brain is trying to protect you, and it errs on the side of caution!

Many more will chime in here with good suggestions. (“Ski those greens! Meet the family later!”). I’m a psychologist specialized in trauma and I’m here to tell you that this is a completely natural response. Stop blaming yourself! The brain’s warning system is working as it should.

Have you read Mermer Blakeslee’s book?

This will turn out well when the bad experience resolves, which it will. Give yourself time!
 

AltaEgo

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
EAVL,
Everyone has a different journey after injury. Some people bounce back right away. I am not one of them. I have to work at it.

Getting over an injury has mental and physical components. When we return to activity, our mind automatically tries to protect what it perceives to be our injured part. It messes with balance and technique, because it perceives a weakness where one may not exist.

Can I suggest off-season work on strengthening the area around the injury and balance work? Then ski with someone who will help you get your balance and your confidence back.

Altaego
Two replaced knees, a replaced left hip. My only on slope injury was when I dislocated my hip fixing a clients boot.
 

KristinB

Certified Ski Diva
EAVL...
Repeat after me....."I am awesome!"

Recovering after an injury can be tough, both mentally and physically.

Over the summer, give yourself some fitness goals and work to achieve them so you feel ready for this coming season.

I lost confidence when I got back into skiing, and made it worse by not having an instructor to give me a lesson. Even though I "know" how to ski, I can not recommend having an instructor by your side to make you feel more confident. I take lessons now to tweak my technique and just overall confidence building. If for any reason I am feeling uncomfortable, I get an instructor - even if it is something as simple as just skiing new terrain.

I also found it difficult to ski with my family and felt like I was slowing them down. We often start in the morning with some green runs as a family, then break up to ski different runs. Depending on the resort, sometimes we can do different runs and still meet to take the lift back up. Even if I am the first one down, or another member is the first one down, it is always fun to have a cheering section at the bottom of the hill. If we can not meet on the mountain, we always have a plan to meet for lunch, a hot chocolate break, or dinner. That way we still see each other and have some moments together, and more often than not, we end up doing a run together too.

I think you need to talk to your husband about skiing the blacks. If you are not comfortable with them, then do not do them. Build up to it, and be ready on your timeline. Explain how you feel and perhaps lay out a plan to get on the slopes. Not everyone can ski blacks (and not everyone on the blacks should be there).

I second "ski those greens"! Use them to build yourself up, work on something you are not comfortable with, and to give that old injury a test run so you learn what you can do despite it. Once you are ready, get back out and build up to whatever you want to ski.
 

Jilly

Moderator
Staff member
Coming back from an injury is not easy. The heart is there, but the feeling that it's going to happen again is there. I think you're getting some great advice here. I would like to add that maybe first thing next season join a lesson group. We have a ladies only group called Elle ski at Tremblant. I'm sure there has to be something similar out there. They meet every Saturday morning for 8 weeks. It'll build that confidence and you might make some new ski buddies. If not look for a multi-day clinic that is ladies only. No need for testosterone.
 

Lmk92

Angel Diva
Again, the Diva Ladies are the best.

When comparing your experience with my own back slide a couple of years ago, I have to wonder about your skis. Now, I didn't have an injury to contend with, but I do feel like I backslid, and it seems the main culprit for me was my skis. Could you be ready for new ones? I also feel that a couple of lessons really, really boosted my confidence.
 

kiki

Angel Diva
@EAVL time heals. And keep trying.
I was in a car accident about 4 years ago. Stopped at a red light and rear ended by a young new driver going full speed (maybe texting and not paying attention.). The whiplash healed with physio and massage over about a year. But it took a lot longer than that to not be constantly looking in the mirror, waiting for someone to hit me again. If I had had a choice I would have started taking transit as the drive to work and back terrified me. It took time to get over it.
Your body is likely still healing physically and it will take time to get your head back where it was. Keep at it!
 

EAVL

Certified Ski Diva
Crappy snow and an injury - I'm impressed you kept getting out there and giving it a go.

I reckon some days (or just a couple of hours) when you let the rest of the family rip around the mountain by themselves while you ski however makes you happy, things will improve. I've had runs or days that have really knocked my confidence and self-belief, and saying to my husband that I'm just going to ski where I want, at my own pace for a bit resets things. A lesson or 2 at the start of next season might be a good idea - it's on my to-do list as well.

Good luck!
I was thinking a lesson at the start of next season will help too. Gonna do it!
 

EAVL

Certified Ski Diva
It makes total sense to feel over cautious and afraid after an injury. It’s an unconscious feeling, not a choice. The brain is trying to protect you, and it errs on the side of caution!

Many more will chime in here with good suggestions. (“Ski those greens! Meet the family later!”). I’m a psychologist specialized in trauma and I’m here to tell you that this is a completely natural response. Stop blaming yourself! The brain’s warning system is working as it should.

Have you read Mermer Blakeslee’s book?

This will turn out well when the bad experience resolves, which it will. Give yourself time!
Thanks for the book suggestion. I will check that out!
 

EAVL

Certified Ski Diva
Again, the Diva Ladies are the best.

When comparing your experience with my own back slide a couple of years ago, I have to wonder about your skis. Now, I didn't have an injury to contend with, but I do feel like I backslid, and it seems the main culprit for me was my skis. Could you be ready for new ones? I also feel that a couple of lessons really, really boosted my confidence.
I just got new skis last year. They are an aggressive ski and they were helping me ski better last year. This year because I am being cautious they feel like too much ski for me some days.
 

EAVL

Certified Ski Diva
Thank you ladies!!! I really appreciate all your kind words of encouragement and advice! It does make sense and I have been a few car accidents and yes after the bad one on the highway it took me years to feel comfortable passing a semi again (one ran me off the road). I forgot about that or didn’t think it related to a ski injury but the mental piece is really the same. I do a lot of yoga and I mountain bike in the summer/fall so I hope to be in good shape at the start of next season and I plan on taking at least one lesson for sure! My husband knows how I feel about skiing blacks, but it doesn’t stop him from expressing his dreams of us skiing them together now and then. We do ski our own runs a lot and always have and then meet up, just some days he and the kids (like yesterday) really want to ski with me, but they aren’t always willing to dial it back a little. I have a friend I bike with who is terrified after a bad over-the-bars wreck and I just know when I ride with her it is going to be a little slower and less crazy and I am totally fine with that because I want to hang out with her and while I encourage her, I never push her to do anything she isn’t comfortable with. It is supposed to be fun! This apparently didn’t rub off on my family! Lol!!
 

marzNC

Angel Diva
I was thinking a lesson at the start of next season will help too. Gonna do it!
In most cases, an intermediate group lesson during early season can be a cost effective way to get a season off to a good start. Especially if you can manage to get to the slopes midweek. As someone mentioned, a multi-week program can be great.

If hubby wants you to gain confidence, maybe a multi-day Women's Camp as a birthday or Christmas or Mother's Day present? :smile:

The main reason I started taking lessons more regularly was after knee rehab (after age 55, not related to skiing). I was lucky to be able to take advantage of a 2-hour workshop ($40) offered by a PSIA Level 3 instructor (20+ years experience) twice a week for people over 50. What was a surprise was that having a tiny home hill turned out to be an advantage. There isn't any off-piste terrain there. So the groomers are actually more fun once I learned how to practice fundamental skills that I lacked even though I was starting to ski ungroomed terrain, including bumps and trees, on trips to destination resorts.

I used different skis than the all-mountain skis I owned back then during the first season back on snow after injury. A bit shorter and narrower. They were used skis I had around that I bought as the next skis for my tween daughter.

For me, the reason to improve technique was to be able to ski more with my daughter as she became an advanced skier by age 11. Took a few seasons, but ultimately I started skiing advanced terrain at Alta that I never expected to ski in my lifetime since I started relatively late to get beyond the intermediate plateau.
 

liquidfeet

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
...My husband knows how I feel about skiing blacks, but it doesn’t stop him from expressing his dreams of us skiing them together now and then. We do ski our own runs a lot and always have and then meet up, just some days he and the kids (like yesterday) really want to ski with me, but they aren’t always willing to dial it back a little. ....

It takes years for any new skier to match the speed, skills, and comfort of someone who skis as you describe your husband. If he wants to ski with you, he needs to ski with you on your terrain. He needs to find his inner "dial-it-back-skier" who enjoys your company more than the thrill of one more fast run down the hill.

Talk him and the kids into taking up snowboarding. That will slow them down and put them with you on your terrain.
 

AltaEgo

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I absolutely agree with the instructor comment. But you need to get someone good with movement analysis. That means experienced, at least PSIA Level II. It takes a while to develop an "eye" for movement analysis. Don't just get anybody. A video assessment might help too.
 

Randi M.

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
@EAVL time heals. And keep trying.
I was in a car accident about 4 years ago. Stopped at a red light and rear ended by a young new driver going full speed (maybe texting and not paying attention.). The whiplash healed with physio and massage over about a year. But it took a lot longer than that to not be constantly looking in the mirror, waiting for someone to hit me again. If I had had a choice I would have started taking transit as the drive to work and back terrified me. It took time to get over it.
Your body is likely still healing physically and it will take time to get your head back where it was. Keep at it!

The same thing happened to me. I was hit by a small school bus from the side as I went through an intersection. The stop sign had been knocked over and was behind a snow bank, so I didn’t see it. It took me YEARS to get comfortable behind the wheel again, and in particular to stop breaking as I went through any intersection, expecting a vehicle to come through it.

@EAVL, regarding skiing with your family, maybe think about mixing it up - spend some time skiing as a family on blues that don’t freak you out and some time skiing apart. Also mix in skiing the same area of the mountain but not the same runs - separate for the runs but meet at the lift. Most mountains have black, blue and green runs coming off of at least some of their lifts. We are a mixed level family and we do this a lot, and actually look for mountains with this feature. It lets us all ski terrain that makes us happy and gives us family time.
 
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Cyprissa

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I’m pretty sure in a couple of years my 7 year old will be a much better skier than me. He is already awesome and can go anywhere on the mountain for the most part. My DH is a much, much better skier (former racer) than me too but he likes the balance of just chilling with me and then sometimes skiing harder on his own or with his sister (who is a PSIA II instructor). When he skis with me, he works on technique drills and posture and just checks out the scenery since I ski mostly intermediate pistes with the occasional mellow black. Talk to your DH about the pressure you feel and your fear.

I think you need to ski the terrain that you are comfortable with. I ski on my own every trip at least some of the time. One thing that helped me was to pop in one ear bud and listen to some music. I keep it low so I can definitely hear anyone coming up behind me.

I really think taking lessons is your best bet. I have found that they really helped boost my confidence. Just having techniques to pull out in steeps or moguls really helps me to tame that inner fear. I also totally agree that it’s natural to have fear after an injury.
 

Lmk92

Angel Diva
I had one more (surprise!) day of skiing yesterday, and took a spectacular head-first, arms out, lost-both-skis-and-a-pole tumble. I don't even know for sure what happened, but I think I hit a pile of snow the wrong way and it tried to buck me off the mountain. I am so proud to say I got up, brushed myself off, and not only did I ski that same trail twice more, but also kept to the black diamonds pretty much for the rest of the day. Still no fear.

I don't know what made me turn the corner. But I'll say it one more time: I am proof there is hope.
 

newboots

Angel Diva
I had one more (surprise!) day of skiing yesterday, and took a spectacular head-first, arms out, lost-both-skis-and-a-pole tumble.

Ouch! So glad you're finding your courage, though!

I fell twice today - once in the lift line (duh!) when I skied into the singles lane, which was very narrow, and caught a ski on one of the posts. Double eject!

Then again, making a tight turn at the end of the day, tired. Banged my head, shoulder, and a knee or two. Most everything feels more or less okay now, but I'm wondering if it's really time to replace that helmet. Not its first banger.
 

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