dloveski
Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I was on this endless conference call today, and to amuse myself, I was googling some ski technique sites and came upon the following post in another ski forum, J2SKI.com.
I was blown away by the following post and the ensuing discussion and I just HAD to share it with the Divas. I thought maybe this was from many years ago---but alarmingly, NO, it's 2008!!!!
-------------------------
Posted by pavelski (https://www.j2ski.com/ski-chat-forum/posts/list/3057.page)
Can we all agree that going on a ski holiday as couples is stressful! All the hidden problems, issues, and unresolved “items” come out in a ski holiday. Try as you may to push these issues under the table at home, the mountain fresh air, the snow and wine attract these irritants to come out!
This post is to help women ( a minority as you have noted) avoid some common problems our social ski sociologist have note over the years! It will make your holiday better and perhaps even help your marriage!
1. The Preparation Phase Issue
You have waiting for months for this holiday! You planned all aspects of the trip for days! You husband/partner has visited the resort site many many times, skiing in his mind all the trails. If he is a typical male he has already established a skiing schedule for runs to take! In short he is like a horse that has been in the barn all winter! This is his first trip out to pasture!
Taking lots of time to put on make –up and trying on all your ski suits will raise his stress level! Stopping to talk to a long lost friend in the hall will raise it again!
As you get your skis from locker, you realize you left your ski boots in room! Now watch his veins near temple !!! Once he comes back with boots ,, your realize it will be cold and you need mittens! Notice twitch near left eye!
You have skis, boots and mittens! Time to put on lip protection! Those goggles need cleaning! Where is that spray?
At this time ( 10 AM) his friends he was supposed to meet at bottom of lift are all gone! He is starting to drool and babble! You ask him to take camera so that mommy will see door to hotel! A long silence …..He is just about to turn, when you say, “if you loved me” you would take this picture!
&&&####@@@@****????%%%
2. The Slope Behavior Phase
We all agree that men and women do not see the same reality! We all agree that women and men do not drive the same way! Why then do we insist to have them ski with their husbands or boyfriends!
It is a no win situation! If the women are better than the men, it becomes a male ego deflating ski day! If the man thinks he is better than the women, it becomes a couple de-flatting day! The man will insist to “show” women how to ski! The passive/active roles take form!
In 30 minutes the women will bring out all the things HE can not do! Like cleaning the toilet! Like clean up the kitchen! Like driving slowly!
In 45 minutes together on slope, she is planning what she will do to him after supper! Technique,,,,, she will show him what poor technique HE has! A step by step commentary will follow! With perhaps some well chosen tips on how he should be better and how EASY it can be!!!!
In 2 hours the final straw comes out, in a particular steep icy section, “if you loved me you would never have taken me here”
&&&####@@@@!!!!!*****))))((((%%%
3. The Chair Lift Phase
The second most dangerous place to be with your wife/girlfriend in a ski resort is on a quad ski lift! Somehow men intuitively accept the premise that you “never know who is on the lift with you”, so we are careful what you say! Also if wife/girlfriend is seated on the far side of lift,,you can not give her non-verbal cues to stop talking!
So this is what happens!
Initial chit chat ( weather, slopes, runs, snow) then the serious talk starts! You have then 40-60 seconds to impress your fellow skiers! Soon she is taking about the great house you have which was bought with parent’s money hidden from tax people! Then of course you must mention that Audi quatro you got from a friend of a friend who “works” in fast moving cars! I mean fast moving on the market place! !!!! Meanwhile you notice that your skiing partners are taking notes of all that!! Try as you may to get her attention, she is now on your trip to those tax havens where you have just opened an account!
Seems there are more family secrets told on a chair lift than in a confessional! That cool clean air seems to interact with brain neurons! It can be a long long ride up!
I now expect a wife to tell me all sorts of “family secrets” while riding up,,,but what really surprises me is when she begins to get personal about her husband and she begins with, “and if he really loved me,,,he would……”
&&&&####@@@@!!!!!)))((((%%%%%
4. The Evening Phase
You have learned your lesson so you go and ski with your buddies while she is taking lessons in an “all together “girls” class”! You discover powder stashes, in hidden sections of the resort and so you ski all day non-stop! The group has raised your skiing level a “quantum” level in one day, but you begin to feel the tighs aching! The back is getting sore from all that powder! The pure mountain air has cleaned your brain out and now it needs rest! Serious rest!
As you enter to room, half in a coma state, she announces that she has organized a dance party at “Chez Henri’s”! A discussion leads to heated words,,,,and ends with, “if you really really loved me” as you fade into a slow trance on the soft soft soft floor!
5.The Shopping Phase
We did agree at the beginning that men and women do not think alike! You did agree! So this last issue should not be a surprise! Men feel that having had a great day if they; skied so fast their eyes need eye drops, skied so steep that they must visit cardiologist soon, skied so much powder that their nostril are full of snowflakes!
Some women? Seems the weather just is never “acceptable”! Too cold on lifts! Too much wind at top! Too much snow! Too much sun for face! Etc….
So the serious work begins, finding that deal in the ski shop! That Bogner outfit seen in Vogue for only $875! A 40 % reduction!!!
That heated set of ski pants with 4 settings and even a diode! The day is made when she has “bargained” the sales person to include a free Turtle Fur neck warmer from Stowe!
You have to hear all the great deals found while eating supper! The piece de resistance comes when she announces that she found a great deal for you and had it put away for tomorrow morning! You will have to cancel your meeting with buddies while she brings you to try those fur lined ski boots! While you protest…she looks at you with a tear in eye and says, “if you really really loved me…..”
Now be honest ladies and men! You have all experienced one of these “situations”
Now if you really really loved her,,,you would print this post , seal it in an envelope and slip it in her purse! Whatever you do DO NOT print my name! =============
Divas--do you think this guy is serious? He's just kidding, right?
I was blown away by the following post and the ensuing discussion and I just HAD to share it with the Divas. I thought maybe this was from many years ago---but alarmingly, NO, it's 2008!!!!
-------------------------
Posted by pavelski (https://www.j2ski.com/ski-chat-forum/posts/list/3057.page)
Can we all agree that going on a ski holiday as couples is stressful! All the hidden problems, issues, and unresolved “items” come out in a ski holiday. Try as you may to push these issues under the table at home, the mountain fresh air, the snow and wine attract these irritants to come out!
This post is to help women ( a minority as you have noted) avoid some common problems our social ski sociologist have note over the years! It will make your holiday better and perhaps even help your marriage!
1. The Preparation Phase Issue
You have waiting for months for this holiday! You planned all aspects of the trip for days! You husband/partner has visited the resort site many many times, skiing in his mind all the trails. If he is a typical male he has already established a skiing schedule for runs to take! In short he is like a horse that has been in the barn all winter! This is his first trip out to pasture!
Taking lots of time to put on make –up and trying on all your ski suits will raise his stress level! Stopping to talk to a long lost friend in the hall will raise it again!
As you get your skis from locker, you realize you left your ski boots in room! Now watch his veins near temple !!! Once he comes back with boots ,, your realize it will be cold and you need mittens! Notice twitch near left eye!
You have skis, boots and mittens! Time to put on lip protection! Those goggles need cleaning! Where is that spray?
At this time ( 10 AM) his friends he was supposed to meet at bottom of lift are all gone! He is starting to drool and babble! You ask him to take camera so that mommy will see door to hotel! A long silence …..He is just about to turn, when you say, “if you loved me” you would take this picture!
&&&####@@@@****????%%%
2. The Slope Behavior Phase
We all agree that men and women do not see the same reality! We all agree that women and men do not drive the same way! Why then do we insist to have them ski with their husbands or boyfriends!
It is a no win situation! If the women are better than the men, it becomes a male ego deflating ski day! If the man thinks he is better than the women, it becomes a couple de-flatting day! The man will insist to “show” women how to ski! The passive/active roles take form!
In 30 minutes the women will bring out all the things HE can not do! Like cleaning the toilet! Like clean up the kitchen! Like driving slowly!
In 45 minutes together on slope, she is planning what she will do to him after supper! Technique,,,,, she will show him what poor technique HE has! A step by step commentary will follow! With perhaps some well chosen tips on how he should be better and how EASY it can be!!!!
In 2 hours the final straw comes out, in a particular steep icy section, “if you loved me you would never have taken me here”
&&&####@@@@!!!!!*****))))((((%%%
3. The Chair Lift Phase
The second most dangerous place to be with your wife/girlfriend in a ski resort is on a quad ski lift! Somehow men intuitively accept the premise that you “never know who is on the lift with you”, so we are careful what you say! Also if wife/girlfriend is seated on the far side of lift,,you can not give her non-verbal cues to stop talking!
So this is what happens!
Initial chit chat ( weather, slopes, runs, snow) then the serious talk starts! You have then 40-60 seconds to impress your fellow skiers! Soon she is taking about the great house you have which was bought with parent’s money hidden from tax people! Then of course you must mention that Audi quatro you got from a friend of a friend who “works” in fast moving cars! I mean fast moving on the market place! !!!! Meanwhile you notice that your skiing partners are taking notes of all that!! Try as you may to get her attention, she is now on your trip to those tax havens where you have just opened an account!
Seems there are more family secrets told on a chair lift than in a confessional! That cool clean air seems to interact with brain neurons! It can be a long long ride up!
I now expect a wife to tell me all sorts of “family secrets” while riding up,,,but what really surprises me is when she begins to get personal about her husband and she begins with, “and if he really loved me,,,he would……”
&&&&####@@@@!!!!!)))((((%%%%%
4. The Evening Phase
You have learned your lesson so you go and ski with your buddies while she is taking lessons in an “all together “girls” class”! You discover powder stashes, in hidden sections of the resort and so you ski all day non-stop! The group has raised your skiing level a “quantum” level in one day, but you begin to feel the tighs aching! The back is getting sore from all that powder! The pure mountain air has cleaned your brain out and now it needs rest! Serious rest!
As you enter to room, half in a coma state, she announces that she has organized a dance party at “Chez Henri’s”! A discussion leads to heated words,,,,and ends with, “if you really really loved me” as you fade into a slow trance on the soft soft soft floor!
5.The Shopping Phase
We did agree at the beginning that men and women do not think alike! You did agree! So this last issue should not be a surprise! Men feel that having had a great day if they; skied so fast their eyes need eye drops, skied so steep that they must visit cardiologist soon, skied so much powder that their nostril are full of snowflakes!
Some women? Seems the weather just is never “acceptable”! Too cold on lifts! Too much wind at top! Too much snow! Too much sun for face! Etc….
So the serious work begins, finding that deal in the ski shop! That Bogner outfit seen in Vogue for only $875! A 40 % reduction!!!
That heated set of ski pants with 4 settings and even a diode! The day is made when she has “bargained” the sales person to include a free Turtle Fur neck warmer from Stowe!
You have to hear all the great deals found while eating supper! The piece de resistance comes when she announces that she found a great deal for you and had it put away for tomorrow morning! You will have to cancel your meeting with buddies while she brings you to try those fur lined ski boots! While you protest…she looks at you with a tear in eye and says, “if you really really loved me…..”
Now be honest ladies and men! You have all experienced one of these “situations”
Now if you really really loved her,,,you would print this post , seal it in an envelope and slip it in her purse! Whatever you do DO NOT print my name! =============
Divas--do you think this guy is serious? He's just kidding, right?
