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Roaming Solo as a Woman

Jenny

Angel Diva
To give some simple examples -

When I'm walking with my dogs, I know that I can throw a dog poop bag in a potential attacker's face. It will distract them so that I can run.

Similarly if I'm walking around somewhere with a hot beverage - toss in the face, run.

When I approach my car, I quickly scan below it and check the back seat before I get in.

I don't *worry* about being attacked - I just have a habit of being aware. If that makes sense. Maybe it's self-delusion to think it's not a worry ...
My DH and I had an interesting conversation once, walking from the mall to the car, at night. He walks out of the mall, straight to the car, without ever once looking around. Meanwhile, I was looking around, walking down the middle of the row, away from the other cars, glancing under our car and in the backseat, after I had checked out the cars near us, to make sure there wasn't a windowless white van with the engine running, etc. He thought I was nuts.
 

marzNC

Angel Diva
Before they were married both my parents used to take trips by themselves, so I guess it's not very unusual or weird to do so in my family.
Not only did my parents travel solo internationally before they were married, my mother continued to travel solo after she was married. Not camping. But she would fly overseas and go to visit tourist destinations that my father was either too busy to visit or not interested in. So I never considered it unusual to travel solo. If I had a business trip to Europe, I certainly took advantage of any extra time to do something fun on my own.

Have been doing lots of driving trips on my own in recent years. Some for skiing but others as well. Having grown up in a big city, paying attention to my surroundings is second nature when in a city or after dark. I pick where I stop for gas after dark deliberately. Same for picking a motel when driving alone and arriving after dark.
 

Christy

Angel Diva
I also don't worry more about safety when I travel solo than I do anywhere else. Violent crime rates are lower in places like Europe and Japan. Now, if I were going to a country where they were high that would be a different matter, as it would be for a man. My (male) friend travels to places like Mexico City and Manila for work, and they briefed his partner on what to do if he is kidnapped. His partner has a special "kidnap card" with instructions. As a human, not just as a woman, I'm not super interested in solo travel to a place where violent/personal crime is very high. I actually hate that my friend has that job and no way would I want my husband to have it.

I also have a hard time meeting people when alone.

I did too when I did my first long trip. I got over it, fast. I was either going to die of loneliness, or, get out of my comfort zone and engage strangers. It doesn't always work. Sometimes they are not interested in you. You learn not to care. That was the biggest and most permanent change for me--I got way better at talking to strangers.
 

newboots

Angel Diva
When I'm walking with my dogs, I know that I can throw a dog poop bag in a potential attacker's face. It will distract them so that I can run.
I knew I'd learn useful things from this forum!

I'm filing that one away.
 

Jenny

Angel Diva
Way back between my freshman and sophomore years of college I was a door to door salesperson - for a VERY short period of time. In our training week we had a session on personal safety. One of the things I still remember is them telling us that if we thought we were being followed was to do anything we needed to to get away, make ourselves unappealing - something like that. The example I remember is turning around and picking our nose. The poop bag would be an even better distraction, I think.
 

bounceswoosh

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
The poop bag would be an even better distraction, I think.

Honestly, you would hope the dogs themselves would be a deterrent - mine certainly should be - two at almost 60 pounds each. But you never know ... and maybe more useful for people walking smaller dogs.
 

MissySki

Angel Diva
In my everyday life I've found that I can be very oblivious to my surroundings if I'm with someone else who I feel "safe" with. I'm not sure that the person or gender of that person matter as much as the fact that if you are traveling in a group I guess it feels like you are less likely to be approached by others, whether friendly or not, and I feel I can let my guard down a little bit. I don't particularly mind being alone to travel and do things like ski, but I prefer meeting up with others at some point along the way. I'll go solo if I want to go somewhere and there isn't anyone else available to accompany me though. I'm not really into people approaching me that are strangers, so I feel like prolonged solo travel would get too lonely for me. I'm okay with say striking up a conversation with people near me in a bar or something if I'm eating dinner alone, though I'll often pull out my kindle in that situation because I prefer that to random chit chat with a stranger. I'm not the best at small talk in general so I don't always find I have the energy to want to deal with it with someone I'm never going to see again anyway, though sometimes things just click and it's so worth it and a great experience. I've also had too many experiences where those people (male) that start out really friendly and nice don't know when to go away and decide they should pursue more than conversation, so I'm always wary of strangers if I'm traveling alone for work etc.

If I am alone even just walking the dog or in a parking lot etc. I am very aware of my surroundings and do some of the things others have described like checking around cars in the parking lot. This especially started after reading a true crime book on Ted Bundy that really creeps me out to this day. My father definitely drilled this stuff into my head my entire life, seemingly a bit like @bounceswoosh 's description of her relationship with her mom. I usually carry mace with me, (it's a thin metal tube variety on a keychain and kind of looks like a thin flashlight, so if you don't know what it is you wouldn't know just from seeing it, but it shoots a powerful amount of spray up to around 5-6 feet away very accurately) and this gives me some sense of security, whether it should or not is up for debate since I've never had to try defending myself with it beyond practicing with a dummy canister in case I ever really needed it. I normally have it in my purse in general, but if I'm walking to my car somewhere sketchy late at night or somewhere I feel uncomfortable then I'll have it in my hand at the ready or at least in my pocket where it's very easily accessible because digging around your purse by the time you might realize it's needed isn't going to cut it in my opinion. The trick is also making sure to leave the mace in the car or wherever if you are attending an event where it isn't allowed inside if your purse is being searched. I'm always super paranoid that I'm going to forget sometime and try and go through security at an airport or something, so I try to remember to leave it at home a good week ahead of that type of travel where it isn't allowed. I used to carry a knife, but then I realized how close someone would have to be to make that a weapon of choice and how I have absolutely no experience defending myself in that manner and could easily be overpowered into an even worse position so mace seemed like the best option for a little peace of mind.

As an aside, mace is what was recommended to me by a state trooper as the best weapon of self defense for both men and women. Even if you carry a firearm, he recommended mace as a first attempt at keeping someone at a distance who was being menacing as it usually stops someone in their tracks and you can hopefully get to safety. The only scenario where mace may not be effective is if someone is very high on drugs where they aren't registering the pain, but hopefully you can spray, cause some distraction, and run still. The mace also usually colors the persons face and hands when they go to cover their face, so it can be good to identify the perpetrator if they are able to locate them in the area soon after the incident.
 

bounceswoosh

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
As an aside, mace is what was recommended to me by a state trooper as the best weapon of self defense for both men and women.

Is it a mist? Can't that blow back into your face?
 

MissySki

Angel Diva
I'm trying to think how to describe it.. It's much more of a stream than a mist if that makes sense? There are cartridges you can practice with that don't contain the actual harmful stuff, so I've done that with cardboard targets to see exactly how it sprayed depending how close or far away you were and it hits like a laser or dart, jetting out with a lot of force. So it's not like if you sprayed hairspray or something that mists and forms a larger cone shape. At least mine isn't. Oh perhaps a good image is like a squirt gun or other toy with water where it's a stream of water and not a mist if you can picture that, but this is more forceful. I'm not sure if they all work that way, but that's how mine is in particular. I believe the substance is somewhat oily as well to stick to a person as it isn't easily washed off or blinked away, so it's more viscous of a substance.
 

TeleChica

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
I actually haven't thought about how aware I am of my surroundings. In the Boston area, there are so many people around out and about in the evenings that I rarely think or worry about it. I also suspect that some if it is so second nature I'm not aware of it.

On my trip to the PNW I described earlier, I hiked nearly every day solo, and never worried once. Being in the woods alone doesn't scare me--there are generally not many people out there. And if there are, it's usually a popular place, so I'm not worried. But once I was back with humanity, or camping solo in a sparsely occupied campground, you bet I was aware of my surroundings. In fact, in once place, I met another woman traveling solo. After we chatted a bit, we both realized we'd feel much safer in the same camping spot, so she moved her tent to my site.
 

newboots

Angel Diva
For everyone with mace or pepper spray: check your expiration date. Those need replacing every now and then.
 

SallyCat

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
True fact: I was mountain biking yesterday afternoon and came across a group of four boys, ages maybe 11 to 14. They had a mechanical issue and I lent them my multi-tool, and while one boy worked on the bike, the others and I got to chatting about bikes and such. They were really nice kids, and at one point they wanted to know where I was from, so I told them (PA) and one boy exclaimed "You came here BY YOURSELF!?!?" as the others looked on wide-eyed. :smile: To be fair, I don't guess middle-schoolers get to do a lot of solo travel, but I thought of this thread and had to laugh.
 

SallyCat

Ski Diva Extraordinaire
On my trip to the PNW I described earlier, I hiked nearly every day solo, and never worried once. Being in the woods alone doesn't scare me--there are generally not many people out there.

I had the same experience hiking the Vermont section of the AT solo. You end up traveling with a "bubble" of the same people from day to day, so that although you hike alone you spend the night at or around the shelters with people you know and who know you, and I never once felt unsafe. It was also nice to see familiar faces at dinner time.
 

mustski

Angel Diva
I guess awareness of my surroundings is second nature to me. I don't really think about it but practice most of what everyone already discussed above. The latest change for me has been as a teacher. With all the school shootings, I find myself classifying objects as potential weapons. That however is a different thread.

On another note, I was just damn stupid when I was young and it's just dumb luck that kept me alive. I trusted everybody. There was T Bone- the Central Park drug dealer who I spent a day with because I thought he was interesting and then a group of "gentlemen" in London who had just been granted permission to enter the UK again after a little entanglement with the IRA. I had a couple of angels on my shoulders for sure! But, I can't ski steep bumps. WAY too scary!
 

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