keeping up with the DH... or surpassing?

[Crr]

Love this board and all the cool threads, forgive me if this has been asked about before, I just am new and haven’t seen it. Wondered if any other ladies out there have run into a situation where over time you start to improve so much you either match or overtake your significant other in skills? If so how have they handled it and has anyone ever encountered any jealousy ? I am finally, after many years , approaching my husbands ability in skiing, and I can’t help but think I detect a slight hint of jealousy . It’s strange, for years I held him back and now I thought he would be happy that I can ski the same speed and terrain,but alas, now I hear strange excuses of tired legs, wrong choice of ski, etc etc to explain away why I am keeping up or ahead of him. Sheesh! What’s a woman to do? Is it jealousy or ego ? Or am I just imagining things. Don’t get me wrong, we have a long and happy marriage , and love to ski together .any thoughts or opinions are welcome!

 

[marzNC]

@Crr : did you take lessons to improve your skiing? What was your husband doing to improve while your skiing was changing?

My main ski buddy, Bill, is a schoolmate who was a much better skier when we started skiing together about ten years ago. (My husband is a non-skier.) Bill is a few years older. We are both in the 60s at this point. Took me a while to ask Bill to do a semi-private lesson at Jackson Hole together with with another ski buddy (also a man, family friend of husband who has a non-skiing wife). Bottom line is that Bill and I have done several lessons together at Alta for a few years. After the Taos Ski Week last year, he's clearly still a better skier than I am. But without him taking lessons with very experienced instructors, we would be much closer in ability by now.

Note that I'm not at all suggesting you take lessons with your husband.

 

[Crr]

Yes I have taken camps and lessons and he has not. I never thought about lessons together as I figured I was way behind him but now I think that is a great suggestion thanks !

 

[kiki]

Welcome @Crr ! So nice to see new names and faces here:-)

What you describehas happened a bit with my hubby and I for golf over the past few years, though he is still a much better golfer than I, some days if I am having a really good day amd he a bad one, I will beat him on a hole(or some holes!)
This does not go well.
and my equipment is newer and sometimes I get out more frequently and that also leads to some tension.
I've tried to encourage him to get some new gear amd take some lessons so he feels like he is progressing too. That seems to help.

 

[Kimmyt]

I guess I'm kind of lucky because, while I probably surpassed my husband in skill a few years ago, he can still ski the same terrain as me just maybe not as well. Additionally, we don't really ski together anymore due to circumstances of having two small children and constantly having to switch off on watching them so the other gets to ski. I progressed, like you, because I took lessons and really wanted to better my technique. He has pretty much stayed the same in skill level because he's not interested in lessons even though I have told him that they helped me. So, he's not too worried that I'm better than him and his ego isn't super fragile, and he's also not interested in bettering himself, just kind of content the way things are.

As with all things relationship related, though, I do recommend having an open line of communication. Maybe next time he acts frustrated with you while skiing, bring it up (but like an hour or two after the event so he doesn't get defensive or anything). "I noticed you seemed frustrated today, was something going on?" You will want to keep the focus on him and what he's feeling instead of jumping in and trying to fix things. Maybe you can ask him if he enjoys skiing with you, or if he would enjoy more if you spent some time on skis on different parts of the mountain and then met up for lunch.

Good luck, it can be tricky navigating someone else's emotions in a relationship especially when it comes to the male ego!

 

[tinymoose]

I wish I had this problem. lol. No matter how much better I get, my H keeps getting better too. Womp womp.

 

[DeeSki]

This is a funny one. I introduced my husband to skiing, so when he started I was already an intermediate. We went to Breck for a week and by day three or four he was able to ski anything I could. But ... I kept taking lessons whereas he has taken very few since then. He’s more athletic, a lot stronger and less prone to nerves than I am, so he will get down anything I can but my technique is a lot stronger. If we’re cruising around on blues and greens, which he prefers, it’s not that obvious and recently I’ve been happy to keep it mellow too. However, it’s when we take a wrong turn that my technique comes in. On our recent trip there were a few runs that I didn’t really enjoy but I managed just fine. He had a much tougher time. Of course if you asked him, he’d say he was a better skier. I know better than to give him ski tips but I have suggested that he’d get more out of skiing if he occasionally took a lesson. He has all kinds of reasons not to.

 

[Terri GB]

My hubby is super athletic and picks things up at an unbelievable speed. I have had more lessons now skiing to a good level and he still passes me on the mountain. I maintain that it is his body weight that pulls him down the mountain quicker..... Lol.
This does not and has never bothered me. I am experiencing a different problem now. As a couple, we have had numerous holidays always together, however my daughter was a national level gymnast and was prohibited from skiing so didn't learn to ski until last year. She is now 12 and ski's past me with her father at amazing technique and speed, and now I feel a bit lonely at the back!!!! Anyone else? Or is it just me? X

 

[newboots]

@Terri GB - those darn kids. Our adult minds (and older bodies) interfere so much with physical learning!

 

[DeeSki]

@Terri GB my kids are only 4 and 6 so and only skied for the first time last year, so they‘re not out-skiing me yet, but it’s just a matter of time. The 4 year old is already boasting about how he can do “French fries” and go really fast! Darn kids is right @newboots!

 

[geargrrl]

I'm pretty fortunate in that my spouse has always encouraged me and never been jealous of those few times when I have surpassed him. After almost 40 years, if I can keep up we are both happy. He's supportive of what gear I need, when I want to go (even if it's without him) and more.

 

[Christy]

I wish I had this problem. lol. No matter how much better I get, my H keeps getting better too. Womp womp.

Ugh, I hear that.

 

[Terri GB]

@Terri GB - those darn kids. Our adult minds (and older bodies) interfere so much with physical learning!

Lol so true...I swear I have new creaks and squeaks since the last time I Skiid. Getting up and dressed with legs that no longer move on their hinges on the second day was hilarious!

 

[DeeSki]

LOL @Terri GB! Sounds like you had a good first day!

 

[ski diva]

I ski better than my husband does but really, he doesn't care since he doesn't have the same passion for it that I do. That said, he's better than me at so many other things that I guess it kind of evens out.

 

[Crr]

Thanks all appreciate all your thoughts and suggestions. I brought up lessons together today and he seemed happy about that which surprised me ! He then told me he was proud of my ability and happy I’m progressing so that made me very happy. Guess some of it was in my head ... typical for me . I also encouraged him to buy some new equipment and he took me up on it just yesterday so cheers all ! Ps my kids leave me in their dust too and yes I was pretty lonely at the back when we skied as a family . I should add that for years I have been a runner and he finally decided to take it up last year and he ran faster than me at the 10k after only one year and I admit I was jealous so I guess it goes both ways and it’s just our nature lol!

 

[kiki]

@Crr sounds like a good day, glad for you :-)
Keep at it, we're all human!

 

[slyfox4]

When I met my boyfriend he was/is a snowboarder, but I got him on skis last season and did some basic skills overview with him. He really picked it up, but he's a much better snowboarder than skier. He tries to emulate my technique but he always says "I'll never have my skis as close together as you."

 

[MissySki]

@Crr sounds like your open communication paid off, good for you! Perhaps he was feeling a little out of sorts with your awesomeness, bringing up positive suggestions obviously went over well and in an ego saving way.